A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with her for 10 months. They haven't been easy. She has broken up with me on 5 occasions. The last time was about 2 months ago. She said she felt like she needed to be single and try to make it on her own. We got back together as usual a week later. Now she claims she knows what she wants etc. I don't really trust her anymore because she has hurt me so many times. Last night she cried about her father dying 3 years ago, and cried about her mixed up family. I feel she definitely has some emotional problems that she hasn't dealt with. I have been through a lot too in my life, especially at the hands of her mixed feelings about our relationship. I'm not sure I should stick around to try and help her heal all of her emotional wounds. Also, I sometimes wonder if the tears, clinging and neediness is just a form of manipulation. I mean seriously people, who wants to be single and have someone out of their life one day, but wants to buy a house, have kids with you a few weeks later?She is planning on going to a grief counsellor for the death of her father. But, I think she needs help with more than that. She is obsessed with her looks, and her body. Going to the gym everyday, expecting me to join too. I feel like I am being smothered. The amazing thing is she appears so stable and grounded to everyone else. Her friends, co-workers. Full of life and personable, outgoing. Then with me she is emotional, constantly hanging off me, desperate for attention, kissing, hugging all the time. I feel worn out.
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co-worker, got back together, kissing Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2008): It sounds like she is a pain in the arse. You sure you want this headache?
A
male
reader, Uncle_Phil  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 Ask oldersister's got it summed up quite nicely. If I were you I wouldn't consider settling down with this one unless her arse stops pointing downwards when she stands up.
There are other women out there that don't come along with a whole shipload of emotional and other problems. You'd do better to go and look for one of them rather than try to sort this one out. She sounds like a potential Bunny Boiler to me.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (24 April 2008):
 I agree with you about the manipulation. It almost sounds like she knows exactly which cards to pull with you to get a desired outcome. It also seems you are responsible for her happiness every second of the day or you will be punished by her throwing out your entire relationship rather than having the courage to work through problems. How is this woman going to handle real issues that come up in your relationship? It's only been 10mths and she's pulling these power plays! If you got married, she would probably cry DIVORCE every time she feels insecure or needy. You sound like a patient, nice, and responsible guy and you deserve to be happy. She doesn't sound capable of contributing to your life now and in the future in any kind of constructive or positive way. Take care.
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