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Why did he suddenly brush me off?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 October 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2014)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

A question mostly to men:

Why would a man show interest in a woman only to complete ignore her all of a sudden and not even look at her or say hi when he sees her, when the last time he saw her he insinuated otherwise? He does know I am in a relationship, but why is he not even saying hi now? People can still be kind to each other even if they are not available?

Last week he told me he was going to be going to another location for his work in a month (he was giving me a heads up and even provided the details of the location) and I told him that I guess I wouldn't be seeing him anymore since I go in to the location where he currently works, to which he replied, ''I am sure you'll see me'' to which I replied, ,Yeah, I guess you never know''.

Then just today when I walked into the usual location (he was not transferred yet), he flat out ignored me. He completely pretended I wasn't there and pretended to be on his cell phone, when clearly he was not speaking to anyone. I was disappointed that people can behave like this. My intentions are purely platonic. I really just enjoyed chatting with him when I saw him as he would take care of my account. Why the sudden change? Did he feel he let his guard down last time too hastily?

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (18 October 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntHoneypie once again has this situation nailed!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (17 October 2014):

Honeypie agony auntEh if your intentions were PURELY platonic, and he is ignoring you... I'd chalk this one up to "not friend material".

Let it go. He can CHOOSE who he wants to be friends with and whom he doesn't. Maybe.. he just had a bad day and wasn't in the mood to "play nice" with you. Maybe he is just an asshat.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (17 October 2014):

Tisha-1 agony auntYou know, this may not be about you at all. I'm dealing with some family medical issues and it's taking all my time and energy. I'm sure I've inadvertently ignored friends while I'm on the phone or waiting for a call or even just sitting lost in thought because I'm so worried about things. I'm distracted walking down the street. I sat at a stop sign for 5 minutes one morning, waiting for the light to turn green. I finally realized it was a stop sign.

If you're in a relationship with someone else and this man is transferring, just accept that it's a dead end. Yes, you could be miffed and huffy that he seems to be ignoring you, but what's the point of that? You want someone to say, yes, you right, he's being a jerk? Ignore him? Okay, he's being a jerk, so ignore him!

It could just be that he doesn't waste any time or energy on a woman who isn't going to bed with him. Perhaps he isn't interested in platonic friendship with women. He has male friends to hang around with, maybe for him, women are for dating or screwing but not platonic chitchat.

He made a pass at you, found out you are in a relationship, so you fall to the bottom of the 'pay attention to' barrel. So what? Ignore him and move on.

I choose the more charitable approach. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato or -Ian Maclaren (there's some dispute as to who originated the phrase)

Leave him to his battle, whatever it is.

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