A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've been with my girlfriend a little over two years, but recently I have been considering properly for the first time to myself whether I should end things. We go to college together, and have had a great couple of years - ups and downs along the way - and I enjoy being with her, around her, especially when things are good. However I'm pretty convinced that I don't want to carry the relationship on after graduation, though waiting until then seems so fake,opportunistic, and unfair to her - if I'm feeling what I'm feeling I should just do something about it.Thing is, I'm not sure I really want to break up. It might be because I've got so used to things, and am (subconsciously?) anxious of being alone again, but I'm a very independent person, and in truth I think it's more that I know I will miss her if I end things. We've been very much best friends for two years, but I've got this niggling suspicion that something inside me isn't as it was.It's got to an awkward stage where I feel that I can't say 'I love you' to her any more. The closest I get is a 'you too' when she says it to me, and, though I know this is a cop-out, it deflects the issue long enough for me to carry on thinking about what I'm really feeling. It's obvious that she's noticed, and she has started to text it to me, or wait around when saying goodbye, hoping that I'll say 'something', though I know that I can't say that 'something' that she wants me to say (at least not right now). This stage can't carry on indefinitely though, I know that, and either I will start to feel like saying it again, or I wont. Thing is, both options scare me! I'm not saying it at the moment because I don't want to lie to myself or to her - I can't say it one day, and break up with her the next.I'm confused and isolated in my thoughts, so any advice/help would be very much appreciated.Thanks.
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 Hi,
It's not your fault that you feel this way about your girlfriend, but it's not her fault either that you don't love her the same way as before. You've been together for 2 years, and you said that during this time you guys are like bestfriends. So, if you really do love her as a friend, respect her, you should be honest with her and break up now, and not wait until graduation. I am sure she's a good girl, and doens't deserve to be hurt. It's better to be honest and end in good terms. Make sure you are kind to her, and tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her that you want to keep her as friend, and that she can always count on you. You are still young, so you don't know how many crazy people are out there and it's really hard to meet normal, honest, good people. It's really hard to make good friends... So appreciate her... Break up doens't mean the end, you guys can still be friends... She might need a little time, but if you are honest with her, eventually she'll come along and be your friend forever.
Good luck/best wishes
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): I commend your wanting to be true to yourself and not say "I love you" when you know it's not sincere. Yes you're right that this means you should do something about your situationok let's look at the facts. - You can't say "I love you" sincerely, because you don't feel that way. And she has definitely noticed and is being affected by it.- you are convinced that you don't want to continue this relationship after graduation.- you haven't broken up yet because you know you've gotten comfortable having her around and are afraid of being lonelyI think the honorable thing to do is to break up with her now, not wait until after graduation. The longer you keep her around under false pretenses, the longer you're doing her a disservice by keeping her in a relationship where she isn't loved the way she should be and wants to be. It's selfish to keep her around, just because you don't want to be alone.
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