A
male
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anonymous
writes:I was dumped 3 weeks ago for the third time by who was then my Fiance. We dated for 2.5 years. We were a day away from moving in together and we got into an argument. After apologizing for the argument and telling her that I love her very much she went on to tell me how we would fix it. Then she had lunch with her mother and called me afterwards to tell me that everything in the relationship was my fault. All of our problems were because of me. (I've spent a total of a month and a half by this womans hospital bed, during her two trips to the hospital with chrons disease) She's gone so far as to completely erase me from her life. Says to forget her number and never call, text ect... shes blocked me on facebook and all I've ever done for her and her family is to be there whenever they needed me. I can't help to think that she has a personality disorder. I think shes a narcissist. But now shes badmouthing me all over town and no matter what I'm always to blame.I also want to mention that I had proposed to this woman about a month ago and she refuses to give me back my ring. Says its a gift and that you don't give gifts back.I guess, throughout this mixed up story, I have to ask... why do I still love this woman even though she hates my guts. Also How can one person give 100000% to another person, to be utterly erased in less than 48hrs as if that person has never existed.I'm so hurt, confused, angry, ect. So can anyone help me out?
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female
reader, Nouvelle32 +, writes (9 June 2011):
First of all I want to say how sorry I am to hear you are in such pain. I too had a similar situation a year ago and I am still not over it completely. I still break down often over how badly I was treated by someone I loved more than anything. I know how it is to trust someone and love someone with all your heart and have them just turn a cold shoulder one day for seemingly no reason. Me and my ex lived together for almost two years and one day I came home and all his stuff was gone.. we had gotten into a small (in my opinion) argument over money.. he kept lying to me over his finances and I confronted him about it. To me, this was an ordinary argument and he was the one at fault, so for him to try to turn the blame me and walk out on me when I thought he loved me so much, I just couldn't understand it and never expected it.
When he left me, I felt like the rug had been pulled out from underneath my feet. My head and the whole world started spinning really fast. I went into panic mode. Everything I thought I knew about life and love was suddenly wrong. Every day for so long, I asked myself, "what did I do that was so wrong to make this happen?" I knew that I loved him so much and that I always had good intentions, so how could this happen? How could he have misinterpreted everything?? And every memory I had of us was suddenly tarnished. I questioned so many things, like: Did I imagine this whole thing? Was I the only one who ever really "loved" in our relationship? Did he ever really "truly" love me or was it all a lie? Was what we had real or just some horrible joke? Did he fake our entire relationship for his own selfish reasons? I had believed so much in us and it was so unbelievably painful and unfathomable to think that it was all so one-sided. All the things he told me... that he loved me so much and that he would never leave me and that he wanted to marry me... all just turned into lies because he gave up on us. I felt like, that if he would give up on us so easily, then everything he ever said to me must have been a lie or possibly shallow and meaningless. Because, how could someone tell me how much they loved me so much one minute, say they want to marry and me have their babies and walk out on me the next over one petty argument?
I'm not going to lie, it's not been easy at all.. this guy was the love of my life at the time... We were so close, I swear to you. And to love and trust someone so much and then have them abandon you, it's probably the most gut wrenching feeling on earth. I have to admit, I wonder all the time how I will ever trust anyone again. I just pray a lot and ask God to grant me the strength to overcome.
My answer to why you still love her after she did all this to you is because you are a good person... you were honest with her & your love was true. I have to believe that the opposite is true about your ex... Because if she had been a good person or mature, she should have talked to you and put you first instead of leaving. She's obviously a poor excuse for a human being. The only advice I can give to you is to keep yourself busy, maybe get a new hobby, talk to a counselor, go out with friends. I am in the process of learning a new career, so I tried to turn this into a positive thing. Every day that passes it gets a little bit easier and I now think that even though I would be tempted to talk to him if he came back, I know in my head that I don't want that kind of person in my life. The trust is gone... he destroyed everything we had and the only choice is to move forward and hope for a better person next time.
A
female
reader, meccamega  +, writes (9 June 2011):
My ex did a similar thing too. We dated a year and completely out of the blue dumped me for no reason, by text. He refused to talk to me, let alone have the decency to meet up with me and give me closure. He blamed evrything on me and then told me to get f****d by text.
My advice is never contact her ever again. These people have serious issues. Run away in the opposite direction! If she comes back begging for a second chance, show her the door.
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A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (9 June 2011):
My ex did a similar thing too. We dated a year and completely out of the blue dumped me for no reason, by text. He refused to talk to me, let alone have the decency to meet up with me and give me closure. He blamed evrything on me and then told me to get f****d by text.
My advice is never contact her ever again. These people have serious issues. Run away in the opposite direction! If she comes back begging for a second chance, show her the door.
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A
female
reader, Only_O  +, writes (9 June 2011):
She doesn't seem like someone you really want to keep in your life. Maybe you should be glad that she's gone now rather than later on in the relationship when you are even more attached to her. If you feel you gave it your complete best and you can say you have no regrets... the it should be no harm done. I think all you can do is really try your best to understand her faults/ opinions and forgive her mistakes. You need time to heal. Love is not as simple as they say, and as much as people would like to believe it's that rainbow in the sky and that cherry on your ice-cream... it can also be that tear in your eye and pain in your chest. Try to be strong and fill your day with many things to keep your mind busy. Remember that it's natural to love someone after they have done something unkind to you, you will learn from it. Just try to fixate on something else, cuz she probably is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): It sounds like she has talked to her mother about things she should have talked to you about, and is being influenced by her. Or that there had been a lot of resentment built up and it has all come out now.As she has blocked you there is not a lot you can do, except possibly wait and see if she changes her mind and comes back to you. But I wouldn't hold out too much hope of this happening.If she's badmouthing you this also suggests to me that she may have trouble expressing things and feeling resentful, otherwise why didn't she tell you. There must be some fear there I think. Try not to react or badmouth her as this could make matters worse. The best thing to do if someone is badmouthing you is just to let them. If people know you broke up they may put it down to bitterness on her part. They can form their own opinions of you from their own experience.If she has blocked you, maybe you could write her a letter. On paper, snailmail I mean. It's a dying art but it does mean the letter is there, she can read it several times (if she wants) and think about things.Unfortunately, a lot of people do tend to lay blame on others rather than accept their own part in situations. It's easier isn't it.Finally, something I should perhaps said first, I am sorry that you are hurting. This is natural and most people would be upset by such a situation. Time is a great healer though; try to remember this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): It sounds like she has talked to her mother about things she should have talked to you about, and is being influenced by her. Or that there had been a lot of resentment built up and it has all come out now.As she has blocked you there is not a lot you can do, except possibly wait and see if she changes her mind and comes back to you. But I wouldn't hold out too much hope of this happening.If she's badmouthing you this also suggests to me that she may have trouble expressing things and feeling resentful, otherwise why didn't she tell you. There must be some fear there I think. Try not to react or badmouth her as this could make matters worse. The best thing to do if someone is badmouthing you is just to let them. If people know you broke up they may put it down to bitterness on her part. They can form their own opinions of you from their own experience.If she has blocked you, maybe you could write her a letter. On paper, snailmail I mean. It's a dying art but it does mean the letter is there, she can read it several times (if she wants) and think about things.Unfortunately, a lot of people do tend to lay blame on others rather than accept their own part in situations. It's easier isn't it.Finally, something I should perhaps said first, I am sorry that you are hurting. This is natural and most people would be upset by such a situation. Time is a great healer though; try to remember this.
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