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When will all this hurt, angst and anger ease off or go away?

Tagged as: Breaking up, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 August 2015) 3 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I was treated badly by my ex and his new girlfriend.

I thought I was over him as he wasn't the most loyal guy and was kind of seeing this other girl casually just before we split up - so we decided to go our separate ways and I have no wish to get back with him.

However - every now and then a friend mentions something about the 'happy couple' doing this or that - or you see a photo of them together etc which triggers off more hurt and pain. The girl in question always seems to come up smelling of roses!!

So I just want to know:- when does all this hurt and anger ease off?

I do have a social life of my own - so am not always wondering what my ex is up to - but I never got chance to say my piece or talk things through with him before he moved on.

I have an irrational hatred of his new girl also - even though we had split before he got with her officially.

Help - I need to get closure from all this

before I start feeling any worse.

When will this hurt and angst go away?

View related questions: my ex, split up

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2015):

if you embark on a new relationship with someone else the pain dissipates faster because you start looking forwards rather than backwards, so it is a good idea to consider meeting new people.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2015):

some people might refer to them as "the happy couple rather sarcastically.

You could reply: "oh the B and B..." short for the bitch and d bastard ,but i should think most people secretly think that anyway, especially if youve done all the groundwork and he's sidestepped you by getting a ring on her finger.

They will not be as popular as you think..all your friends in couples will be secretly horrified but they are putting a sarcastically positive stance because they dont want you to be further upset.Or you could just call them the cheat and the liar.

These situations do crop up in life and tberes many a soul who could tell a similar tale.Whilst these two are busy going overboard trying to prove that they are a God-blessed couple, the truth is that everyone knows its far too soon for them to be "a happy couple". It is an exercise in damage limitation I believe.

Sometimes seeing things from another persons point of view helps,so you could start to think to yourself "That poor painted fool thinks my ex loves her but he is only using her to make himself look good!" Or about him.." You take the biscuit with your sudden conversion to her..this shows your words to me had no meaning whatsoever."

Have you any friends you can get together with for a one on one bitching session ,thereby spreading all you think by covert third party rumour. I feel you should avoid them because they are devious and would twist tbe truth if you didnt have athird party listening but you know what, it is your life and if you feel you are just eating mat then have a good go at her verbally by all means.

This will of course send ripples of excitement through your group and questions will be asked and opinions formed.So if you are up for all this and are sick of being a saint then i suggest you let rip into verbals and have it so well thought out that people can do nothing but nod in agreement.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 August 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think it will. (go away)

But you HAVE to accept that hating EITHER of them will get you nowhere, other than being bitter.

He sounds like a crappy BF - I mean he was seeing her on the sly, what kind of sleazy dude does that?

As for her? Well, do you think she really got a prize here? A guy who couldn't stay faithful to you, do you really think she can trust him? That he won't find a "side dish" while dating her too? (at some point). And him? What did he get? A girl who was willing to be a side-dish - who's moral compass is (at best) a bit rusty.

I would just tell friends who know them too to not bring them up around you, because you are SO done with them both.

If they forget or still do it, shrug your shoulder or roll your eyes (whichever works best for you) and let it go.

The is no MAGICAL closure from this. The only closure YOU need is from yourself. By letting THEM go, by accepting that it's over and stop beating yourself up for having dated a guy who was a piece of crap. And by ACCEPTING that you CAN do better for yourself than an asshat like him.

Some people journal, they write it all out in great detail. And then they "burn" (or shred) the papers as a "cleansing" like ritual.

Block both their FB pages, don't look them up online. MINIMIZE the looking at pictures of them ect. Facebook is NOT reality.

Don't WASTE any more time on that dude or the twat is he with now. Time for you to LIVE your life and freaking ENJOY it!

My mom always said that people who spend time looking over their shoulder ( regretting things) spend more time with that than living in the now, and looking to the future. And I agree. Imagine walking down the street looking over your shoulder to see what's behind you... you are going to bump into all kind of things and not see the good stuff up ahead.

Chin up.

And by the by... it's OK to feel some anger and malice - but the sooner you can LET that go, the better for you. You don't want to end up one of those "bitter" people out there, not over those two! They aren't worth it!

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