A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:One of my good friends from highschool tends to ignore me when ever a guy pays attention to her. When things end I am the first person she calls when she is sad. I am sick and tired or being put on the back Burner the minute a guy shows her interest. Sometimes she lies because she does not want me to know she is sleeping with some random guy. I am fed up. Is it just time to accept that apperently I am not nearly as important to her as she is/was to me?
View related questions:
she lies Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): You are second fiddle. If you are happy with that stick around. Of course people want to find their partner in life but not at the expense of friends. She is one of life's users.
She will never change so move on and get new friends that are interested in being with you and include you in their life when they have a partner or not.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 January 2013):
 well unfortunately, this is pretty much the norm of friendships. it's somewhat the joy/disappointment of them. it's nice knowing we can always have someone to fall back on when we need them most, but it's also sad when it makes you start to feel like a doormat. i think what she's doing is fairly normal, within reason. most everyone, when they get in a serious relationship, places the majority of their free time into the person they are with. that's just how relationships operate. not saying that it's okay to completely ignore your friends. but as friends, we realize and expect that once our friends find someone, they will more than likely "disappear" to be with them. and when all hell breaks loose, and that relationship fails, well, that's the beauty of friendship. they're always there. i'd say she's really not being that poor of a friend. i think maybe it's possible that you're expecting too much. or perhaps maybe a little healthy dose on both of your ends. try and talk to her about it. let her know how you feel and see what she says. maybe a compromise is in store.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): That's not on she's obviously not a real friend and you should end that friendship because she is just using you.
Hope this helps.
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Yea sounds like a one way relationship. Have u talked to her yet? If yes then id cut her out of ur life.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 January 2013):
 Ahh geeze. I think all of us have had friends who are the greatest, truest, most reliable, greatest people to be with, but they turn into fluttery flakes who suddenly forget that there's life outside their newest love interest. It's annoying!
I think regardless of how upset and annoyed you are with her behavior and flaking, you should honor the friendship and sit her down and have a long, honest, heart-to-heart with her about how her behavior makes you feel.
You should tell her exactly what you told us, that the way she pushes you aside and hides the fact that she is sleeping with guys from you makes you feel unimportant and upset.
Sometimes, people can be obtuse and oblivious to the impact of their actions. Was she hiding that she was sleeping with some guys because she has in the past and you've criticized her about it? Is there a history there regarding past boyfriends she's had that has caused animosity in the past that she's trying to avoid, or that she knows you're the voice of wisdom, but she doesn't want to hear it?
Either way, you owe it to the friendship to have the heart to heart confrontation, something so many people are scared to do with their friends. Don't just slink off, feelings hurt, ready to chuck it...what have you got to lose by talking to her then?
No, even if she's forgotten the meaning of friendship, you haven't. Tell her how you feel. It might do some good in a roundabout way and may ultimately make you two closer.
...............................
|
