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When do my needs start to count?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 December 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 December 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I need help and I need help quick. My boyfriend is divorcing his ex'. The court hearing is in January. They get along. She has someone in her life. Me and her do not get along. Me and my boyfriend fought all this week because my daughter took a adhd fit and he was in a bad mood. We also fought because it has been forever since we had a date night and went out and had fun.

We made up on Wednesday and decided that we will work together with my daughter. I was looking forward to Saturday night alone so we could bury the fight we had. Yesterday his soon-to-be ex' invites her to her 40th birthday party which is also a benefit for cancer because she had ovarian cancer and it is also her uncle's birthday.

So in reality I feel that because we fought my needs should come first, and part of our fight was that I felt neglected. Should I be mad? I told him that it would hurt me if he went. I feel like her needs are going first. Btw.. they have no kids so that is not a factor. Please help :(

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (13 December 2015):

Denizen agony auntYou and she are starting to sound like two dogs fighting over a bone. He will decide on his priorities. If you don't like his choices then you have decisions to make.

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A female reader, Tottochan India +, writes (13 December 2015):

The fact that that is her birthday which is also a cancer benefit makes it tough for him to decline that invitation in order to go out with you.

I know that it hurts the ego (it would have hurt mine) but they were married - she had cancer. I think that that is a bigger life "situation" than a date night.

Which is not to say that the date night isn't important. Of course it is. It's important to have some good time spent together in a relationship. But you could always haveit on another day.

Try not to be resentful of his ex. They were married. But now they're not. So they clearly are not right for each other. And he is with you now. There is no reason to be insecure. You are not competing with her for his affections.

You don't have to be best friends with her. But you can try and be civil. Who knows, if you both get your egos out of the way, maybe you both could have a good friendship?

Anyway, what I have to say is - let it go. Go out with him on another day. And have a blast too :)

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