A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really angry with my sister. She copies everything I do to a sinister level. If she knows I am getting friendly with someone, she will swoop in when my back is turned and ‘poach’ them from me for want of a better word. For example, I started to become friendly with this lady on holiday but my sister started ‘accidentally’ bumping into her and became really good friends with this lady and froze me out completely. God only knows what my sister said to this woman because her and my sister were bullying me by the end of the holiday. My mum and dad witnessed the whole thing and never once said anything to my sister about her appalling behaviour because she can do no wrong in their eyes. Anyway, being a forgiving person and wanting a close relationship with my sister, I decided to start again with her. Anyway, recently I became a member of one of the networking sites. I started messaging a lad we used to go to school with many years ago and he invited me to his party. I mentioned this to my family and lo and behold out of the hundreds of people we have known she has become ‘friends’ with him. It also galls me that if I had asked my sister to this party she would have said no because I had asked her. She says no to every single suggestion I make to go out. If he had asked her and I hadn’t been there, I can bet you she would have gone to it. I noticed today when I mentioned that I had bumped into an old school friend that she looked annoyed that she hadn’t ‘got there first’.I also happened to mention that I had bumped into my ex-boyfriend’s brother last week who I get on well with. This evening she announces that she is now ‘friends’ with him on this networking site (I found out it was a lie) and even had the gall to say ‘I wonder if his brother (my ex) is on the site too’ suggesting that she wanted to be friends with him. I couldn’t believe the insensitivity of her. There was no hint of comprehension from her that I might find this hurtful, given the fact that my ex-boyfriend was immensely cruel to me to the point where I had considered suicide! I said he was too busy with his work and my mum said ‘well, not too busy to be having plenty of sex with his new girlfriend’. Yes, his Mum saw fit to tell my mum this. So, it seems I am surrounded by hugely insensitive people who have no comprehension as to people’s feelings and then when I get annoyed I get accused of ‘looking for a fight’. Yet, it constantly seems like they are trying to get a rise out of me.To top it all, I have now found out (via a file that my sister put on my computer without asking I might add) that a project I had in the pipeline she has again ‘poached’ off me and is now approaching all the people that I was going to. I am furious about it. Not only about that, I wonder if she is looking through my files. When I mentioned it to my parents, my Dad immediately defended HER by saying it was a shared computer. I said to him ‘when was this decided? I spent MY money buying the computer for my own use so in no way was it ever a shared computer! If this is a shared computer, then all who take it upon themselves to use my computer should share the cost’. At this point, Dad went silent. My Mum started defending her saying ‘I was just looking for a fight’. She told me to talk to her but I said to Mum ‘Whenever I try to talk to her, you always accuse me of having a go at her’. Mum then went silent.My sister treats every single comment I make as a cue for competition. I am sure part of the problem is she is vying to be centre of attention and for some reason is competing with me for Mum and Dad’s affections (although to be honest I think she ‘won’ that years ago).Are there any psychologists who can give me some clue as to what on earth my sister is playing at because I am starting to find it deeply disturbing yet my Mum and Dad refuse to advise me on what to do and instead have a go at me. or am I making too much fuss?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mandydefreitas  +, writes (19 December 2014):
Hello, your situation is a mirror of my own. I am 20 and haven't had much experience in life but I feel like this post is a perfect representation of my life up till now and where I see it headed. I read your last update and wonder if things have got better and if there is any advice you can give me on how you are handling your sister and family, thank you for posting
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (15 August 2008):
 Well then you are stuck there for awhile. I guess all you can do is just try to keep quiet about your business and don't give your sister any info. I hope you find work very soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Thanks for the replies. I am the original poster of the question. My sister doesn't live at home - she is just back for the holidays. I, however, was made redundant in March therefore have no money to move out. I have been actively looking for work ever since, to the point of making myself ill. My boyfriend and I hope to move in together but until I can find work and save some money I haven't a hope. I have never earnt enough to be able to live on my own as my wages have always been poor and we live in an affluent area. I did try to move out a year or so ago but with the money being charged to live somewhere I would only have had £50 or so a week to pay all my other bills with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): You Present as aged 30-35 and currently living in the UK. Eyeswideopen is right. Your too old to be living at home and fighting battles with your sister for friends and influence. Time to move out babes, you'll be so much happier when you find somewhere else. I bet your sister is a lot younger than you, and that's why she competes and gets defended by your parents. You need to stop telling them your business, you need to get control of your stuff, and put passwords on the computer, or lock it up in your room. Your life is now private, share it with your friends, but keep secrets from your family. This situation is not good for you, it's not good for your sister. She needs to find her own life, and you need to find yours. You and your family are much too close, there are no boundaries and everything is blurred. Move out as soon as you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): You Present as aged 30-35 and currently living in the UK. Eyeswideopen is right. Your too old to be living at home and fighting battles with your sister for friends and influence. Time to move out babes, you'll be so much happier when you find somewhere else. I bet your sister is a lot younger than you, and that's why she competes and gets defended by your parents. You need to stop telling them your business, you need to get control of your stuff, and put passwords on the computer, or lock it up in your room. Your life is now private, share it with your friends, but keep secrets from your family. This situation is not good for you, it's not good for your sister. She needs to find her own life, and you need to find yours. You and your family are much too close, there are no boundaries and everything is blurred. Move out as soon as you can.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 August 2008):
Are you still living at home? If so, you should get a place of your own, and take your computer. And stop telling your sister about everything that is going on in your life. The less she knows the less she can compete. Your family sounds like a royal pain in the ass.
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