A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My exboyfriend and I are 22 and 23. We were dating for on and off for 5 years right out of high school up until about 3 weeks ago. we dont have any children and have never lived with each other but seem to have made it through alot. We broke up because we had been arguing alot lately and I had been telling him that he really didnt love me lately only because all the little stuff that I liked had stopped. Since the break up we have had sex twice and of course that only makes me want him back. He has made it clear that he dosent want to jump back into the relationship because we have been to this breaking point before and he really wants to get past the arguing. But at the same time he has told me that he started talking to other girls. i dont no if I should be mad that he is or not care, he told me...Im really not sure how to go about this we have been through lotsssss! The part that confuses me the most is that he keeps sending me txt messages saying that he loves me and im his heart and that we are going to get back together, but right now we need some time. I dont know what to think.. Then he says if you talk to someone else I dont care because I know that your still going to be my girlfriend. How did this happen?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice, I havent spoken with or texted him since 10/14 and have received endless calls and text messages. Since its back to work today he will probably reach me by calling my desk phone. I am taking the advice on not dealing with him because it atually hurt more to continue talking with someone who really didnt want to be with me. It still hurts and I miss him tons.. But im going to take one day at a time. Thanks all.
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (15 October 2010):
 He's definitely getting the best of both worlds right now, and it's because you're giving it to him. Not only is he able to sleep with you and communicate with you (who he's comfortable with) whenever he wants, but now that you two are broken up, he gets to dip into new meat too! What you need to do is cut him off completely. Stop seeing him, and every other time he tries to call, don't answer. Make him think you're super busy, seeing friends and new guys. Don't try to make contact, let him miss YOU.
I definitely wouldn't physically see him again though for quite some time. Start healing due to the break up, and start seeing the possibility of him not being with you anymore. He will never realize what he's missing if you're always there, even if you two are broken up. I know it's hard to do, but either way you'll get your answer, and you won't get stepped on in the process. Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Cccc  +, writes (15 October 2010):
 Well whatever you do dont get stringed along...This is typical behavior for a First love relationship thats long term just like "Dirtball" said.But believe it or not they get back together most of the times.Id say give him some space to miss you like dont phone so often and have very little contact but do still keep it.He needs to know what his life would be like without you and he will never know accept if you stop contacting him.Dont play games but dont let him play games with you.I think doing you talking to him so much makes you TO available to him so after messing around out there he knows he can just pop right back.I know this isnt nice to hear but people sometimes do stupid stuff.I know im in this position right now...
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (15 October 2010):
 Gotta love the confusion. If he wants to be with you, then why break up? Right? I know that's playing in your mind. Then there is him talking to other girls...
What I see here is someone who is questioning their relationship because they are wondering what they missed. Often when you spend years with your first love, it becomes natural to wonder if there was maybe someone else out there for you. Especially when the negative seems to outweigh the positive.
I think you need to distance yourself from him for now. Tell him that if he wants to be with you so badly, then he needs to be with you and work through your issues. What he is doing is running from them. He wants you to talk to other guys so he doesn't feel so guilty. He thinks that he hasn't lost you, thus his statement about how he knows you'll go back to him.
Give him a reality check! Let him know what you want and expect if you're going to get back together. Stand your ground and follow through.
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