A
female
age
36-40,
*osh444
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 2years now when we started dating we were so inlove and to me were the perfect couple, until 8months ago he cheating on me and he would do things publicly knowing very well I would find out, he would beg 4m to take him back and I would cause I love him so much. This man hurts me so I have even tried moving on with my life and letting him go but its hard I just end up going back to him, now it has got to a point where he would tell him it doesn't bother him anymore when I'm angry with him cause he knows I will take him back, he is both physically and verbal abusive towards me. Why is it so hard for m to let this man go even though I know what his doing is wrong and how to I let him go and move on. Please help I need to get out of this relationship
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2012): You need to strengthen yourself emotionally and learn to be on your own and not in any relationship and feel OK with that. maybe you feel that the only way to redeem your shattered self esteem is for him to approve or and love you so you stick around waiting and hoping he'll do that some day. this is dangerous thinking, this is what causes people to repeat the cycle and end up in a new relationship with the same type of person all over again.you need to learn to be alone, and you also need to learn to identify people who are 'safe' versus people who aren't so you can know who to stay away from in the future and not get involved with. you also need to do some serious thinking about what's making you desperate to be with someone who treats you like dirt because that's very concerning to begin with and it has to do with YOU.
A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (21 November 2012):
 Abusers weaken you, lower your self esteem, and make you dependent on them. You start to believe the things he is saying when he verbally abuses you and you no longer like yourself. He weakens you so he can do as he pleases, ie cheat. When you feel that you have the courage to finally leave he begs for you back, you fall for it because you think no one else will ever love you, and you are terrified of always being alone. Also you know this man and he knows you, so there is a measure of comfortability there. It's easier to take him back than it is to forge on on your own and meet someone new. You may have a tiny bit of strength when you leave and think you can do it, but when he comes back begging all your strength is gone. Why be alone if you have someone begging for you? Then you convince yourself he has changed and the cycle repeats.
Until you are strong enough to deal with being on your own you won't ever escape this relationship. If you are able to leave again one day you need to block him from contact so you arent sucked back into the relationship. Then surround yourself with family and friends and keep busy until you move on. It IS possible. You ARE capable of being alone and you DO deserve better than this treatment regardless of what your boyfriend says. Being alone can be scary at first but you do get used to it and then you will find yourself happier and more confident because you are no longer putting up with abuse. It also opens the door to meeting someone who can make you happy. You just need to strength and support to do it. I also reccomend seeing a therapist or counselor so you can get to the root of why you are in this relationship and how to avoid falling into similar traps when dating someone new.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): Its ok us giving you advice, but will you take it on board, or will you keep taking him back time after time?
As another said, you'd rather be miserable but not alone, than to be miserable AND alone. Its important to remember though that if you split from this abuser, the feeling of misery will fade in time as you move on from this and realise what a bad place you were in.
You have to become stronger, make your decision and stick to it. You are worth more than to be treated like this, you need to keep reminding yourself of that. Rather than stay alone, why not go and stay with family or a friend(s) for a while so you've always got someone around you for support when you feel down...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 November 2012):
 you would rather be miserable with someone that be alone.
you are afraid to be alone but aren't you alone now?
he's not there for you.....
you need to get enough self-esteem to know you won't be alone forever... just as long as you want to be...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): You know whats good for you then why are you staying? Are you afraid of being alone? If youre not strong enough then lets hope he makes it easier for you by leaving you.its a pathetic situation which kinda reminds me of sth that happened to me. I had a bf who treated me bad. He would come use me, then cheat on me. I knew it was bad but i just couldnt leave him until he came and dumped me and i cried over him.it was ridiculous but your story doesnt have to be the same. He is not the person you fell inlove with,lets admit that he has changed. Move on, you will meet someone sweet. Dont live together anymore if that were the case, block him on facebook,etc you get the drill.i believe its just a phase you will eventually move on from but you will have to take a brave step otherwise you can end up in an abusive relationship for years.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): You need to physically, just leave. Cut all contact. Go to a counsellor to get help emotionally, if its possible move out of town. You keep going back because you are weak, take yourself out of the environment and make yourself strong.
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