A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello I think I need to speak to a sex psychotherapist that I will pay for privately. My question is, how do I find one in London, how do I know if they would be any good ?My background is that for decades I have had much awkwardness about emotional relationships and sex. My solution in the past was to avoid relationships. I recently decided to try to solve the problem.By investigating websites covering flirting and dating techniques I found that my situation and behaviour is consistent with someone who needs this type of help.My self analysis is that I picked up negative perspectives on sex and relationships from my parents and Christian religous teachings resulting in the awkwardness.Any thoughts on where to find a a good sex psychotherapist who can help me overcome my negative perspectives ?
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female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (25 March 2008):
First of all you need to explain your awkwardness a little more clearly ie in detail. You are saying that your parents religious faith and their values have left an impression on you. Ok this is what the issue is here. Every one of us carries with us a set of CORE BELIEFS AND VALUES. These core beliefs and values are formulated from our experiences in childhood and our relationship to significant adults in our life. Then you throw in your own perception of events and you have a set of values and beliefs which carry through to your adulthood. For example in your case if your parents consider sex to be only to make children and anything outside of marriage to be wicked or dirty then these beliefs and values will carry over into your life and you may feel guilt associated with sex. This is not how sex is meant to feel but sometimes religion carries the word too far and shames people. Just look at all the high level priests preaching the word and committing child sex offenses. Really to solve the issues in adulthood you have to discover the issues in childhood and heal them and resolve them and go to a counseller trained in dealing with core beliefs and values. The sex is secondary to the bigger issue of core values and beliefs really. Hope I helped you.
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