A
female
age
30-35,
*abathashumake
writes:Background:keep in mind during this that my boyfriend is 22, a county cop, and raised really well off( his mom is seriously loaded). PRIOR to me he dated a girl for 3 yrs, they were having problems so he ended up getting engaged still had problems(such as cussing his mom, and them two fighting constantly, and she never appreciated him for the things they did together, nor she never wanted to do fun things with him. Then they got married for 8months and he left her cause things never got better. He admitted to me that he was stupid for ever marrying her knowing they didnt get along, that he thought thing would just get better.Well me and him met at a store one night while he was on duty. Well when we got together he was not fully out of his marriage. They had been split for months, but the papers were final 2months in to us dating.He told me about a month into dating him, " Im not going to lie, I thought this was going to be a fling, i didnt know i was going to fall so hard, well we ended up finally saying that we loved each other. Well during 4months we went to 2 florida trips and 3 concerts( all in 4months) He always wrote me long letters saying that he never met anyone like me that he hoped I allowed him forever to prove his love to me, and he would send long text messages for about 3 months saying the same thing(all day long), I stayed with him every single night after about 3weeks of dating him(he has two roomates they are jailers). We have NEVER had an argument, never. He would tell me things after a month like I hope this dont scare yew but I want a ring on your finger so everyone knows that your mine, and told me(on his on), when he was married she mention kids and that it scared him, but that he could see us having kids together when the time came. Everyone in our town and my family could telkl you how crazy he was for me. Well about a month before he left me his brother got cheated on by his wife of (7yrs), and not even a week later figured out his ex wife was already engaged!!!Well we went to a gary allan concert about a week later(hes walking to the bathroom and passes his ex wife and fiance) A week later we went to eric church concert in bermingham for a night. well we seemed real distant on tuesday, wednesday, and thursday because when i would get off work he would be asleep and once i got up he would be gone to work.The breakup:Well he has to get up at 4:30, just about five to six times a week(He always does over time always because he pays all oif his bills)well once he got off at six, and had to go straight to the high school to work the football game till eleven( which is the same time i get off work). On my break i texted him around 8 and i said," hey i know we have been distant the past few days, but i hope works going good and I love yew baby, i hope that if yew ever felt different about me that yew would tell me, well i love yew"..he never wrote back, so when it hit eleven i texted him well im leaving(other words going to his house) he said where are you and to meet him somewhere, so i said lets go to square. When he got there we talked and laughed for about 15 to 20minutes. finally things got quiet were leand up on his potrol car and he says,"I dont know about us", I said what do you mean HE: its not fair that u have to come home and im asleep then wake up with me gone, then once im off you have eaither work or school or coaching cheerleading. he said were going in so many different directions. Me:(paused) do you want me to say antything? Him:(paused) yea if you have something to say Me:(looks him in his eyes) im not saying any of this to change your mind or make you feel bad. I love you, never felt this way before about anyone, even my ex i was with for 3yrs.. I said i dont care if you take me out to eat to hardees once every six months, nor if you lived in a cardbord box, that he was the best i ever had sexually and emotionally.(He tears up, and goes on this spill)Him: please let me be here for you, we need to be friends, please let me be here for you i care so much for you, i dont wanna hurt you. He wanted to be able to have lunch with me. Me: I dont know if i want you to be here for me right now cause it hurts. ( he tears up again, points at his eyes saying if this didnt hurt so bad tht he would not be crying like that. I ended up calling my cousin cause i didnt wanna be alone that night( he hears my conversation on the phone with her). I said well me and her are going to ride to town. Him: please becareful tonight please there are crazy drivers on friday nights( he looks up to sky and says, if something happens to you I..I) he could not finish his sentence because he had tears rolling down his face and crying so hard. hugs me pushes me back and looks at me and says.." Its like i want yew to come to my house so i know your safe.I said well if you meet someone else, he stoped me and said"this is NOT what this is about" well after we talked a few more minutes i said one more question Me: are we done Him: yes ME:(looks in his eyes) so we will never ever get back together and dont sugar coat it. Him:(looks down) just not now, that a year from now he could hit me and say what are you doing like why are we not dating? I said ok well im leaving. He said text me first so he would know that he could text me. Me: im not texting you first. Well after we left he text me and said "I am home please be careful tonight please!! I said ok.Monday after that friday he left me:(me and him and his mom and husband had a trip planned 2nd full week in december to go to mountians) His mom text me and says" you wanna go to belks and by sweaters, because two days in Gatlenburg Tennesse its suppose to be snowing". I called her and said your son left me. she said what???? I talked to him saturday and he did not mention it, but that she would call him tonight to see if he would mention it then. next day i texted her and said did you mention it? she said jade me and him talked for a very long time and he mentioned NOTHING of yall braking up, turns out he said nothing to his dad side, nor his on roomates!!! His mom finally said i heard yew and jade broke up, and all he said was yea( but he would not tell her why). His step mom on his dad side said that they all figured it out without him telling them so she puts a picture of us on the fridge to see if he would say anything. She said he walked in, and (step mom) said hey did yew see yalls picture on the fridge, and all he said was yea i saw it. Really please need advice??????Do you think hes comminng back???Others advicepeople ive talked to says he seems scared, but that it might be a financial problem, because he pays rent, truck payment, insurence, time share, credit card, and to keep me and him up by taking me out to eat all the time. and he just spent 1000 dollers on new tires cause he needed them. and his financial aid is not going right at his new school he starts in decmber( there online classes. That thats probably the reason he wont tell anyone..mostly his mom! for the fact we had a trip comming up!! please i need answers!!
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broke up, cousin, engaged, ex-wife, fiance, get back together, his ex, I love you, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 This young man is only 22, already been married and divorced, personally I don't think he is mature enough for a long term committment.
he was dating his ex wife for three years prior to being married to her for 8 months, he was only 18, and then before he even finalised the failed marriage he was in a relationship with you.
He needs time to work out what he wants from life.
And as a side note, if my family heard I had broken up with somebody and then stuck pictures of me and that person on the fridge or anywhere else, I would not be interested in discussing the whys and wherefores either, it would indicate a lack of consideration and care for ME!
He needs some time and space, and I hope he takes this opportunity to make sure he gets it, with or without his family's support!
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 November 2012):
 I read your complete submittal... and all along a little voice kept whispering to me: "What is this girl doing spending even another minute with this creep".....
Listen to the voice in my head....
Good luck.....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2012): "Why did he break up with me? No one can figure it out!"
It doesn't matter. Operative phrase is HE BROKE UP WITH YOU.
No point in specualating on the cause, the effect is what counts. He now considers you his ex-girlfriend so he is no longer your boyfriend.
"Do you think hes comminng back???"
Guys generally don't break up with girls with the intention of coming back, they break up with the intention of going, and then staying, away.
"please i need answers!!"
The one word answer you've spent 1,431 words not wanting to hear is likely a root cause of his dumping you: "NO" (as in you simply refuse to take "no" for an answer).
I'm sorry, but you present yourself in a manner that suggests you may be high-maintenance (to be polite). Do not micro-analyze his motives, accept his decision and start moving on. He has parents and friends to whom he is close, I'm sure they will pick up on any indications that he is in any kind of trouble or suffereing from any type of disorder.
Don't wait around for him; if he wants to come back, then will come back, but I would suggest he simply wants to close a chapter in his life and start a new one, hence his silence to family and friends. The less he says to them, the less that will get back to you, and the fewer third-degrees he'll have to undergo at your instigation in the near future.
I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but based on your post I can understand completetly why he would choose to cut ties quickly, quietly but definitively. Please do him the greatest kindness you possibly can by respecting his wishes and his decision to end it with you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 November 2012):
 It's not about past baggage, fear of committment, you not the right pereson, his brother's wife cheating, or him not having enough to pay for the trip. There are reasons why he is not telling you the truth and he is indeed hiding something. I don't think you should just suck it up without talking to him. He counted you as an important part of his life. If he feels suicidal he should not go through it alone. His proposal of undying love seems excessive and dramatic. Just because you broke up does not mean you don't care about him anymore. At the end if he can't be open with you then it's proof that you can't be with him. Nobody likes secrets. He understands that it's not fair for you but it seems like he chooses to live with that secret than to share it with you. When you talk to him you are not trying to get back with him, you just want to make sure he is okay and is not regretting his choices.
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