A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know why I am like this but in the past I have not been able to give a guy a blowjob who I am in a serious relationship with - which included my ex husband. Yet I have had no problem doing that with a couple of one night stands since. The problem I now have is the guy I have been seeing for 6 months I really like a great deal and care about... but I just don't want to go there it almost disgusts me. I feel like I am really letting him down because he is amazing at oral sex with me so it is completely one sided and I know he is wondering what the issue is. Is this because of the look of the penis or because of the type of relationship. At a loss what to do as I just cannot force myself :(
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blow-job, my ex, one night stand, oral sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (8 January 2014):
Dear OP,
What comes to mind when you think of blow-jobs? Is it something you consider "nasty"? I don't know the answer to your question, just a first quick guess would be that you find giving head somewhat embarrassing, so you're less ashamed if you do it with someone you never see again, than with someone you'll still see the next morning. I actually know people who prefer to do "nasty" things with strangers and play all "innocent" when in a relationship. Maybe they're afraid to show a certain side of themselves.
Another guess of mine could be that you're drunk when you have one night stands, so you feel less inhibition and disgust than when you're sober and in a relationship.
A third guess would be that you have ONS with guys you find physically attractive.. and have relationships with guys that don't turn you on, physically.
Anyway.. there are so many possible reasons that I also recommend therapy, if it continues to bother you and your partner. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): You are rewarding casual encounters more than people who care about you. That's a path to bad relationships to say the least.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (8 January 2014):
I can imagine that the guy who is emotionally invested in you would be less than crazy about this fact....
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (7 January 2014):
 Perhaps you have more self respect when around your love interest than when you're just out messing around?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (7 January 2014):
Honestly this sounds like a therapy issue to me.
I can't presume to know what might have happened in your past to cause you to feel this way- what I DO know is that this is very much an issue worth trying very hard to get over!
Sounds like it's deeply ingrained, so I recommend counseling.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 January 2014):
 Since you mention that is disgust you I think you are afraid HE will find YOU disgusting for giving him a blow job (which is 99% not how a guy would feel).
Have you considered TRYING to give him head while he does you? That way his focus will be on YOUR lady bits and yours will be on his bits.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 January 2014):
 I'd guess that you feel that fellatio is "sex" with an asterisk.... and, so, you don't feel that you really are being as intimate as you SHOULD BE.... with a REAL special guy-friend.... while - ironically - you are willing to partake of this delightful (believe me!) practice with your "one night stand".... sort of, as if fellatio (a blow job) isn't "really" "sex," after all....
IF'n you can adjust your frame of reference, perhaps you CAN bring yourself to reciprocate your new squeeze's oral (for you).... and you and he can get on to a new addition to your intimacies....
Good luck....
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