A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, i am one very confused person.Basically i met this girl over 2 years ago and we fell in love and are engaged everything was great with us until we started talking about her history. We never talked about it much before, always figured she hated it and didn't want to think about it. anyway she told me that she met this guy (25) she was 18 and he was her first. they dated for about 2 months, then one night they were supposed to go out and he messaged her saying something like "i cant do this anymore". anyway she got depressed and changed her look and eventually got over it after 3 or 4 months maybe more. one day she went into the supermarket where he was working and ran into him, and exchanged numbers. they became friends and just a couple of weeks after he asked her "you want to come for a drive?" well when they had sex in his car and for the next 3 or so years that's basically her life. she told me they had done it heaps, like every weekend, even on weeknights.this kind of knocked me out because i had the impression that it only happened a couple of times, the reason for that mainly that she said he wasn't any good (and a small penis), no foreplay, always in the car in a random place, lasted for 30 sec to a min, and (this part i hate the most) it hurt her. that is every single time they did it, it hurt her.She told me that she did it with him because she thought this is the best ill ever get, and never turned him down because she felt like she had to. i have only had sex with one other person once (first time and i sucked), so i think i obsess about the amount of times because she pretty much has had more sex with him more than i will ever get in my entire life. the other problem is (apart from my obvious massive insecurity issues) is that she told me that she hates him with every fiber of her being, and has no interest in seeing or contacting him what so ever. yet when she goes to one of her friends house, his house is on the same road, and admittedly it would be hard not to look as your driving by (as she does), but she wants to look, to see that she has moved and he still remains there or something. that is an issue to me because in my view why would you want to know or care if he is there or not what does it matter, is it going to matter if he isn't there anymore. i know her past is her past but its difficult for me to let go, and i don't know why!!!can you please help me with this
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depressed, engaged, exchanged numbers, fell in love, foreplay, her past Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): Thank you for your answer sappygirl. About a couple of hours after i submitted this question i pretty much came to that conclusion my self. I truly appreciate your response. I dont know why i keep forgetting what is in front of me and constantly look back at her past. She has said to me on many occasions i give her everything she wants, needs and will always treasure. She always tells me that and that is what i have to listen to, nothing else.
A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (21 September 2008):
 these are your issues and not her. She didn't do anything wrong and you are letting your insecurities ruin a good relationship. You are thinking too much about her looking at the house down the same street. Do you want her to close her eyes each time you pass it? How do you know she's not looking at it, thinking and regretting the past.
You can not hold what she did in the past and her mistakes against her. You are not perfect either. Would it help if you had more partners and sex than she did before you guys met? Whatever the case, these are "macho" things you have to get past. If you don't you guys will never last. I gaurantee it. She trusted you with her past, that's why she shared it with you. If you turn this on and against her, she will lose her trust for you and never tell you anything again. If you can't handle it next time, then tell her you don't want to hear it.
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