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female
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*deadrainbowpixie*
writes: My long-term boyfriend was married with 3 kids before he met me. When he met me, he left his wife and kids for me, because he was unhappy with her, and knew straight away that I was his soulmate. This was 19 months ago... The thing is, I feel so much hate towards his ex and kids. I don't know why - he doesnt even see his kids. I find myself saying that I hope his kids die. I even drew a picture in my diary of his ex-wife and kids.. dead and dismembered, with myself standing in the background holding a knife! Now I'm thinking of making voodoo dolls of them!Help! Whats wrong with me??
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ex-wife, his ex, soulmate Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, hippichick  +, writes (18 September 2008):
There is nothing wrong with you. I'm a peaceful, centered person...except for one thing. The goddamn ex-wife and her little mini-me's! Just hearing her stupid name gets me seeing red! My man made a big mistake when he married her ass. All she did was cheat on him and treat him like crap for 10 years! She left a huge mess for me to clean up, and for that, I HATE her! I don't want anything to do with her ugly kids, either! I feel that he and I would have been alot better off if he would've never hooked up with her. I totally believe that! I know it's not the kids' fault, and blah, blah, blah...but I cannot help but feel animosity towards them. I feel that, instead of trying to find them, he should concentrate on his CURRENT family! Screw them! They're gone, and I wish he would get over it. I wish there was a way that I could erase his memory, and make him forget everything that happened in his life before me. I know that sounds really shitty, but I can't help how I feel. I secretly hope that he NEVER finds them. I don't want me& my children (who are also his) to have to compete for his love or his resources!!! Wherever they are, they can just stay there!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I too Googled this subject and ended up here. I don't care that this topic is old - some of you offered some valuable advice that replaces any psycho babble from a therapist. I'm divorced for 18 years and never had kids. My boyfriend of almost 3 yrs is in his early 50s, Im in my late 40s. He has two boys from his only marriage, a marriage which ended when his ex gave up and walked out on he and the boys when they were 5 and 6 years old. He raised them singlehandedly. OK, so they arent babies anymore. One just turned 21 and the other 19. Both boys have moved out of the house, had job after job, wrecked cars, gotten girls pregnant, burglarized, shoplifted, been to jail, strung out on cocaine, strung out on Ecstasy, sold drugs... the list goes on and on. All of this in one year! They punk their kind hearted father, beg for money, one is in college and refuses to get a job, the other would rather sell Ecstacy than work. When they lived in his house last year, they threw fits when they didn't get their way and trashed the place. Doors broken, chairs destroyed. Dad told them to get out and live on their own. They are lazy and have to be begged to do anything around the house. Remember, these arent babies - they are 19 and 21 years old. Dad tries to put his foot down but he still feels responsible for their rotten asses and cant seem to grasp the concept of tough love. So now the 21 year old is BACK HOME because his stupid ass has nowhere to live. He has torn up his girlfriend's apartment and smacked her around so now he has nowhere to go. So now Dad has to stay home every night and keep the little thug in line so he doesn't sell drugs out of his house and tear the place up in the process. This living arrangement is supposed to last 30 days. I live in my own home but of course this put the brakes on our relationship because he has to stay home and babysit the 21 year old loser. He has unconditional love for these asses. People, I dont want to hate anyone as much as I hate these two kids and his worthless ex-wife. She of course has been trying to get her foot back in his door since I came into the picture. That bitch is the least of my worries. Their "behavior" accelerated when Dad told the boys that he was getting ready to remodel his home for he and I to live in, I would sell my house, and we have talked many times of marriage. Now... SCREECCCHHH... These effing overgrown man babies are acting out on purpose and I loathe them for it. I needed to hear other people say they resent their significant other's kids. I needed to hear you guys say that kids come first, get over it or get out. I'm thinking of getting out. My summer is ruined. The one that is 19 has an unwanted baby on the way in a couple of months and refuses to get a job. I guess we can see where this is going. The 21 year old's baby is retarded because he and his girlfriend STAYED HIGH during her pregnancy, and I dont mean weed....I am beyond pissed. I am afraid this running back to Daddy's house crap is never going to stop. I say these idiots are old enough to lay down and have babies, so they are old enough to get and keep a job and find their own way. Hell, maybe I do need a straight jacket and some medication. Because the way I feel right now - I'm scaring myself with the depth of this hatred.................
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2008): So true to life is this situation, I live with a man who cant say no to his kids. His 16 year old daughter came home and said..I want to stay at my boyfriends over night..so he let her since he knows she is having sex anyhow...I told him he is wrong and thent he troubles began...now Im the one on the outside looking in..Kids come first and thats that...His kids are total users and he is so nice he doesnt even see it..now we have the two boys "girlfiends sleeping over" there are no morals here..so on with life...
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): I think this whole thread is a perfect example of why male or female, if you have kids and are separated from their biological parent, you should not re-enter into another relationship.
There are so many cases in the press where step-parents abuse step-children physically or sexually, there are even many many cases of deaths caused by this jealousy.
I myself was a victim of a step-parent who resented us and though she never resorted to physical or sexual abuse she would make us into an issue to make our father resent us. She would verbally abuse us with “you are ugly, just like your mother” she would refuse to let us stay at her house for access weekends sometimes and mean that we would end up sleeping on the couch of one of my dad’s friends a lot (resulting in us getting sick from lack of sleep and cold). She would say that we had done something wrong to get us punished so that we would miss out on things we were looking forward too. She would send us as young children on long bike rides to get rid of us, sometimes we weren’t allowed back in the house till dark. And she would keep my father in their room until 3pm in the afternoon during that time we were not allowed to go to the kitchen to eat, or to the bathroom as the noise might disturb her from sleeping in.
Women, take note, I was 2 until 17 with her like this, I remember things from when I was 2, I knew what she was doing then and I remember it clearly. These children will grow up to adults and when they do anything you’ve done to them YOU will feel the fool for! These days she sucks up to me like she loves me so much and she wants me to forget the past.
Please people, don’t get together with someone with children and parents don’t get together with anyone until your children are grown and can defend themselves – don’t let them be the next victims.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): You are normal. Alot of the people who replied either A) are parents or B) have never had Stepchildren. My step kids suck 1k/month in child support plus he bought a 3 bedroom apt do they could have own room, then he quit his job and I pay for it. His kids are LOUD and he does not get on to them and says I nag them and to leave them alone b/c all kids are loud. I too have thought about making a vodoo doll and sewing the mouths shut on it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): I'm going through something similar with my boyfriend. He has a crazy ex that won't leave us alone and uses their daughter as a way to control and manipulate him. It's gotten worse now that we have our own child. I think she feels threatened by our new baby and will do anything to break us up even though she has a b/f. I find myself hating his ex so much that it filters into me hating the daughter he had with her too. It's gotten to the point were i can't have her in my house b/c her face reminds me of her trashy mother. I have bad thoughts of making him chose b/w the daughter he had with her and my son and I. Sometimes i feel like i'm going to hell for having these awful thoughts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): hunney it isnt easy being with a girl with kids or ideal i mean i wanna marry a gurl and have babies with her and everything, but ur messed up. wanting 2kill the babies...that's wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): And for my THIRD post...lady, in ANY relationship, be it your own marriage or a relationship with a person who already has children, the kids ALWAYS come first. And that's how it should be. Children are the center of any family; parents should get along, yes, but the main focus on any family is on children.
The fact that your man doesn't recognize that poses serious problems. He is willing to ditch his kids for his mistress? (And yes, I am calling you his mistress.) What sort of family values or morals does this man have? Have you asked yourself that question? What makes you think that your "soulmate" wouldn't do the same for you? He did it to his legitimate wife, after all. You're next, honeybuns.
As I stated earlier, if you want a sustainable relationship with this man, then you are going to have welcome his kids into your life. And so will he. The fact that neither of you acknowledge the importance of family makes me think that this "romance" is no more than a meaningless little fling. That's it.
I'm not saying that you should live your life according to his ex's rules. So far, my boyfriend and I have no idea where our relationship is taking us, but I know that I wouldn't let that happen if I were to end up marrying my boyfriend.
But who knows, if we end up getting married, I plan on being an active part of his son's life. All of us celebrating Christmas, Easter, and even soccer games together. Will there be tension between me and his mother? To an extent, yes. But she's a good mom and a good person, and I can tell and appreciate that. I'm only 22, and I can see that.
So think about that. If you're unwilling to do all those things, then you are clearly not the "soulmate" of this man. I'm sure you can do better than a dead-beat Dad. Or maybe you can't.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Beyond that (and yes, I'm posting something here twice), I think you need therapy. This much hate towards his legitimate wife and children when they have done nothing to you? Tension between you and the wife is understandable, but wanting the children dead? Woman, I think it is safe to say that you need to see a therapist. My boyfriend and I live in separate countries, and I adore my his child. If it were a choice between who has to die, me or him, I would raise my hand and jump off a cliff before anything happens to that beautiful baby boy. I think of him as one of my very own. As for what others have mentioned about having a family, and so forth. These three children are going to be a part of the family that you plan on creating with this man. I don't care whether you like it or not, but that is going to be the case. Either get some therapy, accept and analyze the situation, accept these three under your roof with dignity and love, or meet someone else. But fantasizing about murdering kids? You belong in an insane asylum or jail.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): Lady, you have some serious issues. I am currently dating a guy (for three months) who was never married to the mother of his child, but cares about his son deeply and sees him every day. We live in different countries, and sometimes we can be absolutely romantic together, other times we fight like monsters. In the end, you're going to have to accept the fact that you were out of his orbit at that point in time--there is no point in being so past-oriented, it only creates extra problems. No relationship needs that. I'm not going to lie to you and say that my boyfriend's ex doesn't make me insecure. She does. And I won't say that he doesn't make me feel insecure either. He does. But one thing that we've both learned is that there is no point in obsessing about what already happened. You have a relationship with this man now. Take it from there.On a different note, the fact that your man does not see his kids says a lot about him. Falling out of love with his wife (or currently ex-wife) is one thing, but not seeing his kids is low, irresponsible, and unfair to his ex-wife and kids--all kids should have two good parents. Bear that in mind, please.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): I can kind of relate to how youre feeling because I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months and I hate his ex girlfriends sooo much and I lost my virginity to him and when ever I think about the two girls that he has sex with before me it makes me really sad and I cry almost everyday about it.
I have no idea why I feel this way because I do not know any of his ex girlfriends but I still hate every single one of them and I also wish they would die.
You probably feel this way because you love him so so so so much and you just want to have every little peice of him all to you, you dont want anyone else to love him because he is all yours and you dont want to share.
at least I think thats why I feel that way.
hope i helped :]
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reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 March 2008):
 Look at the date! Please leave old psycho posts in the dust! This one was truly a pain in the butt, trust me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2008): I just read your profile. theres special words reserved for old men that go out with underage girls. I am not suprised by your question or your feelings given your age, go out with someone younger and less baggage
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): I totally agree with you. I hate my man's ex and his kids. He sees them once a week but not the ex. Just the kids. I want to torture the mother and kids and he's so calm about it telling me that seeing them once a week will end soon and its just a matter of time, only because his father wasnt there for him when he was a child so he doesnt want to make the mistake of not letting his 2 kids have the chance to know him. He was never married to the mother and never lived with her either...
I dont want to have anything to do with his kids and he says its ok, eventually they will be adults and live their own life where they really dont need a father figure. I still hate them with a passion. I think that the mother should think about abortion if she knew that a relationship with the father wasnt really there then to have sex just for fun...what a bitch!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): Well the reason I googled this subject is because I have developed a pathalogical hatred of my female partners 2 small children for NO good reason. The crazy thing is they like me. I just cannot reconsile the way the mother over indulges them. The kids may be spoilt little brats but it's not their fault and actually when I do spend time with them they calm down. Their mother is impossible and very stupid with her dealings with them. There are no parameters. The girl aged 6 has developed the art of witholding her stools and letting fly when the moment has the most impact either at school or when she does not want to do something. It's unbelievable. The boy 8 is a whining child who gets reactions by discussing unsavoury subjects like toilet behavior to virtual strangers and should be pulled up immediately. It's all down to the fact that the mother is an obsessive and spends much of her time micro analysing her life. She expects these children to understand long drawn out analytical discussions about their behaviour and in fact what they need is basic dicipline. I've raised 2 children as a single parent who are now at college. I was never draconian, just helpful but when no meant no I meant it. They are truly delightful now. Anyway, my thoughts really trouble me because it's not like me to reactin this way. As you probably have worked out I'm on my way out of this relationship but I'd really like to hear some views on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): i can totally sympathise as i feel exactly the same about my partners ex and kids. we have been together 7years now and i still feel the same. its 2 the point now where he resents me 4 it. we r now in the process of buying seperate houses so i dont have 2 c them when he has them every other weekend. i hate feeling this bitterness thats eating me up inside but i know it wont go away. i just wish they didnt exsist! its more coman than u think 4 a woman not 2 b able 2 take on her partners kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): That sucks girl. My boyfriend has 2 kids and an ex wife thats still in the picture and it blows! You will never have this man to yourself. I hate his ex with a passion and his kids really get on my nerves. I hate when they are around. You will be much better off with a man for you, that you can marry and have your own kids with. Thats what you have to offer and you deserve that back. I know how you feel. Its hard, Ive been dealing with it and working on it, but it never changes. Whatever you do, dont get pregnant, trust me! I know you love him and are already involved and its hard, but you should run like hell and wait for your man!! save yourself the drama and the pain and the misery
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): Okay, you knew he had kids. He might be able to leave his wife (this is a different point altogether but doesn't reflect to well on you.) but never his kids. If you get involved with someone who has kids, be prepared to always be second compared to them.Deal with it! Your not as important as them and you never will be.And if you can't deal with it and leave. Then i think that says everything someone should know about you. Breaking up a home for your own selfish reasons. (And no, that's not a compliment despite anyway you choose to take it)Some people like you really don't care what you do as long as your happy. Your very sad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2007): No, it's not weird that you hate your boyfriend's kids. My boyfriend has two children that live with us all day, every day. Originally, they didn't. As soon as we moved in together, they just started coming over more and more and now they live here. I'm always pissed because I feel like I was never asked how I feel about it. Also, they are pretty much the worst children that ever existed. They lie, steal, fight. It makes me sick. They ar exactly like their mother who is also a criminal. However, it is something I either have to deal with or get out. And I'm in the process of getting out. Bottom line is the kids will always be there and there is nothing you can do about it. I reccommed single people to not date people with children. you need to be on the same level and your significant level and no matter how much you wished they would disapear, they absolutely will not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): I feel the same way as most females who have posted. I have been dating a great guy for 3 years and I hate hate the thought of kids. I tried to go along with it in the beggining but I just cant stand it anymore. I refuse to have anything to do with his kids. I quit going to their events and I dont allow them to come to the house if I am home. I dont know what my problem is either. I get angry even thinking about them. I do know that my boyfriend does everything to keep me happy but seems like he would choose them over me at the drop of a hat if they need something. I hate it. What can a person do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): I hate the fact my boyfriend has 2 kids! Its terrible. They are really sweet kids, but they are still young and who knows how they will turn out. I look at them and see his ex and it makes me wanna vomit. Sometimes I feel like leaving him because I can't handle him having kids with someone else. i feel lost.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): oh my god what is wrong with you all? It IS normal to resent his ex and kids but you haven't done them any harm it's just an expression of your inner feelings. They certainly do see you as the reason things have changed in their life and this will cause difficulties for you all but, ffs, all those who villify you and call you a freak should just back off and join the human race. They don't know what his ex and kids have done, said, encouraged etc and it is different in every situation. Persevere and trust will see you through and even if you don't get the resuly you hope for you can move on knowing you gave t your best shot. I wish you ALL happiness x
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I have been with my boyfriend for two years and I still can't get close to his two daughters. Every time I see them it's like I'm looking at their mum and thoughts of my boyfriend and his ex wife together really get me down. He never has a bad word to say about is ex and always defends anything negative I say about her. His youngest daughter who's 12 would do anything to split us up, she left her very large school bag at his house the day me and her dad were going on holiday and made him take it to her school thinking we would miss our flight and moans if me and her dad are going out anywhere without her. They live with there mum and he sees them every other weekend and once during the week. Both the girls ignore me when I'm in their company and we never talk, I find it very un comfortable trying to get them to talk to me I end up going home feeling so fed up. I love my boyfriend very much but I don't think me and the girls will ever be close. My boyfriend wants me to buy a house with him but this is never going to happen if he listens to what his girls think of me living with their dad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): lets hope you never have kids with him then as they say what goes around comes around. I just hope you are never left in charge of these kids you dont sound mentally stable at all. I bet you are the sort who tries to stop him seeing his kids. They will blame you when they are teenagers if you last that long and he hasnt moved onto the next one, so good luck with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): i am going through sorta the same thing and i feel the same way about my boyfriends kid from a previous relationship. for the first almost year of our relationship he didn't see them or talk to them but they're coming around now wanting him to be a part of their life and i hate it. i dont want to see her or his kid. ugh.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2007): normal. normal. normal. i felt the same way initially. now...i have compassion for the child, as i see she is simply a product of her mum, as she is the custodial parent. i feel more like the child's big sister, protecting her from the parental bully. now, my issue...is simply the mom. i feel hate for her. i find myself not wanting her to be happy. and although i do realize that the problem is in my head...we must sometimes seek answers outside ourselves, when we're having a hard time finding them inside. emotions sure can mask wisdom huh. i have no answers. but thankful that this is very common. maybe we need a support group: girlfriends of boyfriends with bratty ex-wives and kids. maybe a mantra for the road. let us know how it goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): i broke up my boyfriends marriage too...he has 2 kids. ive been with him 6 yrs and he hasnt re-married yet, like he promised. his kids are so annoying, they r growing up to be just like their mom...UGH! i hate their mom, and i fear i will start hating the kids too eventually...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): you are normal
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): Simple biology; they're competitors for his resources that you want to support the children you want to have with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): I hope by now he is divorced. I am engaged and living with a man who's divorce took _FIVE_ years! He also has three children. Now that the divorce is final she is dragging him back to court for MORE support. She called at least once a week and emailed him constantly -- a real drama mama. When his children did visit (two are teens) she would call on their cells for updates about what I fed them, etc. I hate her but I refuse to let her live rent free in OUR world. Hope you do the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): Been there done that. This man will only hurt you and ruin your life. He will live with you and be like a parasite. The woman and kids will always be part of him and he will always love them even if you got pregnant. You will see then he will leave you and give only support to his previous family.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): There is no way you had a happy childhood home yourself. Did you Father leave you and your Mom too? Is this payback? Do you secretly hate yourself and are projecting this onto his innocent children? Are you resentful that his children are so beautiful and innocent and you never felt you had that yourself?
All that you have said screams you have issues and rather than entertaining such dark, morbid, evil thoughts-work out what the real problems are.
Jealousy in small doses is human, but to go to extremes because you hurt so much and are afraid to be abandoned...you should indentify with his children and yet you don't? Why is that you think? Your jealousy, hatered, resentment, anger is unhealthy period.
Do you cut yourself? Do you go into rages? Do you sulk and throw temper tantrums when he isn't supportive of you? Does he hug and reassure you? Does he represent all the love you felt you never had? What happens should he leave? Will you act your thoughts out?
It may be unkind how others have stated that you need professional help but come on...I don't care what group you hang with it's just not cool to think such vile, violent, destructive thoughts about others so snap out of it and save yourself, love yourself.
Seek counselling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): my god i know how you feel, mine has three kids (one being handicapped) i feel the same way, that mental picture we get in our heads, i dread when they come over because they make a mess and i am so sick of cleaning, i have no kids and i have lived alone for a long time and now i am living with him and i am having a hard time when they come, your not a bad person, for thinking this way but you have to make a choice, you stay and take it or leave, there is no other solution.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2007): I am in the SAME SITUATION!! People need to understand that just because he has kids with someone does not mean that he has to spend the rest of his life with her. Girl, you are only looking out for yourself. You would be foolish to not think of yourself and feel threatened. As much as it sucks, be supportive. He's going through hell too but remember, he's with you and he's showing you that he cares. If all else fails, take your hearts warning and pursue yourself if youre not happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006): i feel the same way
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2006): get over it or it will ruin your life. He's with you now anyway, not them
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2006): how can u say things like that you don't even no them and just cause he says he was unhappy doesn't mean it was there fault imagine how those poor kids feel losing there father it makes me sick that he cuts all contact with them why go and have kids with someone if he's going to do that for godsake.And as for you how u said you hate the kids they done nothing wrong imagine how they must feel knowing that there dad left them for you i mean what did they ever do to you i'm sorry to say this bit i think your just jelous that he already has a family who he should be trying to take care of instead of being a selfish bastard who justABANDONDED'S his children and you need to grow up and just accept it or hit the road.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): I'm with a guy that used to be married and has 2 kids. I wasn't the reason for their separation, but ever since we met, his ex is a monster to me. She says mean things to the kids, and they blabber it on when they`re with us, like: when you`re pregnant I`ll call my mom and her friends and we`ll beat you up...You´Re very selfish, you destroyed a family and "hate" what you`ve destroyed. Be ashamed of yourself, AND BE satisfied with what you've got.
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reader, *deadrainbowpixie* +, writes (2 February 2006):
*deadrainbowpixie* is verified as being by the original poster of the question Wow, I'm a psycho. Thanks for the compliment - not sure it was meant as one, but that's how I'm taking it :]
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reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 February 2006):
 You have some serious problems, why would you be so vitriolic towards people who have never hurt you but you have actually hurt in the past? What is going on in your head? I feel for the man you are with who left a stable family life for an individual who fantasizes about murdering his kids! Go see your Gp and confess you are having *weird* thoughts and get sorted.
Jeez x
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): You are a scarey nutter who needs help. NOW
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2006): He WILL leave you if you try to come between he and his kids. I agree with 'eyeswideopen', you DO sound pretty much psycho to me too. "Dead and dismembered"? Sheesh!
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reader, *deadrainbowpixie* +, writes (2 February 2006):
*deadrainbowpixie* is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh shut up! You're here to HELP people, not say things like that and make everything worse!! Grrrrr!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006): You'll be dealing with the kids and the ex-wife for the rest of your life or until he runs off with someone else, whichever comes first.
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