A
female
age
41-50,
*isdeeds
writes:So my boyfriend and I are in bed sleeping and his phone goes off indicating he had a text message, it's about 12:15 a.m. He looks at the phone and the message says hi. I'm like ummm, who is that? He's like idk, they text before and when I called back it was an Indian guy. I didn't say anything but the longer I lay in bed the more I began to think. I'm like okay, you stayed away from me intimately for 3 weeks, you were distant, not really talking, now you start to come back around like everything is okay then your phone is going off in the middle of the night. I asked him if he could promise me that he didn't know who it was and he got pissed. He was getting loud and I'm like why are you yelling? I just asked a simple question. If my phone goes off, he's asking who it is and what do they want. I told him I only did what he would so why are you angry? My phone vibrates all night long because I receive emails and he said it could be a guy emailing me, I'm like are you kidding me!? He knows my lock code and can clearly see who it is if he so chose to. When I tried to show him my phone he slapped it out of my hand. He called me an a**hole, when I called him one back he says shut the f*** up! I'm like wow, really! He gets up and leaves. My thing is, I have reason to think something is or was going on. His behavior changed too drastically. Whenever he has a question he wants an answer but if I ask, he gets pissed like I'm wrong or something. I'm tired of the disrespect, normally I would've stopped him from leaving but I'm like wth, go if that's what you want! It's ridiculous... any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): sounds to me like you have far bigger problems in your relationship than simply who is texting him in the middle of the knight.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): Serpico, did you read the message?? I don't think you read it clearly. His distance caused me to question what's going on. Do you get that???!!! If your wife was distant in every way for 3 weeks all of a sudden and now she comes back as if nothing happened and then her phone rang after midnight, you wouldn't be a bit suspicious?? Come on now...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 December 2012):
 Sounds to me like your "relationship" with this guy has run its course.... and it's time for YOU to put distance between yourself and this creep.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): Whoa! He slapped your phone out of your hand and he is "swearing" at you?? He is using that as a cover to divert you to what is really be going on. No honey! Run away from this one!
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A
female
reader, Misdeeds +, writes (18 December 2012):
Misdeeds is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe actually did tell me to call but I chose not to because if he is/was messing around, they may have talked about what to do if he called and not text back. You see what I'm saying? All I asked of him was to promise me that he didn't know who it was that sent the text and he blew up...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2012): He actually did tell me to call the number and chose not to because if he is/was messing around they could have easily talked about what to do if he calls and not texts back. You see what I'm saying? So, all I asked was for him to promise me that he didn't know who it was and that's when he blew up. But why resort to name calling?? I never disrespect him, EVER!!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 December 2012):
 i agree if he had nothing to hide, he's be forthright with the information... he would not get angry and turn the tables on you AND your gut would not be telling you something is up.
He called you names
he SLAPPED your phone out of your hand
do you want to figure this out before you kick him to the curb or are you fed up enough to just end it now?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (18 December 2012):
 If he has nothing to hide, he should be ok with you taking a look at his phone or dialling the late night number. Surely it's more important to him to put your mind at rest...he seems to be protesting a bit too much.Sounds like you have relationship problems anyway what with him withdrawing sexually...maybe this late night intruder is more a symptom than a cause.Maybe time for a whole relationship review?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (18 December 2012):
You dont trust him. I have been with my finacee for five years, and not one time have we checked either others phones, or have ever had the inkling to. If I caught her doing that, I would be pissed.
If you feel the need to keep electronic surveillance on your partner, you probably shouldnt be with them. A relationship without trust is like a lake without water. Cant happen.
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