A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just feel total resentment for my boyfriend of 6 years. We don't live together, he is 20 years older than me (43), we have sex maybe once a month. I broke it off last year and he met someone else (just a fling, we got back together and he crept back into his old ways. Every time we do something (hardly ever) together whether it's a trip or meal it's always me who does the organisaing and suggestions. He never wants to take me out, never calls me, I always call him. He is always out drinking with his mates and never includes me, I don't really know his mates from the pub and when I ask questions about them he thinks I'm paranoid ect, the final straw was the other day when I called him he says 'you don't have to call me everyday you know'?? I have expressed this to him in a calm way and I get no answer, when I get angry he calls me mad and when I get upset he had little compassion! I just feel he doesn't view me as a girlfriend! Am I right in thinking this? I do love him and the last time a broke it off is was so hard, I just don't know if I could do that again! I just dont know what to do?
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 you dont know if you could go through a break up again, but you are prepared to be with a man who is selfish, cruel, disrespectful and obviously doesnt consider your feelings. why are you staying with him? do you seek pleasure in pain? no offence or anything but you know you are being stupid staying with him and you know you should get out. you started this question with 'i feel total resentment for my boyfriend' - what does that tell you? he is not making room in his life for you - so why try and squeeze yourself in? move on hun, he sounds like a horrible childish 43 year old living in his teens - who wants that - so not attractive. you are still so young and shouldnt have to carry the burden of him, let go and move on. you know you should so stop putting it off, the longer you do the harder it will be. good luck hun, email me if you want. xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM???? I cannot see any redeeming features here at all. Pack him off and get someone who you so rightly deserve, remember, you only live once so why are you making such a crap go of this one.
take care
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): At 20 years older than you this man is stuck and settled in his ways and sadly won't change his ways now. And anyway what is a young girl like you doing with a guy like him in the first place? No doubt there are plenty of guys closer to your own age who will love, respect and treat you how you should be treated. 6 years is a long time to be someone that much older than you at such a young age....
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 You cannot change anyone . You can only change yourself. He is what he is and if you find that he is not up to the mark, you do not have to carry this baggage.
Why hang the stone on your neck? Let go and be light and fly where you want.
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A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (27 February 2008):
I know it will be hard to let go of this man, but I really think that you should. He takes you for granted and doesn't seem to care about your feelings in the slightest.
I would say to talk to him about how he's making you feel, or to give him an ultimatum, but in this case I really don't think that would achieve anything positive. He didn't change after you broke up with him last time, and I doubt if you'd see a long term change if you were to break up with him and get back together again.
My advice is to leave him and find someone who will want to be with you as much as you do with him, not treat you like a spare that he can pick up when he feels like it. You really won't regret it once you meet someone new and find out what a loving fun relationship is.
Take care
xx
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