A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my heart is a mesh and my soul is darkenned. Many times I feel hopeless in this world. I have a child who is the only one that keeps me going. But the light that my child gives me is easily tarnished by his father. A man who abandoned my child and seldom remembers the child exists. This man ruined my life and ruined my dream of having the child i always wanted. Many tears have flowed and many struggles I have dragged, all caused by that man. He continues to poke his tail once in a while and it angers me when he requests rights he already has and does not appreciate them. I cannot forgive, I've tried my pain is still fresh. Can someone tell me how to aleviate myself from this nightmare? How can i be strong to prove him that he does not bother me when he does? It's been going on far too long.... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, laura585 +, writes (23 June 2009):
There are no dead ends. Listen, he thinks he's calling all the shots, and that he has all the power. As long as YOU believe he's in control, he will be. Much of life is a mind game, what you believe to be truth you make it your reality. So if you wake up every morning telling yourself how horrible everything is and that and he's "winning" then that will be the truth. On the otherhand, if you wake up in the morning convinced that you can AND will find a way to make things better, then the journey has begun. As long as you believe there is no way out, there won't be any need to look for one. If you believe you will come out on top in the end, and believe it with all your heart your mind starts thinking productive thought, you've just given your mind a complex problem to solve. You know someone once said "True maturity is reached when you finally realize no one is coming to rescue you." You have to help yourself out of the pain, no one is going to do it for you. So what are you going to do about it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRene, if i could, i would. He has the lion grabbed the tail by using the court system. I can't change my phone number because he has to be in contact with the child. If i change it without notifying him, he will definitely file a report against me because he has done it before. He uses the circumstances to bugg me. In reality he doesn't give a damn for the child. He likes to victimize himself. Demonstrating himself as the upset father who is not allowed to see his child when he already has a court order which he does not use. He takes advantage of the system to control me. I had a lawyer for all this, it was a slap on the face. I had no rights backing me up against that monster. When will it stop? When will his game stop? I feel as if i'm on the dead end.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (20 June 2009):
What are you thinking why are you letting this man control your life and how you feel like this your child knows when you are hurt and this will effect them in the long run what will you do when your child is older and can notice how dad doesnt give a dam Seriously if i were you i would just cut him out of your life until he gets it together i would change my number and if need be cease contact with him altogether if he isnt thinking of you guys now he probably wont period why keep hurting yourself leave the option to your child if they want to have contact with him when they are older if you are not married and he isnt helping with father duties then you dont have to let him do anything you are in control here take it on and stand with your head high and back straight stop letting your emotions run the show your childs future is at stake and that is way more important than any feeling he can have at this time HONEY GET IT TOGETHER AND STOP CRYING A RIVER AND LIVE FOR YOU AND YOUR SON
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A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (20 June 2009):
 I"m so sorry. I know exactly what you are talking about. The pain of loving a man's child, but that man not loving you or the child, is most excruciating. It is a thankless, hidden struggle, and you will often, or always, be doing the right thing, but it goes completely unnoticed, even though you are fighting all your feelings to behave in the best way, and do the best by your child, and be both mother and father for that baby, and give him the upbringing and morals and love that he deserves, despite the fact that the other half of this equation, his father, treats the child and you like nothing, and doesn't fulfill his role at all.
Listen, the most important thing is to hold on to your values in all of this mayhem. You are right: it is bad - you wanted your child to have the best, and that was a mother and father in harmony together, who love him and behave like responsible adults. Unfortunately, only you are doing that, and the father is letting you both down. But you can't change him, and it isn't your responsibility, or your fault. It is perfectly possible that you will meet someone else who IS decent and DOES think and behave properly. It is something that tears your heart out, I know, to have to suffer a father for your child who isn't doing it right - I really do know. The worst thing is trying to protect your innocent darling from his or her father's failings. Very sad.
But after you have allowed yourself to cry about the sadness and waste, and to feel angry about the unfairness. calm down and thing about the future. Look at the great things you have - your child, and yourself. Blank out the father - he sadly doesn't deserve the time. Look to the future, and your life as a wonderful mother and parent. Think about how you might meet a real person who understands and loves and has a heart as warm and a morality as decent as yours. There are millions of good guys out there, I promise. : )
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