A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My man of 9 years left me for this woman he met.He has never done any kind of drugs and is totally against them.He met her the day after she was released from a Federal Pen after doing six years for selling crack coaine and pot to a bus driver that then sold to school children.FBI Record for trafficing drugs in 3 States.There was a plea bargain.Plus she has five more years of parole to do.She also has a vast history of domestic violence.He took her in and gave her a home, pays her way and takes care of the child she had while serving her time.She was at the right place at the right time and fell right into a perfect situation.The day after she got out she made herself a MySpace Page calling herself Spazz Speed Demon. She is 22 years younger then him.He is 65.My question here is.What do you think is going to happen here? Any idea? We are no longer together and will never be, but I do worry.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): I too agree with DearKelja. We can't tell you what is going to happen here. I could be off here but I can take a guess at this. There is a type of man out there who are "fixers" by nature. They feel they can find solutions to the baggage-riddled woman's problems. He's found a troubled woman, who 'needs' him. He could the type of man who wants to 'protect' her and save her from herself. She's a challenge and he finds that exciting. There are lots of people out there, like this. Men and women alike. They tend to repel the more independant partners for one who have a ton of baggage, who are very complicated and in 'need'. As for your bf, this could be a new adventure to him. As a result, such relationships usually do not last. Depending on how your bf needs to be the 'hero' here, he may become very stressed by the intensity and chaos of being in this lady's life. Being responsible for continually validating another individual, and getting their life on track... can be exhausting, draining work. This need could also manifest itself on the opposite end of the spectrum, at her end. Once her need is validated, and he gives her what she needs, she may become bored with him and flit from this "relationship" to the next. Some women like this convince themselves that their value is based on the quantity of lovers they conquer more than the quality of love shared between two people. Humans all need to be validated. But, some women are so emotionally barren and heart hungry that they have to have it in large quantities and from a large number of people.So I would guess, he may be having this affair because he got complacent and wanted the excitement of the "adventure" thrills. And...let's not forget...a lot of men/women simply have affairs for the sex. So what do you do? Firstly, stop worrying about his choices here and don't bother to try to make sense out of this nonsense. Thinking about and trying to rationalize your cheating partner's behavior or worrying/sympathizing with him is really, really pointless. If you and him had relationship issues, like millions of other couple's out there...he should've known it was never alright, to go outside of the relationship. He should've been willing to stand by you and resolve the problems within a relationship. So I hope you are not blaming yourself over this because his affair is not your fault. That was his choice, to do so. Next, do not focus on this other woman's age and her less than admirable lifestyle, and whether or not their relationship has a chance, (issues you have no control over), let us focus on what "you" have control over. Your life, your emotions and the ability you have, to move on from this. You can do it, but you need to disconnect...that is the only way. Healing and recovering is the key.. Then go out there and make your life, the happiest and most fulfilling you can. It will take courage and great will...I know you can do it. Take care of you, now.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 I fully agree with Dearkelja. Nice post.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 August 2008):
She obviously just bewtiched him and he fell for it hook line and sinker.
I have no idea what's going through his crazy man brain.
But it's safe to assume that he's an idiot for dropping you in favour of someone who is highly likely to just use him and dump him.
Pity him, but be grateful you found out he was that gullible early on and not when he had a joint bank account with you and access to a pyramid scheme.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (3 August 2008):
 No one can answer what is going on but the two of them. She needed him and he was there for her. Given her myspace page, doubt she will change her ways. He is most likely in for some thrills and excitement in this relationship but somehow, I think he could see it coming. Maybe he just wanted to "give back" or feel needed. Not sure what your relationship was like but seems it just wasn't enough for him.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I am sure you are feeling rejection. Happens to us all at some point in our lives if we put ourselves out there. Best for you to let him go. You can't worry about his fate, only yours. He is a big boy and quite able to look out for himself.
All the best for you to find someone new.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): Hi
I think what ever happens you should just stay well clear and let them get on with it.
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