A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:The curiosity is killing me, but I cant find the rght answer anywhere. I keep hearing about man , who goes impotent and age 40, and than the doctors, and people are saying , oh it happens all the time, and its just natural aging. Yet, I keep hearing ( like here, and many other places) about men, who is chasing woman ,and having sex close to their 80 es. Like age, never stops them, and their sexual function never diminishing, till they die. So what is the truth, is sexual function , libido decline is really part of aging, or not? Are there any rules, or is it all random? I would like to hear what you think. My man is impotent since his 40 es. And I have no way of knowing , what is the truth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): As the previous aunt says, his physician will know more about your husband's "personal" diagnosis of sexual dysfunction than anyone on this site. I would hope your husband has sought more than one opinion. For some people; referral to a specialist is limited by their healthcare insurance; so, they will settle for whatever medical opinion comes first. Usually from their general practitioner. Not to say he or she, isn't competent.However; the necessary medical therapy or tests may not be covered. If that isn't your case; then you've done all you can in that respect. As you and your husband should know, impotency is caused by many factors.Physical trauma, the side-effects of medications, a hidden affair, psychological disorders, lack of sexual attraction to a partner, over-frequent masturbation (rough manipulation of the genitals); or performance anxiety brought on by a number of reasons. The major cause being age. We just get older and the body fails. Another case may be closeted homosexuality. This is the first suspicion people have about a partner. It isn't always the case. Never let panic from suspicion rule your thoughts. The odds are, that you may be wrong.Eventually, age will lower your libido at some point. There are sometimes ways you can enhance or restore it; but that is as individual as every soul that walks the planet. We have bodies that function differently and respond differently to treatment. That's why medications always have to give the disclaimer that results may vary. Yes, there are fortunate people who maintain a healthy libido into their late years of life. There are people who don't wrinkle much, and some who maintain a figure or physique similar to when they were in their twenties; even into their 60's or 70's. This all depends on genetics and how we take care of ourselves. How active we are and how healthy a lifestyle we maintain.It depends on if we have other physiological ailments that may impede our sex-drive. That's why we have to get medical examinations to diagnose and treat these disorders. Treatment doesn't always help. The blue pill doesn't help all men. A pill may not help all women.You sound as though you may be skeptical in your husband's case? I sense that you feel there is some hidden reasoning in his particular case? Perhaps that it began so early; it has given you reason to wonder. Maybe you figure he was too young? Drop any suspicion; listen to your doctor. Sexual desire differs from person to person; thus the level and intensity as well.These days, there are so many ways to still bring pleasure to your partner. The thing is, as people age; they tend to think old-school and overlook all the possibilities. Thinking they are silly or disgusting. If you're close-minded or a prude; you may be limited in experimentation.In my "unprofessional opinion," impotency is what happens to your penis; not the rest of your body or your mind.Just because a man cannot penetrate his partner, doesn't mean he can't use his fingers or tongue. He can sexually stimulate you in so many different ways. That is, if he has the mental desire, or will, to please his partner sexually. If he surrenders to his impotency; than so be it. You have to be turned on to appreciate and to want to participate in the act of sex. If your mind and heart isn't in it, it's just a mechanical performance. So many poor women do it on a regular basis. Men don't have the option.I'm not suggesting that you go and raise the poor man's frustration and anxiety by demanding he do something. It all depends on how willing you are as a couple to try something new; if that particular issue is the only thing that you miss between the two of you.Gentle coaxing, imagination, and communication will sometimes be the alternative to giving up. I know I'm reading up on everything I can possibly do; should this become a problem for me. One way to determine if (you think) a man is faking impotency, is if he has nocturnal erections; or if he wakes up in the morning with "morning wood." Neither occurs if he is totally impotent.Maybe someday, I may not derive the pleasure I may have had when I was able to fully function as a sex-partner (as I age); but I do want to know how much mental pleasure I can still derive from seeing my partner aroused and happy. But, that's just me. I'm looking forward to the comments from the other aunts, as well.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (1 July 2013):
 Desire and ability are not the same thing. And it's natural for anyone of any age to lose their ability to have sex due to any number of psychological or physical issues. What is more important than whether or not it's "normal" is if the people work to get around it.
Viagra can help a man maintain an erection when he has the desire for sex, but it does not give a man a libido.
Sex does not have to include penis in vagina penetration to be satisfying. He can still be intimate with you without having the use of his penis, and since sexual fulfillment is important to you, you two need to come up with a new way to figure that out. Be creative.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 July 2013):
 It's random.
My grandfather commented in his late 80s to his daughter "well do don't have sex as often as we used to but when we do it's still very good"
Having a libido (wanting sex) is different from being impotent. Impotency can be physical or mental. IT could be from hormones or medication. There are lots of reasons for it.
Best thing for a man to do is get a complete medical work up and let his doctor know what is going on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2013): It could be anxiety,worry,frustration with life, etc. In fact any host of reasons. If he has no cardiovascular complaints, he should try viagra for a period of time till he gets his confidance back.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 July 2013):
 I think you should listen to the doctors. They should rule out physical problems as well as psychological. Doctors are definitely more reliable than we are, good as our intentions may be.
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