A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so this is not a relationship question but it kinda is sort of in a way.Well anyways i have noticed that people always seem to be mean to me not all the time but most of the time i get people mean to me or take me to serious, it's like this with both girls and guys, when i hang out with girls they seem to ignore me and are mean to me, like they ignore me in a way that says i know of you but look at me i will ignore you, it happens more with girls than with guys though. Also even with girls i like they all seem to be mean to me and run away from me even and i never even do anything, I'am SHY by nature and never even talk to this people, i just go up to a room with some friends and people look at me funny and strange, WHY? BUT the strangest thing is that when i leave and never talk to them again or have any contact with them, THEY ALL come crawling back to me. like for example all the girls that i like and ignore me, add me on facebook and start texting me to hang out, why i'am so frustrated by this, why do people do this????Even my boss that i worked for seemed to not like me and i quit after a while and i was looking for a job and he hired me on the spot again, i was like what i thought you hated me??????? Why do people do this to me why do they pretend to hate me and then start bugging me to hand out with them or talk to them why???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): You know what they say: the word around us just how we see it.We tend to over dramatize and over think of peoples behavior. The older you get the less personal you will start taking all the frases and behavior of different people.People usually who are obviously mean and rude to you are in fact not very happy people. They wouldn't act mean to another person if everything was alright with their lives.Also sometimes people say thing without thinking. Most of the time they don't realize that they are hurting your feelings. The fact that your boss hired you right back and your friends suddenly want to hang out with you, is a good example how what you thought was them not liking you turned out to be the opposite.We tend to read to much into someones words. Words sometimes just come out of someones mouth. Most of the time people hardly think what impression they make on other people with their words.The behavior that I adopted with this kind of people that seem to be most of time not friendly with me is that I started asking them direct questions, or tell them that I really don't appreciate this tone of voice.As soon as I started doing it, but mind you I was always nice when I talked to them, and spoke in a very calm voice, this part is the most important, I discovered that most of them were very surprised by my reaction. Ussualy they apologized, saying that they ment no harm, and how sorry they are that they upset me. We ended up exchanging smiles, few laughs and that was it.They never allowed themselves from that moment on to treat me in a seemingly disrespectful manner. They dis some thinking before they talked to me. I don't know may be they kept on being jerks to other people but not to me.Some situation can be interpreted by you in a wrong way. Of course if bad language envolved or some physical harm is being done, then there is no mistake that this a hostile environment , but other than that, and I m not saying always, but most of the time it's nothing. Also to remember the fact that people behavior depends on how they feel inside. For example, I met a man few days ago, and my first reaction was, o, my god, I can't stand him. Then, as I ussualy do now, I started thinking why would he be so blunt and opinionated in front of people that he hardly knew, making all kinds of negative comments about what people had to say. Some people on that party were vegeterians, so he made couple of rude jokes about them being super sensitive, he would tell young mothers with kids running around that they can't take care of their children and so on.He even told one young beatifull women that she shouldn't dress provocative like that with her husband in a room, and he also added: if it was my wife...... Well, you get the picture. Then I realized that he was the only person in a room that noone but the hostess knew, he also was at least by 10 years older than all of us. Also he was knew in a country, didn't speak the language well, and felt intimidated by all of us switching to English in front of him, and commented on TV shows that he had no clue about.That was it, I said to myself, he feels so intimidated by the whole situation,plus he probably feels lonely and vulnerable, that's why this behavior.My husband and other men were making plans about fishing that night talking openly in front of him. I looked at him and saw immediately that this guy would die for if he was invited for this fishing trip. I told my husband at the end of the night to invite him. My husband reaction was, no he is such an ass. I convinced him finally, and when he invited this man to come with them, sudden change happened within seconds. His eyes lighted up, he was so grateful, for the rest of the evening he was the perfect person to socialize with. Rude comments stoped, bluntness stoped, he was just a pleasure to be around.Why I'm saying all of this, that what seems to be forwarded toward you in fact a reflection of this person emotions, but not toward you at all. And some people just lack a simple proper bringing up to learn how to deal with it.
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