A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Firstly, I’d like to apologise, because this is probably gonna be a bit long-winded and possibly meandering so thank you in advance to anyone who sticks through it!So it’s been roughly a year since I finished college. I never had much of a social group - either while in college or before then - but in my final year I developed a small circle of friends, maybe five, six people wide. We were all members of the same campus club, and it was the first time I had had a group of friends since I was pretty young. One member of the group was a girl who like me, was in the final year of her degree. At first there was nothing much more than that in it, until one weekend the club went on a group trip to an event on the other side of the country to our college. Four of my group of friends, myself, this girl and two others went along, and as that weekend went on, I found that myself and this girl - let’s call her “S” - were spending almost all our time together, while the others went off and did other stuff, though we’d meet up with them for meals. Whatever way things went, at some point that weekend, whatever way my eyes and S’ met, something set off alarm bells in me and I suddenly realised that what I might be feeling was love. So I decided that once the weekend was over and we were back at school, I’d let it sit for a couple days, I lived at home with my parents still and between that and my thesis work taking up the majority of my time, was social life was relegated to two nights a week, Tuesday and Thursday, so those were the days I’d see her and the others. Tuesday night came and as soon as I saw her, that feeling came back - and then I knew I was in trouble.At the time I was on anti-depressants (and had been for a couple of years), so I wasn’t in teh greatest mindset to begin with. Now I became somewhat of a wreck - I wanted so desperately to make my feelings known to this girl, but at the same time I was terrified, partly because I’d never had a girlfriend, and partly because I was afraid of being abandoned, not just by her but by everyone else. For whatever reason, I was totally convinced that she would hate me, and that would lead to everyone else hating me, and I’d be back to where I started, totally alone and miserable. So every time we’d hang out, I’d go into it trying to psyche myself up - today was always gonna be the day I bit the bullet and told her how I felt, this time I wouldn’t choke - but every time I failed. I’d try to keep it for after meetings broke up, we’d always wind up walking the same way out by ourselves, her apartment and where I would park my car were in the same direction, but I’d still fail. I managed to ask her to hang out a couple times on Fridays when we would both finish at the same time in the same building but never could I get to the point of telling her how I felt. Even when she would drop hints - like telling me about how there was a formal on and how I should really go but she wasn’t sure she was gonna go, or telling me that I reminded her of an actor she had a crush on, obvious signs that she was at least sort of interested - I would convince myself that no, I’m reading too much into it, she doesn’t mean anything by it.So we finished college. She went home, as she lived a few hours away from the city we went to college in. We still kept in touch a little over Facebook, but over time it became a month since we talked, two months, six, nine, you get the idea. Last week when I opened my Facebook, there she was, announcing that she’d just gotten a job back here. In the year since we last saw each other face to face, I feel I’ve grown and matured a lot as a person. My job is one that requires me to speak to and interact with people constantly, I’m happier, off medication and more fulfilled than I have been in as long as I can remember. Basically, I’ve turned my life around for the most part. But even through that recovery, she was the one regret that I always had. I couldn’t get it out of my head that I never told her how I felt, I was afraid of rejection, afraid of being hurt. But I’m not anymore. I want to get back in touch, but there’s no way that seems natural to me to do so. I hate the idea of asking someone out over Facebook. I want to see her and make my feelings known, even if she rejects me, which she well might. I don’t know how to take that step. I don’t know how to say “hey, we haven’t talked in nine or ten months, but I wanna see you when you get back in town and talk”, without doing it in such an impersonal manner as using Facebook. I was a coward long enough, I made up excuses to myself long enough and now I want to finally stand up and say “hey, this is how I feel and I totally understand if you don’t feel the same way, but I really hope you do”. I just don’t have any idea how I’m going to get back in contact without seeming weird. Is it okay to use Facebook to get back in touch and try set up a meeting? Any help or advice'd be amazing. Thank you for reading my dumb story.
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female
reader, kinjal  +, writes (15 April 2014):
Firstly ur story isn't dumb please
secondly stop being a pessimist dnt think negative
be optimistic think she will say a yes this helps build up confidence
start with a casual chat with her on fb u may ask her cell no send her msgs call her up then
tell her u miss her u miss ur hangouts and it would be great if u could meet up some day
when u actually meet her up tell her ur feelings face to face this wdnt be weird
All the best
A
female
reader, Lilmisshelpline  +, writes (15 April 2014):
Hi op
I think that using Facebook will be a great way to get back into contact with her. I would just start the conversation off casually saying something like hi, I saw your post about getting the job down here congratulations! How are you? And will you be moving down here for work?
I am sure the conversation will flow steadily and then you can say it would be lovely to meet up and catch up once you are settled.
Hope this has helps! Good luck! J x
x
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