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female
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anonymous
writes:Hoping some of the fabulous agony aunts could give me a tip or two here. My ex and I were together twelve years. He left me and went back to his hometown two years ago. Canada is a big country so there was fair distance between us. He met someone else and was with her up until October of this year. During his relationship with her, they would break up and he would always get back in touch with me. I know it was a mistake but I was always there for him. He invited me out for the May long weekend and I went. I cannot say things went great..I could sense that he met someone else. When I got back from the trip I called and thanked him for his hospitality but he never returned my call and has all but ignored me since then. I was hurt by this and hurt that he would just leave me dangling. I called him tonight..it was impulsive I guess. He was polite but cool and mentioned there was someone else. What can you say to that...I ended the conversation and wished him the best. I set some boundaries and asked that he not call again if he is between girlfriends. I know we are kaput and even though short term it hurts...long term it is for the best. I am a forthright person and wonder why he did not spare me the pain by telling me a month ago that he had met someone else. He just ignored me.He called me every night the month before I visited and has ignored me since. Maybe guys might have insight as to why he handled it this way. Thanks for all answers. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (3 July 2008):
 I have found that men avoid confrontation at all costs. This was very cruel and hurtful of him and he should have had the guts to tell you but from experience I know most men won't. My husband continued to see his girlfriend and me on and off for years before he came clean and that was only because even he couldn't hide it anymore. You handled the phone call extremely well and ensure that you keep to the boundaries you hve set the next time he calls - which he invariably will. I had something similar where when we first split up my husband called me every night at 9pm and then suddenly it just stopped and he never rang again. It would have helped me to have been told exactly why this was instead of being in no mans land but I never got any answers on this. This guy hs been with you for 12 years and always comes back to you when life isn't so sweet but I think for your own sanity you have to draw the line and not be there for him anymore because quite clearly it is too painful for you. You were strong on the phone and the response you got when you rang was hard to deal with so I suggest you keep to what you said and don't bother with him anymore. 12 years is a long time and it is a real heart pull but he is not treating you with respect and it is time to cut him loose.
A
female
reader, lonely101  +, writes (3 July 2008):
Maybe he was afraid of hurting your feelings? If he met her before you went to visit him maybe he felt bad for it while you were there.
Or he could just be a jerk, who only cares about himself.
You're doing the right thing by staying clear of him. You have to take care of you first.
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A
female
reader, hflamo +, writes (3 July 2008):
 he was probably afraid to and set it off as long as possible.im guessing he was afraid that you would freak out on the phone or cry and he probably didn't want to handle that.
yes he shouldn't have waited so long and instead of making it a clean break he made it a horrible one but obviously he wasn't thinking
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