I feel alive.

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Question - (12 March 2006)

7 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2006)

A male , anonymous writes:

I feel alive. I know I'm alive. I can feel the last of the winter wind pushing my trousers against my thighs, I can feel my throat swelling up as I try to hold back the latest round of tears.

I'm walking, head to the ground, not wanting anyone to look at my eyes, for fear that they'll see the pain. I want to kneel down, let the elements hit me, and let the world go by me, not see anyone, not think anything, not feel anything.

I want to go back to the top of the Duomo in Florence, I want to feel the bitter cold I felt when we walked hand in hand through miles upon miles of the most beautiful streets you've ever seen. I want to feel the warmth I felt as I held her hand, as she grabbed it at the top of the Duomo and we gazed across Florence together.

I want to go back and make things right for us, I wish I could rub a magic lamp and be granted another chance.

My heart actually hurts. This is why they call it heartache, because your heart aches.

But though nothing can feel worse than this, at the same time it's strangely comforting. I know I'm alive. I know I'm capable of loving so deeply and truly that I'm a real person. I'm not dreaming, I'm not living out someone else's dream, I'm not a machine, I'm not dead inside. I'm alive and I will stay alive because life doesn't stop for a broken heart. I will go on, and though every day will feel like a struggle to stay alive, like a mission to breathe and to talk and to eat, I will do it because that's what humans do. We go on, relentlessly marching through the days that we think we will never get through, sleeping at the end of the night, and waking up again in the morning.

We wake up and it is a brand new day, and the sun is shining. Even if the clouds hide the sun from us, it never stops shining. If it rains and the wind blows, feel it. Let yourself get soaked to the skin and know you're alive. Know that the rain will stop one day, and you will dry your skin, and you will not drown.

One day, when the sun is setting over a glorious summers day, you will walk hand in hand with a beautiful bride. Your friends, your family and people who have not left you will cheer at the top of their voices as the train on your brides wedding dress runs across the dry grass, and your suit glows, and you take your first strides into the future.

You will never forget Florence, because it was part of your journey here, but you will instead be thinking about Rome, and your honeymoon.

Because you didn't stop, because you are alive, and that is the greatest gift of all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006):

Lynn ask yourself are you doing EVERYTHING to make your man notice you. It's the whole package he needs. The mother with his children, the cook in the kitchen, the keeper of the house and let's be honest a whore in the bedroom (sorry to be so blunt) but do this and he WILL notice you. I am not being rude I am trying to help. Start with the bedroom role: use your imagination - starting with simply looking nice in your best dress and make up, possibly suspenders with a nice meal and a bottle of wine waiting. Devote your night to him and his needs without question and he definately will notice you! Make it a weekly thing and don't let up. Blokes don't get bored when you fill their imagination! If that does not work......