A
female
age
30-35,
*alletchick76
writes:I don't think I was ever told the difference between dating, exclusive dating, and being in a relationship with someone. I think I have an idea, but I would like some more opinions, so guys and gals answer away! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): i agree with iamheretohelpyou, It's when you start having a commitment or real expectations of each other
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 October 2013):
 FA: I have a full library of any/all "books" that may - or may NOT - have all the advice that men may need in their dealings with women....
Since those "books" are elusive - even vaporous - you.... and any other of the guys on DC who need advice.... may contact me for any/every concern that you may have, regarding women and dealing with them....
The best part is.... IF I have the appropriate advice in a "book" which I claim to have.... I will dispense it to you..... IF I DON'T have the necessary advice, I will gladly MAKE IT UP for you!!!! (No charge... I'm a generous guy!)....
OK?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (4 October 2013):
 Sage,
When I read your answer to this I realized how much help that book would be to me. I immediately went to Amazon (tm) and ran a search. I didn't find it but the results were enlightening. It may be that the ultimate truth is found in search results. Here are the top 5 book results:
Sun Stand Still: What Happens When You Dare to Ask God for the Impossible by Furtick, Steven
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation by Tannen, Deborah
Manslations: Decoding the Secret Language of Men by Mac, Jeff
The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along? by Chapman, Annie
Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them by Prioleau, Betsy
So the answer,
It's impossible to know
You would need a guide book to figure it out (x2)
You wouldn't want to understand it if you did
Understanding it will make you irresistible to women
I do hope no one is offended by humor today.
FA
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 October 2013):
I checked this out in my "Guys' book of what words mean"... and found this:
"Dating" is when the guy picks up the check; "in a relationship" is when you "go Dutch"....
Hope this clarifies this matter for you...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): Dating means you're hanging out and spending time together.It is a casual connection between people; and you are still considered single. It is your personal choice not to see other people, but you aren't held to it. There is no commitment to bind you to be faithful. You're in a trial period before a relationship.If there are long pauses between visits; then it starts up again, and all you get are messages in-between. You're still dating. If he/she is still having sex with other people; and you're still dating them. You're being a fool; unless you're still dating, and seeing other people also. You are not obliged to wait for them to stop.If you say you "love" them, and they say they "love" you; but still see other people. You're a "friend with benefits." You are only on hold for dating during a dry spell, or just available for booty calls. That means the word "love" was used out of context. Not that you are in a committed relationship. Friends love each other too. They still get to date and have sex with other people.If he can't seem to make up his mind, if he want's to be your boyfriend. Yet he won't actually say the words that he is, or won't ask you to be his girlfriend; but you still go out with him. You're still dating. There is no room for presumption or guessing. It's still casual.You're still dating, if you only see him now and then; and when you do, it's only for sex. If he spends more time with his friends, but can't find enough time to take you out and come to see you. You're only dating.You're dating when he still sends his ex text messages, and claims "they're just friends." You can get mad about it; but you're only dating. Not his girlfriend.If he spends weekends with his friends instead of you, he hasn't made his final decision that you are his girlfriend. If you have a disagreement, and he gets mad. A week goes by or maybe two, yet you haven't heard a word from him. You're only dating. You should stop dating; because he's a jerk.If he cancels a date with you without an explanation, you're "dating" a jerk. If he has a lame excuse, he still a jerk.If you aren't invited out when he goes out to party, you're not his girlfriend; you're a girl he's dating. He plans to meet other girls at the party. He's still single, and so are you. If he gets mad if you do the same, remind him.If he never says he loves you, but he spends a lot of his time with you. He's still deciding if you are the one.If you don't hear the words " I love you, I want you to be my boy/girlfriend." You're only dating.If he asks you to be his girlfriend, and you accept. You are in a relationship. Therefore, you are committed and will not see other people. Unless you both agree to an open relationship. Consider the relationship exclusive; unless you agree to something weirder.If you "think" your are in a committed relationship, because you date a lot; you're lying to yourself until he says he is committed to you. He has a loophole, and he will use it.If he doesn't post his status on Facebook as single, and you're the only girl he's seeing; you're not in a relationship, until you "both" agree that you are. If he takes you to see his mother, and introduces you as his girlfriend, you're in a relationship. Unless you look at him surprised, and tell his mom he's crazy.If you hear the words "I love you, and want you to be my girlfriend." If you say yes, and you love him too.You are no longer dating. You are in a relationship. A relationship is like a contract. Both parties must agree to its terms, and there must be proof of mutual commitment.If one party asks, and the other party agrees, this is now a binding agreement. You may now officially and publicly refer to each other as girlfriend and boyfriend; or boyfriends, or girlfriends. You may also publicize your "relationship" in writing. Even on social media.If he stops seeing other girls. He calls you regularly. He apologizes when he hurts you. He does nice things for you.He says he loves you back, when you say you love him. He compromises when you disagree. He stands up for you. He doesn't forget to let you know when he's going to be late or can't make a date. You're in a "good relationship."If you're gay, just switch the pronouns for all of the above. I don't presume everyone is heterosexual.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (4 October 2013):
Malletchick,
I can easily see how you could get confused. I fear that I am too old to give you an answer that will fit the social reality you live in. Today's young people think that going on a date makes you an "isntacouple". Exclusivity is assumed of anyone who goes on an official date. So dating, exclusive dating and being in a relationship can all be the same thing.
For a historical perspective, I offer the following: Relationship defines the connections between any two people. For example I have a relationship with the owner of the business that competes directly with mine. We refer customers to each other and buy materials from each other. We may even subcontract work to each other. But we don't Date, though we have had lunch together. In terms of romance A relationship is two people who have romantic feelings for each other. The relationship may need some work in which case some one will want to have a talk about the relationship.
Date is the number on the calendar. In terms of romance a Date is a prearranged meeting between two people. Dating would imply that 2 or more dates have occurred and another is in the planning.
Exclusive dating, steady dating, or going steady, meant that two people had an agreement not to date anyone else. A promise or commitment was made and often indicated by the exchange of class rings, or promise rings.
Although steady dating seems like a logical precursor to Engagement, frequently it did not work out that way.
I will be interested to see some younger answerers.
FA
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 October 2013):
 These things are defined by two things -- intent and time.
Dating is the initial "getting to know you" phase of two people interested in a possible relationship. Someone may date more than one person at the same time, and some may not. Typically, there may be minor physical stuff (kissing, cuddling), but not usually sex or heavy sexual stuff.
Exclusive means you're in a relationship. That could be determined in a month or two that both people decide that they've found someone they're into and have exclusive feelings and intentions toward. It's either spoken about, as in not seeing other people, calling each other "girlfriend/boyfriend", or there may not be a formal declaration, but becoming sexual implies exclusivity unless there's a very clear arrangement for Friends With Benefits, one night stands, or no strings attached casual hooking up.
Being "in a relationship" with someone is the same as becoming exclusive, but you may be talking about the "getting serious" part, meaning there might be a declaration of love, parents may have been introduced to your significant other, people clearly see both of you as "an item". It's serious and could lead to living together, or engagement, or marriage.
Hope that helps. FWB is *not* a relationship. Simple living together is *not* the same as commitment.
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