A
female
age
30-35,
*inPrick
writes:Ello! I am new here, but my question has been in my life for over a decade. See, my mom had this friend, which I will call her Kanine, and she has a son, which I will call Ahola. They have been in my life over a decade and I just can't stand them!When I first met Ahola, he was very nice, but then when I would be there and if someone else (whether it being another friend or a cousin) he will drop me and just hang out with them. Usually when that happen Ahola and the other person would make fun of me and wouldn't let me play with them, because I was a girl. Now that started when I was seven, but it kept on happening till I was twelve. I know I should have just stopped hanging out with him (which I did at school), but since our mom's are "friends" I am/was pretty much forced to hang out with him.Now I say "friends" because Kanine wasn't a really good friend to my mom. She has gone behind her back and done stuff. When my mom and my stepdad would have a fight, she would always side on my stepdad's side, whether if he was in the wrong or not. When she needed our help, we dropped everything to help her, but when we needed her help she was too busy to do anything. She has put down my mom so many times and this might come off a bit selfish, but the main reason why I don't like Kanine happened when I first met them.My mom had to go do stuff and she left me at their house. Well, again, everything was going good until Ahola's cousins came over. His cousin's, which I will call them Keith (the youngest) and Trevor (which was the oldest of the cousins), are okay when they are without Ahola, but when Ahola is in the picture one of them (which ever Ahola chooses) will become a huge jerk! This day wasn't any different. Anyway, Ahola got a new red wagon and I asked if I can play with it, and Ahola said "In a few minutes." I waiting for half an hour, but they said wait a few more minutes, then another half of an hour later I said "Ahola, you better share or I will tell on you guys!". Keith replied "Oh if you tell on us, we will tear off your panties and rape you!" then both Keith and Ahola laughed. What he said really upset me for various reasons, and it made me cry. I ran inside the house crying and I told Kanine what happened. Instead of getting mad at her boy, who she believes is perfect in every way, she gets mad at me. She is calling me names, yelling at me, and finally she made me sit in timeout for crying. The rest of my time there I had to sit there and when Trevor tried to talk to me, Kanine would bark "Hey, don't talk to her!". Finally, my mom picked me up. I told her what happened. A couple of days later, my mom invited them over...Over the past years, both Ahola and Kanine have treated my whole family badly. You may be thinking "Why haven't you severed ties with them if they treated you like crap?", the answer to that is that my mom would keep on taking them back, no matter what they did to my brother, to myself, or to her.In the past couple of year I asked, begged, my mom to never see them again. Usually she would not answer, but if she does, she would say "Oh, we barely talk to them now.". You might be thinking that since there is barely any contact that it would be okay, but it isn't. Every time I see anyone of them, the pain comes crashing back. The pain of just being used and tossed aside, the pain of being less than, because I was a girl, the pain of feeling stupid and the pain of feeling worthless, but the most painful thing, is that my mom would rather have a friend like Kanine in her life, then her family's happiness.Recently Ahola got a girlfriend, and I just feel so sorry for her. Why? Well I just have a feeling that he is going to use her, and then toss her, just like he did me. Except our "friendship/relationship" was about toys and stuff like that, but with theirs it will probably be about sex. In the end she will get screwed.Recently his girlfriend gained a lot of weight and I was telling my mom that I think that she is pregnant. My mom responded with "Or maybe you just hope so..." and to me that just stabbed me in the heart. See I believe that when a young girl gets pregnant while she is in high school that it really cuts off a lot of her opportunities. I mean I have seen some girls being able to get through on the other side victorious, but usually they don't. I just believe that if she is pregnant that her future is gone, especially if the father is Ahola.I told my mom "No... I hope that she isn't because her life would be ruined. Why would you say such a thing?" "Well, it seems to me that you spend a lot of time talking about them.""Well you haven't noticed that when they aren't in our life I don't talk or even think about them at all.""I don't like that tone that you are speaking to me.""I don't like how you don't care about the family and how the family feels!"Whenever I suggest that we don't talk to them anymore, she gets tense and mad at me. She knows all that they have done to me, to my brother, and to her, but she always, always, goes back. Maybe I am overreacting... Maybe I should just get over it...From, what you have read, can you please tell me who is in the wrong, my mom or myself?
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female
reader, PinPrick +, writes (22 July 2010):
PinPrick is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer. ^^
You are right, I should and will just kick them to the curb, but the thing is why I want my mom to stop being Kanine friend is because I am still at home. I am planing to go to New York after this last school year, but since I am still home I have to deal with them and other problems with my family.
When they do come over I tend to go somewhere else, but then my mom would yell me to fix her drink or start on fixing dinner when they are there. So I then have to see them.
In a lot of ways, I am strong, but when it comes to them and my mom, I am a coward. I think that it is because when I would try something to stand up for myself when I was younger my mom or one of them would crash it down. It has been crashed down so many times, I think that I can't protect myself anymore. I have been told many times that I was worthless that I use to believe it. Now I know I am worth something, but I still have some trouble standing up for myself.
Anyway, thank you for your answer.
A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Obviously your mom is the one that is wrong here... But you
already knew that. Kick these people to the curb already. Who cares if your mom wants to remain friends with them? Doesn't mean you have to. I suggest you tell your mom to shove it because she would rather have crappy friends then her family. Next time you see these people I think you should just scream at them and say what crappy people they are... People find that so wrong to do but I don't. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. Look that mom straight in the face and say your son has always been an evil little brat and your just a BI*CH. And look that her son in the eyes that always toured you and if you can give him a good slap across the face... Maybe a good one of those will snap him out of his cocky, rude behavior.
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