A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been seeing this girl for a few months and things have been great. We seem to be getting along quite well. My problem is probably a result of paranoia but it's still bothering me. You see, she has a ton of guy friends. Which I'm completely fine with. She isn't the kind of girl to "hook up". She never hooks up with anyone, she is usually looking for a long term relationship. Now I've always been worried of her guy friends. But she accidentaly sent me a text that was definitely not for me. There wasn't anything wrong in the text but it was to her friend saying that some guy named Josh was going to meet her somewhere to eat and that he was going to walk her to her car after they were done. Logically I would say the only reason he is walking her to her car is because she parks in a pretty shady area off campus, she's in college and it's a college campus, so she tries to get someone to walk with her. Now I'm probably making a big deal out of this but I haven't heard too much about this Josh guy. And immediately after the text was sent to me she must have realized I got it because she sent another one changing the subject and everything. I didn't say anything and pretended it didn't happen. What your thoughts? I'm just paranoid aren't I? Or should I bring this up to her? I don't want her to think I don't trust her but it's bothering me. I want her to have her friends but I don't want to be deceived in any way. Another question...What do you think of girls, from experience or like wise, who date a guy but have a lot of guy friends?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Well from experience (being a girl that during University had predominantly all male friends) I can say that yes you are being a bit paranoid and you really dont have much to worry about here.
When I was at uni (between the age of 18-21) I didnt really get on with the girls that lived on the same floor as me in our first year accommodation, so I ended up spending most of my time with the guys that lived on the floor below me. They quickly became my best friends and I shared a house with 4 of them for the following 2 years of university. Never once did I kiss any one of them, flirt with them, or see them as anything else other than my friends. Coming from a family where my only other sibling is a younger sister, these guys were all like brothers to me! So during the entire time I was at University I spent all my time with my guy friends, but there were purely just that....friends. I had one main serious relationship while I was at uni and my boyfriend at the time became really close to my guy friends, they are all still friends today!
Lots of guys I dated were a bit intimidated at first when they found out I lived with 4 guys, it is normal to feel what you feel so dont worry!
As for this text - I suggest you ask her about it. I think it is fair seen as you have not heard much about this "Josh". So maybe say something along these lines "So that was funny the other day when you sent that text to me instead of Josh. Did you have a good time when you went out?" then after she has hopefully told you a bit more about it, just say "I've never heard much about Josh before, is he on your college course etc?".
Or you could go down the honesty route - just tell her that you trust her and really like the fact she has so many friends but you just need a little reassurance from time to time because they are all male. Hopefully she will understand and reassure you about her relationship with her friends!
I think the best thing you can do is not to worry and trust her, if things are going great then you dont have anything to worry about. Try and meet all of her male friends if you can, the chances are you will get on really well and make some new friends of your own!
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, dystrex +, writes (20 January 2010):
i think you should definately ask her about it, but reasure her that you do trust her. if she doesn't get angry about it or try and change the subject then you probably have nothing to worry about.
if that doesn't help, then maybe ask to go out and do things with her and her mates. that will show you for yourself how they all interact with each other and prove you have nothing to worry about
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