A
female
age
36-40,
*usieN
writes:I eloped with my husband a year ago. We were really intimate and spent a lot of time together. But for the last six months he's been having one thing after another, a lawsuit, probation, his sister's lawsuit, his friends multiple bf problems. He spend more time talking to his friend's short-term bf, trying to solve their problem than spending time with me. In respect, that he's stressed out I gave him some room. I've been waiting for him for six months, to have time with me. We have sex during that time, but he rarely cuddles or hugs, even during or after sex. I feel terrible, why can't he understand that? What can I do to communicate that I need him? Just when I was gonna file for divorce, he would bring coffee or snacks. But no hugs. He just drops a cup of coffee, like I'm a pet, and then leaves. This last month have been unbearable. He keeps saying I'm acting weird. However, he's the one that's giving me the cold shoulder. When I tell him I need him and specifically need some cuddling (I even tell him just for 5 minutes). He accusingly ask me, "Don't you have something else better to do?"Can someone translate for me? Cause I don't get it? I'm about ready to file for divorce, that or go insane.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): Dear sister
your marriage is not very old. It is only a year old. So i feel it takes some time for husband and wife to adjust to each other. I see it as sign of initial life style and though process adjustments issues.
As far as he has been having many other issues to deal. I do not think any one does not have it. So all that is normal and in married life, these phases come and Go and keep coming and going. So i feel you have been over worried on his talks and reactions to your actions and you reactions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Yup complete bullshit, there's nothing better than having a nice long cuddle with the woman you love after a long stressful day. It's one of the joys of being in a relationship. It's the something to look forward to when you get home, why do you think you miss it so much? You're not weird or strange for feeling this way, he's an ass for not trying harder to satisfy your need for intimacy.
And I challenge anyone to find a better stress reliever than sex.
Perhaps he doesn't realize how serious this is, it's time you laid it all out, that you shouldn't feel this lonely all the time because he can't deal with his stress, enough is enough. He has to get his priorities straight and if your emotional well being is not one of them the bye bye.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 July 2010):
Rubbish. Even if you were stressed, that doesn't mean a guy don't hug you, or kiss you. And it certainly doesn't mean he'll say "Don't you have anything better to do". Sorry, but he is that cold.
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A
female
reader, SusieN +, writes (16 July 2010):
SusieN is verified as being by the original poster of the question@TimmD Not long, or well enough. I should have gotten to know him better. But I was so besotted, I wanted to do everything for him, and it seemed so exciting eloping. For the first six months we spend a lot of intimate time together. Then things came up, and I keep waiting for him to un-stress and became concerned then stressed out myself, not only that I kept it secret from my friends so I don't have the support I needed. I think I'm going a little crazy cause I'm keeping it all inside.
Can you guys get so wrapped up into working that a little affection will get you off track? I want to know for sure.
It's confusing, just now he'd make me coffee and some soup, but wouldn't cuddle. If he'd just ignored me entirely I would go for divorce immediately. And it's stressing me out, like mental torture. He taught me how to say "I love you," but now he doesn't say it himself (unless I ask him and even then it's like a game or something). He'd say he's stress out and thinking (or clearing his head, and be watching two tv screens and throwing away his junk mail. He says when he's stressed or angry he doesn't like to cuddle or hug.
Can anyone confirm or deny this? Is this really true if you are permanently stressed out about rent or work, do you really not want to cuddle, even for five minutes?
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Normally I would say fight for your marriage, but if your husband thinks you should fine something better to do than love him and be his wife, then....ok
Later.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you should have gotten married in the first place. How long did you know him prior to getting married?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2010):
I think you know being with this man was a mistake. There's no love here at all. It's just him getting he wants while you get nothing in return at all. This man is so cold that when you even ask outright for affection, you get no response other than 'don't you have anything better to do'.
It really does sound like you married the lemon of the pack to be honest. He's clearly had problems with the law, as have other members of his family. I don't really see how this can get better. You already spoke to him, and nothing changed. At all. In fact, he's basically made it clear nothing will change. I think the time has called for you to file for that divorce. You can't live your life like this.
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