A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend doesn't want marriage or kids. I don't know what I want. I think I more want a fairy-tale relationship / marriage, not the realistic kind. Since he doesn't want either. because condoms bother him and are very desensitizing (yes even the really thin kind...i feel the difference too) and he doesn't want to get me pregnant, he has thought about a vasectomy. I'm ok with this because *sorry for being more vulgar* I want him to cum inside me without worrying about getting pregnant, without condoms and without me constantly taking birth control. Plus it is his body, his money, and it is reversible if he ever wanted to have children (I do realize he may never want to at all). I guess I'm just questioning character. I mean he is a young guy that treats me pretty well, we live together, he takes care of cleaning/cooking, wants to take care of me and support us. He's more than willing to be together for a long time. Just throwing this question out there...what's your opinion on a guy wanting a vasectomy at 23? Is it so he can have sex without the worry of getting anyone pregnant, even if it's not me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Just an fyi here, they probably won't do it. They almost always turn away young men and women when it comes to these operations. They believe that people are too young to make these decisions and they really almost always CAN'T be reversed. Most people will turn him away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): Theres nothing wrong with dreaming of a fairy tale wedding and a happy ever after. As you mature you will lower your expectations to a more realistic level. And when you meet the right man, marriage will seem attractive to you, whether its in a horse drawn carriage to the church or a quick civil wedding at the town hall. And once your biological clock starts to tick, you will want to be a mother. It will be the same for your partner. When he meets his Miss Right, his ideas will turn 180 degrees too. He will want to secure his soul mate/love of his life in marriage. Its only natural. In the meantime he shouldnt mess around with his fertility. In order to make a vasectomy fail safe the tubes are cut, sealed and buried away from each other. Surgeons dont want to be sued for unwanted pregnancies. I worked for many years on a surgical ward and saw a lot of attempted reversals. A reversal is difficult and rarely works. Stick to the birth control pill if you dont want to become pregnant. He should not have a vasectomy.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (4 June 2010):
 If it's just as a form of birth control then it's a bad idea. It's permanent. Even supposedly reversible kinds can be non-reversible. You should never get a vasectomy with the intention of reversing it. Why not try the pill or an IUD if you want him to cum inside you? They're very effective and most women have no serious problems with them. If you think you may ever want kids ever, a vasectomy is a very bad idea.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): You two need to have a heart to heart talk about what each of you want out of life. You're young but you can't afford to waste precious years with someone who will never want what you want. That said, at 23, he probably doesn't really know what he wants or what he would be missing.
As far as vasectomies go, no they are not really reversible. Even with a vasectomy "reversed", the chances of pregnancy aren't too good. Better to think of it as a one-way street-no going back. I'm in my forties and have three healthy kids and before my vasectomy I had to go through a screening interview to ensure that I knew what I was getting into and that my wife was ok with it too. No ethical doctor would perform a vasectomy on a twenty three year old unless there were some really compelling circumstances.
You're back to condoms, the pill, IUDs, the rythm method etc. Condoms and the pill being the most reliable.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 June 2010):
 You know where this relationship will be headed with you and him. If you are wanting the family/kids thing, and he's neither wanting marriage nor kids, it's going to end badly for you when you'll waste time you don't have on your biological clock with him and miss out on a guy who has more permanent goals in mind.
As for his vasectomy thing, that's *very* short-sighted, because most smart girls will demand that he wears a condom anyways because of the threat of STD. They are reversable, but not always!
If you don't have feelings for him, and don't care about taking time with him, and accept that he will NEVER marry you, then by all means be with him. But you are going to set yourself up for pain later.
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