A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:How come I find it hard to get over people? My last 2 girlfriends I'm having difficulty getting over and I still miss them (well, one!) and want her back. The counsellor said that it may be because I lost my Dad. What do you think? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 It sounds like Fear of Abandonment. After the death of your dad, you felt abandoned, and now when ever someone you care about leaves, you experience the anchor to those feelings. That is my guess based on what you have written.
For a man, the healthiest thing you can do, is date as many women as you can, not getting exclusive UNTIL a woman proves herself to you over time. This will break the pattern of Fear of Abandonment you are feeling.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (9 January 2008):
 "How come I find it hard to get over people? My last 2 girlfriends I'm having difficulty getting over and I still miss them (well, one!) and want her back. The counsellor said that it may be because I lost my Dad. What do you think?"
I can completely relate to this. I had an issue with getting over my last grilfriend which ended 2 months ago. It hit me 10 times as hard as any other due to the fact it brought back the feelings of loss I experienced when my Dad passed away 5-6 years ago.
During counselling I actually spent the first 2 sessions grieving for my Dad and felt better for it. I had never had the time to grieve due to other circumstances going on in my life over all that time.
Following the third session the counseller advised me to do things that make me feel good no matter how small they may seem and it's really working.
I'm not 100% there but I'm making progress. I've just written a reply this evening that tells you how I've been dealing with this as advised by the counseller here:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-found-thers-hope-for-us-but-i.html
Hope this is of some help :)
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A
female
reader, Fionaisme  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 heya i know how you feel. it took me a year to get over a three month relationship and thats no lie. Maybe its because in absence of your Dad you want comfort and you feel that this girl was special and that she would be there for you. Maybe you felt that she was the one person in the world you felt the most comfortable around and now that shes gone you feel lonely.
My advice to you is to spend time with people you enjoy, try and keep busy and just have a positive outlook. I know its easier said than done but thats what i did and it helped me a lot.
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A
female
reader, Lorna.. +, writes (8 January 2008):
it may be because of your dad, you just want someone who can comfort you. or maybe you just really liked this girl and you find it hard to get over?
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 Some people form strong attachments to their mates, almost like an obsession of sorts. Also, the way the relationship ends can sometimes have something to do with our acceptance of it. You may need closure of some kind. Usually when you are dumped, it's harder to accept than when you've been the one to break it off. The way you handle rejection has alot to do with how you heal and move on after a break up. Continue your counseling sessions. Try starting a journal and write down how your feeling, even when you are feeling happy and centered. It just takes time to get over a relationship. Keep busy and try to get involved with friends and family so you are no lonely. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (8 January 2008):
 I partially know how you feel. I've been trying to get over my first love for about 6 1/2 months now. We were together for 2 years. How long were you with these girls for? It is never easy getting over somebody you love, so the way you are feeling isn't a surprise. And I'm sure the death of your father (I'm sorry) will have only exacerbated things; you will be feeling more emotional at that time than you would have done if you hadn't lost somebody so close to you.
Unfortunately I can only offer the advice people have offered me for a while now: Give it time, and stay active. Time heals all wounds, and I understand it is easy to feel impatient, and as if time is not helping at all, but a some stage, you will feel much better about the whole situation. If you keep active and do things you enjoy, this will only speed up your recovery.
If you want to message me at some stage, please do, because we are experiencing similar emotions. In the mean time, good luck to you.
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