A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Basically the story is that I'm a guy, and I've fallen in love with one of my best friend who is a girl. It's been a long time in the making, and recently it's become overwhelming. It's not just a crush, it's not just attraction, it's the real thing. I have very strong feelings for her, love everything about her, and view her as very compatible with me - something I've never felt about anyone before. We're very close friends and have known each other for many years. I've never felt about anyone the way I do about her.I wouldn't be afraid of risking our friendship with her by taking it further. I would be with others, but I know that both she and I are mature enough to be able to test it and remain good friends if it doesn't work out. However, I'm still afraid to tell her how I feel, in the event that if she doesn't want to try it, that she'll feel a bit awkward about me after. I know it wouldn't damage our friendship, but I think it may slightly push her away. For example, she may not feel comfortable talking to me about personal things the way she does now.I'm having trouble reading her for whether she'd be open to the possibility of us ever being together. She's agreed with me several times before that we're compatible with one another and would likely work well together. And she's also stated in unrelated conversations her belief that close friendship can be a good foundation for more. We've also kissed a few times before, but it wasn't anything big - just pecks on the lips in a friendly way here and there. On the other hand, she also sees me as a brother, and every time she calls me that it makes me pessimistic.My first question is how can I read better (short of asking her) how open she would be to such a possibility, and also what can I do (in the long run) to make her see me less of a brother and more of a potential for a relationship? We both really love each other as friends, we care for one another, respect one another, and get along amazingly well. It seems to me that everything she's always wanted is right in front of her (me) but she's too blind to see it because of our long history of a sibling-like friendship. Seems like what I need is to somehow work on creating a spark to ingite our current relationship into something more. So I guess my second question is how can I create such a spark?I would really appreciate as much advice as possible, especially from the females here. Thanks!
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male
reader, Jason32477 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Well I`m not female but you might try this approach.I`m sure if your as close as you say you are you have a mutual friend.Talk to said friend and have them talk to her.Maybe mention to her that way that your interested so it`s not coming from you directly.Maybe have said friend say that you were thinking of asking her out on a date but you were worried to jeopardize you friendship and have your friend tell you her reaction.
A
female
reader, holmar +, writes (16 July 2009):
Well, she may see you as a brother, so before saying anything, be patient. There are a few ideas I have. First, try changing the brother image that she has of you. It's summer right, take her swimming. When she gets out of the pool, make some comment about how she looks in her bathing suit. That way she will know that you do not think of her as a sister and that you are "all male", not brotherly. Tell her she looks "hot" or whatever your word of choice is. Take her to a romantic movie, or one that is kind of on the "juicy side". Get her thinking about you in a different way. Or you could make up some hypothetical girl, and describe what she looks like, make her sound similar to this girl, and ask her advice. Tell her you are friends (unless that's a COMPLETE giveaway), and that your afraid to say how you really feel because you might get turned down. The idea is she "kind of thinks it's you, but that she is not positive". If you do it that way, then she will give you an answer that's the truth about how she feels, because she will suspect it's her, but she won't be positive, so if the answer is not what you were hoping for, you can bow out and reassure her it was a different person. Anyway, those are a couple ideas. Good luck.
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