A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey all, I need some help!For some backstory, understand that my ex, lets call her Sue (names changed obviously) and I were a great couple back in high school and at the beginning of college despite going to schools that were 500 miles apart. When we did break up, it was a fault of my own, but I haven't quite given up on the notion of being with Sue. Now that we're both on summer break, I've been trying to meet up with Sue, which we haven't done since we broke up at college. At first I was hoping to... ahem... get physical... when I saw her but over the past few months I've realized that if I'm going to make our relationship work, even if we were to just be friends, I can't turn it into a summer hook-up deal where we're only kinda together during the summer but then go our merry ways during the school year. I decided to go with the 'just friends' scenario she had suggested until we were ready to talk about getting serious again.Now, unfortunately Sue had a terrible experience during her last month at school. She was sexually assaulted by A couple of guys she knew. Don't worry, her school has taken care of everything regarding tests and justice and therapy. Anyway, this has made me want to see her even more, not to take advantage of a hurt girl but to comfort her in any way I can. But then on the day we finally decided to meet (last week) she texts me and says shes doesn't think its a good idea to meet up and said "I know we both want to see each other but honestly I've been really afraid of any and all guys the past few weeks and I don't want to add you to the list of resentment". I was a little confused and hurt when she sent it at first. To me it seemed like she thought we were going to get sexual when we met up, which I had moved past at this point, I just really wanted to see her. It hurt because I had previously thought I was a guy she could trust above all else. I let it slide and told her she can take as much time as she wants to relax. Lucky for her shes been doing so the past week in Hawaii. However, she's been texting me about seeing me when she comes back next week and the texts have been very suggestive and sexual, I make sure to brush of each suggestion with a joke or one of these :P emoticons, don't judge, but knowing her it seems like she really wants to get sexual when she comes back.I'm sorry for the longwindedness of this question, but I'm confused and I don't know what I should do. I plan on meeting up with her when she gets back, but what if she comes on to me? I do still love this girl, but I want to protect our relationship and friendship to last, and I definitely don't want to be on her 'list of resentment'! Any thoughts!?
View related questions:
broke up, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, playitagain-sam +, writes (29 May 2013):
She's going through a trauma right now, so you don't want to rush anything with her, even if she pushes you. You're right to worry about having sex and then being on her list of resentments.
Try to approach it like a new relationship vs. a rekindling. In other words, don't jump into the sack with her right away. If she wants to start dating again and have a relationship, take it slow at first. No harm can come from taking it slow.
Anything that could later be interpreted as "taking advantage of her" is a bad idea following her recent abuse.
Also, encourage her to stick with the therapy.
|
