A
female
age
26-29,
*atewww
writes:I am eighteen years old ( completed secondary school)and I have no friends for the last nine years.Please believe me as many who I have gone to help to don't believe me.I changed schools , no help.I have attended a two psychologists for a deeper insight into the reasons to no avail, they didn't want to see me for more than three sessions.They couldn't understand my problem it seems like society cannot understand that I do not have a single person I can chat to except my family.I am in contact with my class .I chat on facebook.I have held parties.I have asked people to hang out with me.Their response was either running away ,ignoring saying they cant.Some don't reply to my texts at all.I give up on those.I am not clingy and I have a sensibility to not overcrowd someone.When I moved school two other students joined and they have friends , talk outside school and go out together.All I want to know is if there is a disease or some sort of syndrome I could have that is preventing me from forming friendships.This is what has been happening for the past eight years and I am desperate for a solution.Is their an online site that I can find friends of my own age?I have joined societies , clubs you name it I have tried it.I have read books about friendships.I am an only child an I am constantly surrounded by adults I wonder if this could be a factor.I have interests , a good sense of humour and I know if someone took the chance I would be a wonderful friend.
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female
reader, Katewww +, writes (1 August 2012):
Katewww is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your advice so far.So far no one will reply to my texts, even the one guy who revealed to me he feels the same way about people.(I dont go around telling everyone I have no friends but I knew he is in a similar situation although he has friends from his parents friends)over six years is a long time to have anyone to talk to.A friend who was very close to me in class ( but never would allow himself to speak to me outside) and all of a sudden left out of the blue, i asked him why no contact, how I felt and no response.I am begging anyone who is out there I desperately need help, I have no clue what I am doing wrong!!Please help me!People use odd excuses to get out of situations of being with me.Repeatedly when they promise to go clubbing with me they turn me down at the last moment.My parents wont let me go to a club on my own.Even the people with no friends dont want to contact me.I really really cannot wait for college anymore .If I enter college in this state I will be uncomfortable with everything around me.I feel like I will go insane at this point.I feel so hurt.I have been lied to so much in the past month.I have already recently tried everything for contact with everyone I know to no result.Im really at my lowest point now.Right now Im so upset that I have lost complete interest in everything that I like instead I am focusing on ways to find people most importantly of around my own age.If anyone knows anywhere I can go, I will do anything for help.Someone I met went to my house to hang out for one night ,promised to invite me back to his but then wouldnt let me go to his house the next day.I was kind polite and respectful to him.He now wont talk to me at all.He has cut off all contact.I never see all of this happening with anyone else I have seen.Is there anyone ,I dont care where (I will go across the globe) or what price I can go to to sort this out once and for all.I have read and re read many internet article but I notice I am not like most of the other experiences.I am not shy or socially anxious.I am an attractive young lady and there is no reason known to me for my troubles.
A
male
reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall  +, writes (19 July 2012):
hi, katewww,
I'm sorry it was more of a rhetorical question. I just meant to consider that people might be uncomfortable with you for some reason. I wish I could offer more.
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A
female
reader, Katewww +, writes (12 July 2012):
Katewww is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo , Mr. Don T Knowitall.In response to your question do people think your clingy? How am I supposed to know the answer.I Don't follow people around and text them constantly.I would text someone maybe once a week or less if I am on school holidays to start a conversation.
I do start slow and dont ask someone to hang out with me immediately.Its been eight years, I have spent months getting to know people.I get to know them first ask about their weekends small talk.I participate in group conversations with people who know my potential friend longer.
I believe my body language is good .I look people in the eye.I act naturally not falsely friendly.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall +, writes (12 July 2012):
I think you might be right with the surrounded by adults thing, it could be a factor. I didn't have a lot of friends when I was in school. I was always quiet and just minded my own business. what other people my age were doing didn't really interest me.
You say you have interests but don't say what you talk about to other people. you have to start slow, get to know someone first before you actually hang out anywhere with them. smile, be friendly, when you ask questions be sincere.
what about body language? you may be sending signals that you're defensive or uncomfortable. you say you're not overwhelming them but that is your opinion. what do others think?
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (10 July 2012):
Forget all notions of a disease that causes this. Forming friendship requires two things: yes of course you need to have a friendly attitude. Do you, for example: say hello to people, ask how they are, smile or wave, initiate conversations when you get the chance? You get the picture, there are ways to be friendly and there are opposite behaviours that will indicate that you’re not a friendly person. But forming friendships also requires people to respond to you in the right way, and to give you the chance by opening their minds to the possibility of getting to know and like you. So of course you need to ask yourself if you’re doing the right things to come across as a friendly, approachable person. But if you do think that you’re doing everything right, don’t despair that you don’t have any friends. Remember that schools are often not very good places to form friendships. That might surprise people, but consider that students who’ve gone to a primary school together in an area will often follow each other to secondary school. They already have firm friendship groups so don’t need to make new friends and become closed-minded towards the possibility of forming bonds with other people. What do you plan to do in the future? As you enter work, or university, you’ll be thrown in with other people who also have yet to form friendships within those settings. This means that the workplace, university/college or some other place of learning/training is a much better place to make friends, so things can and will change for you. In the meantime, there’s no harm in finding friendship sites on the internet if you want to do that. Finally, please do not think that you’re alone with this concern: there are many people with friendship anxieties, both people who struggle to form friendships and those who can’t work out why they haven’t made any friends despite their best efforts. There’s always an element of luck in this matter even for the most outgoing of people, because they need to meet people who respond to them. Remember also that though some people have many friends, most people differentiate between their friends in terms of levels of closeness with those people, and tend to have only a few close friends. As hard as it is, don’t be disheartened and keep trying to do as much as you can to meet people. Take comfort in knowing that you’re doing all the right things, and that as you progress in to the next stage of your life, whatever that’s going to involve, you’re going to be meeting a much wider range of people. The world will be a less certain place, and you’re going to find people who will be looking to form friendships, who won’t just be able to operate in a tightly banded group as they do in school, but will see the intelligent, interesting and caring person that you are as some-one worth getting to know.
I wish you all the very best.
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