A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,What does it mean when a man keeps getting back together with his ex even though they have a very strained relationship. She is very manipulative and makes him feel guilty for leaving her and bad because she says she has no one else
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Some women just have a "hold" on a guy, I don't know why. Maybe he thinks he can rescue her, make her change, better herself. Maybe she gives good head. But this is a tough battle for YOU to fight. It's his choice. If he can't let go, you should. xopxox
A
male
reader, quarky  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Exactly the same as my ex-tries to manipulate by feeding on the guilt. And believe me, she could easily achieve a Phd on the subject!
Let's make one thing clear-no-one can make anyone else feel 'guilty' - it is the person themselves who feel the guilt, the antagonist merely recognises and exploits that. Until he realises that, he'll continue to go back.
You can only take on the burden of guilt for so long-otherwise it will affect any hope of another relationship or destroy confidence.
Perhaps you can help him recognise this.
If he doesn't, you're fighting something you can't beat, and should leave him to it, alone.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 The pop psychology answer is that they are feeding each other's pathologies. There's something inside him that feels connected to her, no matter how awful she is.
I would guess that neither of them have a solid and stable sense of self. She might be a brilliant manipulator, but he has to agree to be a part of it.
Might I add that the person who puts up with a guy who won't truly commit and who keeps going back to his ex is also not taking charge of her own life and destiny? One could argue that this new woman has a lot in common with the ex: they both are waiting around for this guy to solve their problems or be the ONE. I would suggest that someone in this triangle should be the adult and give him the space to figure it out on his own. Personally, I'd have steered clear of him once it was obvious he wasn't emotionally available because of the relationship with his ex.
You can't blame him for the choices you make. You can blame him if he lies or cheats or steals, but if he is being honest about his ambivalence and you choose to stay, well, you might want to examine yourself and what it is in you that makes you go for emotionally unavailable men. Let him worry about his own issues.
I wish you luck!
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A
male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Gullible. But why does he keep leaving her?
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