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female
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anonymous
writes: i would like to know from anyone who knows how is it like to live with someone who is an alcoholic but can carry himself well when drunk. The reason i ask cos i think i have fallen for someone who drinks a lot (but make perfect sense while chatting) and is a perfectly normal and decent guy otherwise. Would appreciate some opinions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2008): reading all this makes me realise;that im not alone;how sad. ive been with my man 21yrs;3 children;and ive realised that this never goes away;life will only get better if i go alone;his wrecked my life .
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): My wife is an alcoholic, Im 31 and she is 28. We've been together for 8 years. The worst part is for the most of the time weve been together I have known she is an alcoholic or at least have problems with it.We seperated two years ago, mainly due to her alcoholism which made me depressed. I never stopped loving her and we got back together. She was still drinking. She used to be a passive drunk and fall asleep. Now she becames emotionally abusive. She continues to belittle me, call me abusive names, and doesnt stop.I go to work everyday, Im an athlete so I train 5-7 times a week, and I dont tell anyone about it. My parents ask and I lie to them as well. That hurts me.Ive stopped drinking because of her, but that hasn't helped. Im lying to the outside world. my closest friends dont know what i go through every day with worry and then when I have to come home to her. I lock myself into our spare room, shut he door, turn the PC on try and forget about her and my life in general. Sometimes I cna feel my life slipping away from me, where I dont want to be with her, but I cant leave her either. Compulsive liar. everything she says I question, her every move is under scrutiny with me. I check every room, for alcohol, she hides it in water bottles, under the bed, between the mattress, cuts out the lining of our sofa to hide it. This is a nightly ritual. Unless someone has lived it, its very hard to explain the pressure, depression, emotional lows that I can feel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): I have been living with an alcoholic for just over 4 months now...the really sad part is I have know he was an alcoholic for over 3 years now. We have always been off and on in our relationship, and those times always follow a close pattern of drug or alcohol abuse. About a year ago he kicked the drugs...and what progress I thought this meant for "us". What a mistake this was for "me"! Now he drinks all the time...he is a bartender and so when I say all the time, I mean ALL the time. He gets off work late and goes to the bar with all his friends who are also alcoholics; some higher functioning then others, but alcoholics none the less. He has made many empty promises of cutting back, or getting help. He is currently faceing charges on his second DUI in a year. My nights are filled with worry, and often times followed by early morning drives to the bar to pick him up fighting all the way home about leaving his car behind. How now Im mad at him, and how he hates his life. This problem has become for me a life style. I now come home from work at 6pm and go straight to bed so at 2am I can wake up to take part in that nights dramatic episode of which I have allowed my life to become. I am often late to work, tried all day, and have become incredibly depressed. In the beginning I would talk with my friends about it a reach out for support. Now I say nothing and pretend it has all gone away. I am more ashamed of myself for still engaging in this destructive life style; then I am him for still drinking. Some days, and weeks are better. But that "bad" day is always haunting.I under no circumstance doubt that he loves me; but he does not love himself. Sadly I can not fix him, help him, or change his behavior. I am only one person and no matter how many times I try and tell him how his drinking makes me feel...that is not enough. It has to make him feel; and the entire purpose behind drinking is not to "feel" anything. I would love to say that I am going to walk away from this, but I can not promise that right now. What I can promise is to truely reflect on my lifes choices; and begin shifting them toward some more positive results.My advice to you, along with all other postings is stay clear of this acolholic. They will consume your life like alcoholism has consumed theres.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Living with an alcoholic is soul destroying.
My wife has a problem she will not admit to.The problem developed slowly she drank more and more,two glasses of wine a night then 3 then a bottle a night then two bottles.She only drinks at night then sleeps it off.She works 5 days a week in a good well paid job,we both work and we have no children.nobody knows she has a problem,except me.
I am partly responsible because I did not challenge her enough in the early days.I have never "outed" her to any of her family but I have hinted to them hoping they would talk to her.On the occasions I did challenge her drinking she screamed and shouted at me telling me to cop on and that I was boring Etc.Insisting she needed drink to put up with me.That I was impossible to live with.That she would drink if she wanted to that I was a control freak.Then I stopped challenging her while she was drunk and decided I would broach the subject when she was sober,however when she was sober I did not bring it up very often because I did not want to start trouble and I would think all would be well,after all she did not drink in the day time generally so maybe she was just a heavy drinker.When I did raise the issue when she was sober I was verbally abused and told to back off and stop controlling.Eventually I lost all self confidence and self worth I was being bullied but I did not realise it.She stopped having sex with me rejected me constantly and when she did have sex with me I was not allowed either to kiss her or to bring her to orgasm this made me feel even more worthless.Then I became depressed and moody.Then I became suicidal but did not tell her so as not to put more pressure on her.She eventually drove a wedge between us and I could not take any more we argued a lot then separate bed rooms and more drinking from her and if I commented or tried to encourage her away from drink I was told again it was nothing to with me that I did not love her that I was not part of her life,and that her few drinks had nothing to do with me.
We are separated now,we still share the same house.I do not earn much and I could not afford to rent or buy a house,luckily property values have dropped considerably over the last 6-12 months.We are in the process of legally separating right now.We try to keep everything amicable but her moods change rapidly and it is very difficult not to react,I hold back and hang on,knowing I only have to wait about 9 weeks now for my house deal to go through the legal process.I have managed to agree a deal with her,she gets to keep the house.She is buying my share at a cheap rate and I am putting that money with a mortgage on a small house that needs lots of work,I am keeping the amount she is paying me as low as possible,I am afraid she would run into financial trouble trying to pay her mortgage and paying for drink.
It was not a nice evening tonight things were not friendly but it was tolerable enough until suddenly her mood changed,thankfully she went to bed.
I actually came across this web site just now as I gooogled "alcohol and mood swings"I'm still looking for answers,I really hope she can stay on the rails keep her job,and not drive to buy wine when she finishes a bottle and wants more(mad as it is I usually go for some when she asks,I'm afraid to say no as I reckon that she would no longer ask me and drive herself to spite me,she knows how much I would worry and she manipulates) but I fear it will get worse when I am gone.
My answer to the question...
If you suspect your potential life partner is an alcoholic turn and run as fast as you can away from that situation do not become involved it is different when the alcoholism evolves when your already in a marital relationship.
Your trapped emotionally and possibly financially.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2008): Yes, yes, yes. .... I do understand with all of the posts here!!! Thank you for this, I have been dealing with similar issues and have been in the relationship off and on for over 2 years now. I was wondering if it was me, but I now am much more aware that it is him. Wow. What a nightmare. Now our finances are entwined, we live in the same house, and he is getting worse and worse as the months continue. I am soooo ready to leave, but I love him and need to emotionally detach. Seems strange that I would even love this person. Nonetheless, it's definitely time for an exit strategy. Thanks to all who posted here it helped a lot!
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reader, dontbedumb  +, writes (2 July 2008):
It is a nightmare everyday!! I have been married for 12 years with 4 kids and had convinced myself his drinking was normal! He pays the bills, is neat and tidy, never late or missed a shift of work, he is so perfect he has convinced a dr., 2 pastors, friends and myself included that he doesnt suit the classic alcoholic and if it doesnt talk like a duck or act like a duck then well you get the picture. He is an alcoholic he is the most functioning darn one out there!! He can easily drink DAILY at least 6 beers a day. And thats just a min. DONT BE FOOLED LIKE ALL OF US AROUND THIS GUY HE IS SMOOTH AND GOOD TO COVER UP!! You deserve better dont be dumb, you obviously were intelligent enough to get advice i hope you take it too!!I am stuck as I have been a stay at home mom in a city where you cant afford to live with 4 kids!! It will eat you alive if you make this mistake. Marriage has enough pitfalls of its own to deal with why marry someone with baggage and obstacles already.BOTTOM LINE-YOU DESERVE BETTER AND SO DO YOUR FUTURE KIDS!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2008): Things do not get better with an alcoholic - they get worse.
One thing you can never do is tell them when you think they have overstepped the mark.
They will blame you for their drinking and turn to someone else who understands them - usually another alcoholic.
One day they make wake up and stop drinking - but don't count on it.
You have a life of misery ahead of you where police at your door will become normal to you.
Walk away now is my advice.
You cannot save him - he can only save himself.
Maybe if you tell him you left because you don't want to live with an alcoholic that may make him dry up - then maybe if he approaches you in a couple of years you can live a happy life together.
Alcoholics do not love themselves - so there is nothing left for you at this time.
Pray he finds God.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): "What is it like to live with an alcoholic?"...
It is Hell on Earth!!!!!!!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): i have lived with an alcoholic for almost a year now, we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. And now i am pregnant again. I wish i would have left already but now im on maternity leave and cant pay my bills to leave, last night i found him peeing on my bedroom floor!! It is always something bazarro! life isnt fair to have to be with someone like this! Leave before you get trapped like i am.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Leave him now and move on with your life or it will only get worse!
I have lived with an alcholic for 22 yrs and it does not get better! You cannot change them they can only get help if they choose to!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Leave him now and move on with your life or it will only get worse!
I have lived with an alcholic for 22 yrs and it does not get better! You cannot change them they can only get help if they choose to!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Don't walk, but RUN away from this guy before you get too involved. I have lived with an alcoholic for 34 years. When I first married him he was just as you described your guy. I stayed with him trying to keep the family together as I had three children. I left him a few times over the years but always went back. Which was the biggest mistake I ever made. My life and my three childre's life were pure hell. He is getting worse every day. Yes, I am looking a place to stay as I write this, and filing for a divorce. I have finally had enough. and am leaving him for good. Please save your life and let this guy go. I speak from experience. Living with an alcoholic is not living. You will suffer more than the alcoholic. I regrett not leaving him 33 years ago.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Is it coincidence that almost every answer posted says the same things. Alcoholics will not change their habits or give up alcohol so bale out of the relationship whilst you still can. IT IS AN INCURABLE DISEASE. Two questions : (1) Why do Al-Anon some-how make you feel guilty for deserting the alcoholic who has this dreaded disease ? (2) How come there are so many "recovered" alcoholics at AA meetings and how did they "cure" themselves ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): I have been married for 16 years and lived with my husband for 9 years before that. My husband is a functioning alcoholic and when he is sober, we get along like a house on fire, have similar interests and love our home and our animals. He is a wonderful person, well liked by family and friends and last but not least, my best friend. Over the last 6 years, he started drinking during the working day and it is always vodka or red wine. This has led to a decline in his income, scores of lies, infidelity on his behalf, loss of our social life and family and friends. I no longer trust him, believe him or respect him and this is no way to re-build a relationship. He has been to rehab twice and now he has joined the AA and goes to meetings 3 times a week but I suspect that he is not honest with them about his drinking habits. After every binge, he makes sincere promises about how he is going to change because he cannot live without me (and I am sure that at the time, he believes the promises that he is making). The emotional roller coaster has finally gotten to me and I have started divorce proceedings against him. He is devastated that I have taken this step yet it still has not stopped him from drinking. I know that he will head downhill from here onwards but that is out of my hands. We do not have any children so the process should be simple. Having said that, this has not been an easy decision for me to make but I can finally see that I am only making his problem worse (enabling him) by staying in his life. I believe that he has not yet hit rock bottom and he has to reach that place before he can turn his life around. As I said, the decision I have made was not easy but I realize now that I should have made it many many years ago and would have saved myself a lot of heartache and emotional stress. Nobody wants to be alone but I have lived an "alone" life for so many years now, that I may as well be alone. I am not proud to say it but my advice is to turn 180 degrees and head for the hills. Save yourself the inevitable heartache of having to eventually do it some time in the future. Alcoholics are extremely manipulative and self destructive and will invariably will bring you down with them.
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reader, 21dragons  +, writes (23 April 2008):
I have been married for almost 28 years to a man who works hard and has been drunk for the last 15 years. It has now affected his health in an extreme way. He has been hospitalized 2 times in the last 4 years for almost bleeding out. He stops drinking for awhile and then starts again. This is a very difficult thing to watch and live with. Our 17 year old daughter has never nown him sober. The times he is sober is nice. Reciently he got drunk and approched me romantically and i avoided him this made him mad and he moved out to the garage room and hasn't talked to me in 2 weeks. is this the life you want for yourself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): it's terrible
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): I too am in love with an alcoholic. He is very caring and loving and will do amything for me. He is also a marajuana smoker. I think the reasons that he does this is that he has anxiety issues and with all these habits he refuses to go to the doctor to get real relief. His son and I call it self medicationg. I fear someday that if something medical happens to me, he will not be able to help me. With all the vices he has I am really not sure that after 10 years I am not sure that I really know him. He teases day after day and that is really straining our relationship as far as I am concerned. I bring these things up and he just kind of laughs them off. I too am not sure how to help him. He is sure short changing his life by depending on this crap to get through life. I really want to help him before I walk way from frustration
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): you truly want to know what it's like to live with an alcoholic? IT IS MISERABLE!!!! I am asking myself daily, do i leave or stay? I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and when we first started dating I knew he drank alot, but didn't give it much thought, until my mom pointed it out. Then about 6 months after we met he got a DUI, and 3 months after that another, I later found out that was his 7th DUI. He is now a convicted felon, spent time on house arrest, and is on 5 years probation. I have caught him in so many lies that are not drinking related as well, because after doing some research I am finding out alot of alcholics lie, because in their world, they do no wrong and they make you feel like your losing your mind. I am at a point in my relationship, where we live together and it's hard emotionally to leave, but if you are not living together and it's new, trust me when I tell you to leave this man alone, and don't look back. I find myself alot of times looking back to when we met and not yielding to the warning signs then. When the love is new however it's easy to get caught up and not think clearly. For me this is just one more life lesson. I just hope I can get strong enough to say no more. Good luck!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): After reading all of these, I just wanted to point out that not every alcoholic drinks everyday; some of them really try not to drink every day, they really really really try, and that is the biggest problem, because it is very hard to leave someone who is obviously trying. In addition, I was kind of irritated by the posts which stated that the alcoholic will "love" alcohol more than you; that really isn't true, and I think it sort of ignores the nature of the problem. My girlfriend loves me, I have no doubt about it, and she HATES being an alcoholic; she cries about it, and wishes she wasn't, and can't understand why she drinks so much sometimes -- it isn't that she loves alcohol, but that she is addicted. There is a difference. I stated the below previously: My girlfriend is a little sweety, usually, except when she is grumpy about being sober, or getting a bit too drunk... then, all the sudden, it is like there is some psychotic demon posesses her, and wow... the problem is, I love and cherish and care about the 'real' her, but the alcoholic side of her is absbearable. SIGH.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): My girlfriend is a little sweety, usually, except when she is grumpy about being sober, or getting a bit too drunk... then, all the sudden, it is like there is some psychotic demon posesses her, and wow... the problem is, I love and cherish and care about the 'real' her, but the alcoholic side of her is absolutely unbearable. SIGH.
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reader, AvonLady  +, writes (20 February 2008):
Living with an alcoholic is like living with a time bomb - you never know when it is going to blow up. One minute they are nice - the next they are nasty. It's like walking on egg shells. Although I knew he was a heavy drinker I never thought it would affect me so much. If I had known I would never of married him. It is also very sad to watch as their brain slowly pickles itself. They repeat themselves over and over - they won't go anywhere unless there is plenty of alcohol on hand. Slowly, friends disappear. They never compeltely finish anything they start. They are consumate liars - and the more you react the more they feel justified in drinking - after all - it's all your fault that they have to drink - or at least that's the way they justify it in their own minds.They are never to blame, always able to think of an excuse.I've noticed they never empty their glass - always go and top it up - it's as if, if they don't empty the glass then no-one can say how many drinks they have had. When they drain the glass you know they are either going to pass out or go to bed.They become very sneaky - hiding the alcohol all over the place. They don't drink for the pleasure - they drink to feel nothing - no responsibility, no planning needed.Alcoholics can't plan ahead - unless it is to make sure there is enough alcohol in the house.I could go on and on but my advice to you is run away as far and as fast as you can.Avon Lady
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): Don't be stupid . . . like me. I have been trying to change my alcoholic husband for 25 years!!! He is a high functioning alcoholic. Only drinks 2-3 times a week. Only gets out of hand about once every 6 to 8 weeks - but when he does, it's ugly - mostly psychological but occasionally, physical. My kids 11 and 13 years are suffering, yet I can't break out. Somehow optimism has become my worst enemy!!!.My advice, Get out ASAP. Before you have kids or your too old to find someone new.Incidentally, he makes us a great living, in spite of his drinking - we live in a 5 million dollar home! I would trade it all for a stable, loving husband and father!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): My husband lies, cheats, steals and has now gotten to the point where he is making phoney receipts to show me that he spent money on petrol, gifts etc instead of on cask wine. But I always know that he is lying to me, perhaps I feel superior to him and that is why I stay? But one thing I know for certain, he doesn't love me, he couldn't care less about getting a job, but if I should pour out his cask then I know truly what his one true love is!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): The question: "What is it like to live with an alcoholic?" should be rephrased to say: "WHY would you live with an alcoholic?" There is no true 'living' with a substance abuser. They have an agenda all their own that doesnt include significant others, their children or family. My ex significant other is a binge drinker. I stayed with him many years, but after a short living together situation, I decided that the only thing that an alcoholic thinks and cares about IS alcohol. Dont believe that they somehow care about YOU, their job, family, friends. My ex was very secretive with his drinking,or so he thought, by hiding huge bottles of vodka. My ex thought he was 'hiding' his drinking, but didnt account for the alcohol on his breath every night or how he would stagger around and be incoherant. After his binge drinking he could become emotionally explosive and unpredictable. Who in their right mind would 'choose' to continue to'live' like this? I think now that I was CRAZY to hang around with this guy. Sure he was a 'great guy' when he was sober, but truly, how often was THAT? I want to be with a great guy all the time, not when the alcohol isnt available. This was a guy who only "got help" when I asked him to, not because he cared about himself to save his own life. And every time, he went right back to drinking. He couldnt stay sober for 3-4 weeks. He was arrested several times, even went to jail, still he drinks and drinks.... They arent invested in getting sober for their own life. I frankly got tired of the drama, I didnt feel safe at times and I refused to be part of the alcoholics partnering of becoming isolated and alone and just in service to helping the alcoholic without regard to myself or my family.I recently ended this nightmare,thankfully. Has it been easy? Leaving a relationship, good or bad, is never easy. But I now have moments of joy and peace that I could not have while connected to this alcoholic parasite. I am angry that I allowed myself to wait so long to walk away. There is living with an alcoholic, but there certainly isnt any LIFE in living with one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): Unbelievable. 25 yrs. of marriage and alcohol has taken ahold of husband. Like some of the other posters on here...my alcoholic husband also goes upstairs with "his stash" and comes down on occasion to yell, complain about any little thing, then goes back up to continue with his "bottle." He is functional, a totally different person while at work, it's like a Jeckel and Hyde all rolled into one person. Creepy. Debating the options of leaving.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): i married an alcoholic over 21 years ago. when we first got married, he handeled it good, but as the years go by, things change. you start out telling yourself, "it'll get better, he will calm down" but they dont. after about 5 years of it, i hated him when he was drunk and still loved him when he wasnt, but that changes to. mine is a bing drinker, he will go 3 or 4 days without a drink, and 2 or 3 drunk. he has black outs, he dont believe me when i tell him what he does. he has told our kids he dont love them when hes been like that, hes told me to, but i dont care. love turns to hate, but i stay because i feel sorry for him, and thats not a good life, its not a good reason to stay either. he had a really good job, worked for 10 years, bringing home over $600 a week, and i still didnt get to pay the bills, because that cut into his beer money. hes been in jail, i cant even count the times, hes wrecked, i dont know at the cars, cant keep one for him, and hes been in prison for something he did while drunk and didnt remember doing it when he sobered up. if thats the kind of life you want, stay with him, if not, run like hells after you. oh, he also hits me when hes drunk, and says its my fault for bothering him when hes drunk. and by the way, when hes sober, you couldnt ask to meet a better person.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): My father is a alcoholic and Im only 11 years old. It is terrible , they don't care about anyone or anything. They will pass out and fall over every night, trust me no one would want to live with one. It is a living hell.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): There are not many replies from males, here is mine. I've been with my woman for 14 years, married 9, no kids. I've had the greatest time with her and love her from the bottom of my heart, forever, we are soul mates. But, the last 3 or 4 years alcohol has slowly muscled its way into her life. We were never big drinkers, glass of wine with dinner etc. A year an a half ago she told me she had alcohol problems, (I knew this anyway, but she was functional and I was in denial)I was finding empty bottles about the place, she was on a litre of vodka a day by now. She went to a doctors and got medication to come off the drink. From that point life has been a roundabout nightmare with her stopping and starting again so many times I feel like i would just like to end my pain and slit my wrists. I'm watching her waste away now, she has lost so much weight her skin just hangs on her skeleton. She has been in residential rehab twice and also in state funded rehab twice, not to mention countless home detoxes from the doctor. She's had the best help anyone could put in her way, but to no avail. She has no job, and she will be on the streets if I leave her, and I wish I had done it a year ago. Leaving her is the last thing I can do to help her, but it's like a knife in my heart, she has given me all I ever dreamed of, her true undying love but I have to turn my back on her now. In a few short years alcoholism has ruined both out lives. I look at pictures of the way things used to be for us, it's like a dream from the past and more and more I feel it will never return, unless, maybe if I left her. This is what it's like to live with the love of your life, who is an alcoholic. Advice to you, get away before he becomes the love of your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Hello :D my name is Gail.
I want to thank you all.. I am not alone with my problem. And have gained the courage to take steps to change my situation, through reading all your stories.
My partner is 57 and i am 42. I was a very heavy drinker with my partner, in fact that is how we met... in a pub.. during the day.. drinking. This was 8 years ago. I no longer drink. Cancer kind of woke me up to a few things. I have been dry for 5 years now. Harry goes to the pub at opening time every day stays for 4 hours comes home then drinks for another 4 hours then watches television picking at his food then goes to bed. This is seven days a week. I have no friends, my family wont visit me anymore. My life is empty and so very lonely. Most days i wake up thinking there is no point. The easy way would be to just finish my life. I have no confidence in myself, in my skills, I dont remember how to go out and have fun. I am no longer 42 my life is that of a house bound old woman. Depression and hopelessness are my constant companions. It has been 4 years since i had my last hug, or kind word. I am ashamed that my life has sunk so low :(
As I was an alcoholic too.. I can say there is a part of an alcoholics brain that just wont register there is a problem. In fact you think it really strange that everybody doesnt drink with you.
As others here have said, Run my friend. Loving an alcoholic is a very slow and painful form of suicide. Dont join our club matey. Take care and good luck. Remember you are special and are worth more..xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Like the other answer, run as fast as you can. You are not seeing the real person. My wife is an alcoholic and it has ruined my life. She is mean and nasty. Every night she goes upstairs and comes down every few hours to tell me what a lousy person I am. We have too much invested to divorce. It also affects our kids. RUN RUN RUN
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007): Hi, i was browsing on ways to live with an alcoholic on google because i have an alcoholic father and came across this particular website. my only advice is to get out as soon as possible! i don't know how my mother does it, they've been married for 27 years now and she is my hero. although my father is not physically abusive and has never called me names he does in fact have a problem. he never wants to do things with the family on the weekend and would rather be by himself so he can drink however much he wants, he doesn't like it when my mother goes out because he fears that other men are interested in her, it feels as though he is a complete stranger at night but a wonderful father in the morning. i think that the best thing a person can ever do is never get involved with an alcoholic in the first place..and if you realize that he has become an alcoholic get out asap. the agony and pain it'll cause you and your kids (if you end up having any) is probably the worst feeling ever. its a constant battle even if he may not drink in the morning. you hope for a change and yet there is no change. you see some progress and one single compliment can make him go back to his alcoholic ways. you'll always wish for a way out but life shouldn't be lived that way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): Honey - you need to run. Five years ago I was madly in love with this man. We would drink when we went out, but never thought about alcoholism. I'm 47 and had two teenagers. We moved in together and then I realized how bad it was. He would drink wiskey in his coffee first thing in the morning. He got so bad that I begged him to go to AA or leave. He went for one and a have years, that was the best time in our lives...THEN he started again,this has been almost two years now. He's drinking Jack and at least a 12 pack of beer everyday. He drinks on his way home. I USE TO HAVE A GREAT SOCIAL LIVE, I WAS HAPPY AND HAD A GOOD CAREER. He has sucked the live out of me and I am in the process of getting rid of him. PLEASE, PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF AND STAY AWAY FOR ALCOHOLICS THEY WILL STEAL YOUR SOUL!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): I have been married to a "functioning" alcoholic for 16 yrs. His problem is getting progressively worse. A month ago he totalled out our family car and left the scene of the accident. The police came to the house to get him. A month later, he's drinking again in between work and home. I've finally had enough. I'm getting out before he kills someone or injures himself to the point that I have to take care of him the rest of my life. I'm tired of all of his empty promises. If you are smart, you'll get out now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Honey, you do not want to get involved. I'm married to an alcholic and he is perfectly normal around friends and family. But behind close doors a very manipulative, self destructive person, to me. It is not worth it. After 5 years of complete heartache our marriage is slowy coming to an end. Please don't get involved no matter how nice he may be. It is very painful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2007): I have been married to an alcoholic for 35 years. He has been the only love of my life - a great father, an excellent provider, always supportive, my best friend.I always wished he would drink less. And over the years he always drank more. He drinks beer and wine. Way back when is was a six pack of Bud a day. Now he drinks at least a six pack of higher alcohol malt liquer plus a bottle of wine. In the last ten years since our daughters have been on their own it has become so lonely for me. He goes to bed by 6:00 each night. We don't go out any more. We don't entertain anymore. I dread family gatherings. He no longer can hold a conversation (unless we talk before work at 6:00 in the a.m.) I do go out with my friends but I talk to no one about this. I don't want them to think badly of him. He used to be such a good man. I don't leave him because I do believe he would not survive long. I think about divorce but I don't know if I ever can. God forgive me, I sometimes wish he could die peacefully. He isn't happy anymore. But I did have 20 good years.
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female
reader, schrob01 +, writes (30 November 2007):
I was married to a drug addict for 13 years and I prayed that he would change. The only thing that changed was me! I started to learn how to love myself and take care of my own basic needs and put me and my children first..thru God. As i sought God, i began to change and realized how VALUABLE I was in God's eye. The marriage was abusive also, he drank also and was in and out of prison the entirety of our marriage. 1 1/2 years ago, i fianlly filed for divorce and it was the BEST thing that i ever did for myself. Now, i recently found myself dating a a person who was in a relationship w/an alcoholic. she recently started calling him, claiming to be sober (for one whole week!) and now he's torn between me & her. I told him what I'm about to tell you... PEOPLE don't change!!! Unless they take a LONG hard inventory of themselves and most addicts and alcoholics won't and don't unless something tragic happens. You will never have solid, loving relationship w/ an addict or alcoholic because they don't know HOW to love. EVEN AFTER the alky/addict gets sober, it takes years of counseling and programming to stop the manipulative behavior. Save yourselves a lot of time and GET OUT!!! It's not worth it!!! The guy I was dating, I kissed his b--- goodbye! He's obviously addicted to her! That's what being co-dependant is... it's being addicted to your alky/addict and all the drama that goes along w/it. Life is too short and you all could find some people who will TRULY love you! Learn to be good to yourselves, know God and then you will know what you are worth and be able to walk away from those who are unable to give you your basic need for love!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): My biggest dilemma everyday is wondering how to keep my wife from drinking. When she doesn't drink, she is incredible and an amazing woman who can do anything she puts her mind to; however, once she starts drinking I never know what to expect. Some days are better than others but most of them end with us fighting because I'm asking her not to drink any more and all she wants to do is get her next glass and party. I guess I never should have fallen in love with a high-functioning alcoholic, the real question is what do I do now...besides going to an Al-Anon meeting, which I have yet to do, are there any other options for trying to get our life or my life back together?
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female
reader, cheryld +, writes (18 November 2007):
Ah, the question of the century. I could put it easier if the question was how to live with a non drinking person. My father was an alcoholic, my first husband was into drugs and lo and behold I fell into the alcohol trap with my 2nd husband of 17 yrs. I have read the other answers here and I think it about says it all --an emotional roller coaster ride which seems to get derailed at every twist and turn. financially i can't leave --isn't that sad? i could if on my own but i have resposibilities of animals that i can't trust to him. [falling asleep w/cig, not feeding them or putting out, etc]. my daughter is grown and on her own and i pray she never has to go through what i go through and my mother went through. i can't tell someone not to get involved --a person does not listen -they ""think" they and thier love can change people but the love of alcohol for them surpasses all else. they think this will never happen to them. i know, i was one of those people. alanon says this is not our problem --i don't agree with that --it is very much our problem. my dream is to be with someone who comes home, we have a nice dinner and cuddle and watch tv --to go places without having to worry that my husband who says "i'll be right back" doesn't ruin the plans by coming home drunk after those few minutes, which are by the way hours.
he has recently decided to stop--even went to drs for help. did great for short time but now are back to -he is drinking again and only went to drs because i wanted him to quit, he did not want to, he enjoys drinking etc etc. there hasss to be an end to this madness sometime --i have wasted so much of my life being scared of someone driving while drunk or waiting for that argument over nothing. i can't count howmany times i have been told i am nagging, worthless and so much worse.
ilove him very much but i no longer like the person he has become. my advice is to run like the wind in the other direction --love does not conquer all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): I have been married to an alcoholic for 37 years. When we were first married and until our kids were in college alcohol did not interfere with our lives. He drank but he was always a good husband and father. Things got out of control about 10 years ago. We had financial problems and he couldn't adjust to a move to another state. Eventually I told him he had to stop drinking period. I gave him a cutoff date. That made him drink his butt off until the cutoff date. He went to a psychiatrist and got meds to get off the alcohol. He went on Prozac to help with the depression. Things were really looking up or so I thought. He decided to start drinking non-alcoholic beer. That of course tripped the alchohol sensors in his brain since there is still some alcohol in the non-alcoholic beer. He had a good job and we started a business together. Eventually he got fired from his job. I don't know if it was because of the alcohol or something else. I might have to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one. Anyway he got a part time job and we worked on our business. The business grew and now we both work at it full time. It's not a business that has physical products or a business that can be sold. It is our only source of income. Well my husband has really been drinking lately. He doesn't really get drunk. He drinks beer from morning until night - usually in the garage where I can't see him. He bruises easily and he rarely bathes. I think he is also having some problems with incontinence or maybe he just wreaks because he has bad hygiene habits now. There is no sex. I want to leave but I have no source of income and we have a lot of debt to work through. If we sell the house there won't be much left over. I want to try and get some type of job or business on the side so I can start putting money away but I feel like I am frozen in place. I just can't seem to g |
