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female
,
anonymous
writes: I am 27 years old and newly single. A week ago I found out my ex is having a baby with a supposed 'one night stand'. She is keeping the baby, with no respect to him. A year ago I was pregnant with his baby and aborted cause neither of us were ready. I was miserable with him, horriably. Now I am devestated at this news. We have only been broken up for 2 months (miserable for 8) its too soon, he doesn't want it, but he is willing to try with her even tho she trapped him. He didn't try with me, and has even been keeping this news from me (I found out thru his boss)even tho we have been hanging out. How can I get over this, because I am not sleeping, eating, and its starting to affect my job. I am so hurt, and so alone...
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female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (18 January 2006):
 My dear, he doesn't have complete freedom. The girl is pregnant with his child! He's going to have to contribute to the child's life (at least financially, or so I'd hope!), which means that he'll never be entirely free of his "one-night stand," either. It might look like it's all peachy for him right now, but this experience will come back to haunt him sooner or later. Trust me. Everything will catch up to him in time.
You need to forget about this guy and get on with your life! You're allowing him to continue making you miserable even now that you're broken up. You don't need him, or his memory, in your life. Take a deep breath, be strong and confident, and go out there and find yourself a man who makes you happy (and doesn't evade responsibility).
Best wishes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Thanks Guys, your answers are helping me along.... I just found out, the relationship with them is not working and she is packing up and movie 9 hrs away - without him. He still won't talk to me... for reasons unknown, I am not sure why I keep trying to talk to him, I don't know what answers I am looking for. I need to get over this, I can't stop crying. SO he gets what he wants.... she moves away, he has freedom, and I am left alone - STILL !!!
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (17 January 2006):
 Dearie, I just have to add something else to what the other aunts mentioned cos ur story really moved me.
i understand how hurt you must feel. But i must add that u shouldnt feel bad about any decision u made in the past. You just have to grow and learn from them jus in case u are faced with the same decision again. Having an abortion must have really unsettled you but it is what both
of u feel u wanted at the time.Embrace the decision u took,
dont look back on it, u cant change things and who is to say u need to.
If he decides to keep a baby with his one night stand that's his problem. He should take responsbility for his actions and i bet he doesnt know how to bring up the issue with you.
Please dont allow all this upset you, i would sugget u move on with you life and forget about this guy. You said you two have broken up now i think it is for the best.I really wouldnt have him for a close friend also i will try and maintain my distance.If not he is just going to remind you of your past and the decision you took since he is keeping his child with this woman.
Seek help from friends and family members. Having an abortion isnt easy and u need people to be there for you. Try and go out with friends to parties, clubs, anything to distract you and take your mind off things.
All the best dear.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (17 January 2006):
I agree with everyoone elses here.
The mian thing I would like to point out is I can see how your upset, very much, I would be hurt too, very much, you have every right, but there is a time when you have to stop and think, 'am I going to let this ruin my life'-its effecting you in so many wsays, your sleep, eating habits and work! Thats not good. You have to change your way of thinking.
I know it feels very bad, like he can haev a baby wit ha one night stand bu not with his gf!
My guess is, like you said you both chose the abortion, it was easier for him to express his feelings of not being ready to be a dad. Alot of people after aborting a child, feel exstremly guilty and perhaps ashamed (yet if you dont thats ok too!), so I think maybe thats how he felt and he didnt want to do it again. Either way, I think since you both have contact, talk to him about how you feel! Have you even said to him 'why are you having her baby but didnt want to haev mine?' I think its vital you bbring that up wiht him as you want some answers.
But in the end, remember that, you were miserable in this relationship before, so its for the best. Don't worry then the timing is right you will find soomene else and one day both of you could be very ready to have a baby.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (17 January 2006):
 I agree with purrfectionist about this. The guy has to own up about his responsibility. I'm sorry that it happened to you. I'm sure your smart enough to understand what the consiquences would have been. In addition, you stated that you were miserable with him. So, you broke it off; and now your semi-friends. He had to face that path and walk the mile. I do agree that she trapt him though. I hope you continue to be a good friend to him and tell him how you feel in the persuit that your friendship will only grow with the knowledge.
Good luck and take care
Ed
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A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (17 January 2006):
Well, you have to look at things from his point of view. His "one-night stand" is putting a lot of pressure on him to keep the baby, whereas you were okay with the idea of an abortion and went along with it because you weren't ready for a child.
It is possible that he felt a lot of guilt over the abortion of your pregnancy, and although he certainly did not want a child with his one-night stand, part of him felt obligated to keep the baby this time around, rather than face a second abortion. If so, then GOOD! The guy can't just keep going around knocking women up and not accepting the consequences of his actions! He needs to take responsibility for his actions, and this experience will hopefully teach him exactly that.
He is probably ashamed, which is why he did not mention this to you himself.
You were miserable with him, and you know that you would have been even more miserable if you had had a child with him. What's done is done. Put the past behind you, and don't let this new development get to you. Like I said, it's time the guy learns some responsibility.
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