A
female
age
41-50,
*.A.A.
writes:HiI just wondered if anybody had been in the same boat and could give a little advice.I've been with my partner 4 years and have a child with him.The problem is whenever we argue he gives me the silent treatment for days, sometimes even a week! It's getting to the stage where I'm becoming so unhappy.I prefer to have an argument and sort it out. If I try to explain to him how I feel he gets defensive and it turns into another argument!If I disagree with him or get annoyed with him, he'll call me nasty. He will even get as petty not to eat any of the dinners I cook while he is not talking to me. I try and carry on as normal as possible but I just hate the atmosphere.He was quite a mummy's boy when I met him and if I'm not in or if I've been away, he'll take all his washing and ironing for her to do and she'll cook for him everyday. I get on with her very well but she babies him so much, I don't know if this has anything to do with him never thinking anything is his fault.I'm at the end of my teather, please help!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2016): Seems like you have some major communication issues. If you want to save your relationship, I strongly suggest you get help. See a couple therapist!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 January 2016):
 He is taking a tantrum like a toddler. Be honest with him, tell him you will not tolerate this behavior, that it is not fair your your child to have to be in an atmosphere where you and him are not talking to each other. He needs to grow up and learn to be part of a family and not spit his dummy every time you have an argument.
If he refuses to talk to you then you can show him the door, let his mother look after him and tell him not to come back until he is ready to talk to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): I have lived with a couple of sulkers,(never ever again) it was terrible and amounted to silent abuse...day's at a time, and the biggest laugh of all was they never actually told me what i had done to upset them and it was usually sweet F all. I find people who have mood swings like this horrendous to live with and very damaging. They are the abusers that do it quietly and psychologically and until they break you can quite happily carry on making you miserable. I got to the stage where i would say' here we go, three days of purgatory the silent treatment and fowl atmospheres and angry energy. I used to try and lighten the mood and understand, I tried to put things right and say sorry if needed and it never worked, because the people WANTED to have this power and control. Close the door and go out amongst happy people, do your own things and return and see if they are ready to get out of their pathetic mood, if not do it again, and do the same again...they can only affect you if you stay like a sitting duck. There is a difference between hurt feelings and normal sulky behaviour that may last a few hours to silent abuse that goes on for day's.A lot of people put up with this shit and feed it by pandering ...moody people waste their lives and precious time that could be spent living and loving and laughing.People only sulk with an audience!!!!biggest thing i learnt from my experience.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): You are in some sort of codependant relationship. He is using the silent treatment and other things as means of control. So next time you're sure to think if you're going to do something he may not like. Right?WRONG.Stop losing yourself in his wishes, rules... in the end you won't know who you are and what you want. If you feel that this may have happened already, know that it can be reversed. I am speaking from a 15 year long experience (ni kid though). It took me forever to change things in my relationship. Fortunately my husband was willing to work and ask for help.I got to a point where I had to take baby steps. Really think about small things like if I want to go running or eat a cake. And more importantly I got to a point where I wanted things to change or to break up.It can get better but only if ypou both work on it. You must knwo what you want and what you are willing to put up with.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 January 2016):
 I would be ECSTATIC if my husband took his clothes to his mom's for washing and ironing! So that part... maybe he think he is somehow punishing you, but in reality... it's his mom he is punishing (though she seems to like being "special" enough to do his chores).
As for the not wanting to eat your food, again, let him. If him throwing a tantrum like a frigging 5 year old - LET him. Just cook for you and the kiddo. Who cares? Seriously! It's much easier not CATERING to his tantrums.
How do you react when he does the silent treatment? I would try another approach than you usually do. Are you ALWAYS the one to apologize? Always the one who tries to make things right?
HE is using it as a tool of manipulation and if you two have been together for 4 years and he has done it ALL these 4 years, it OBVIOUSLY work for him.
IF course it's NEVER his fault! Just ask him! Again someone who can't accept culpability is not a very responsible person.
It's a type of emotional abuse in a way. A passive aggressive way of dealing with conflict. And THAT rarely leads to a result that works.
I suggest you read this article and see if some of the tips can work for you.
http://hubpages.com/relationships/How-to-cope-with-Silent-Treatment-Abuse
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