A
male
age
41-50,
*ybera
writes:hi,i already asked a question earlier and got some good responses thanks.im going to change my question as i have had time to think.me and my g/f of 9 years have never had it easy as regards to our relationship. she is a very dishonest perosn and i think she lies too much.ive been just as bad latley as i have been spying on her messanger and trying to find out whats going on.i didnt want to do it but its the only way i could find out the truth.problem is ignorance is bliss :(i wish i didnt know now.shes not mentioned what she has done but has made some definite statments."i thought about being straight about my whole life but i bottled it because i have to much to loose""im a f******n amazing liar"so she has admitted being a liar, all i want is the truth, if she did that then i would probably forgive her (again) and get on with it.im going nuts, i tried to tell her today that i have been spying on her and approach her about what ive read, but im too sacred and i think ill lose her all together and i love her so much, alternativly i keep quiet and pretend its not happening, but its driving me nuts.i now believe that whatever i do our relationship is going to end soon anyway.should i confront her and lose her or keep quiet and loose her. its eating me up inside imagining what shes lieing to me about. ive been lying to her sayin i trust her and then spying on her suppose that makes me just as bad.plz helpthank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2008): It all depends on how much you trust her.For me, as long as my partner speaks the truth to me, I don't care how others are treated.I might sounds dumb but that is all I want from my partner. Just like Shipwreckd, I only need compassion and honesty.
A
male
reader, Shipwreckd  +, writes (30 July 2008):
 You're locked in an acidic, abusive relationship from what it sounds like. I feel for ya. It's so bad that you feel co-dependant on it. I used to date a girl like that and, believe me, I'd been running for the hills if I saw that ever come my way again.
Every relationship is comprised of three major components: Trust, Compassion, and Communication. It's obvious that you have very little trust for her. She doesn't treat you with any compassion. Finally, neither of you are communicating effectively. In a good relationship, both parties should be able to freely express themselves and what's on their mind. No lies.
You have further breached the trust of the relationship by spying on her. That can't make you feel good. I know because I was that person once upon a time.
Confront her. Openly. Honestly. Don't let up. You Deserve - The - Truth!!! You will never have a working relationship with a liar. You will never have a working relationship as long as you're suspicious of her. Do you honestly want to keep dating a liar? If so, you get what you paid for. You can do better than that, and something in me tells me that you know that already...otherwise you wouldn't be here.
Have respect for yourself. Drop it like it's hot. You can do better than that.
Good luck!
"I always give such very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." - Alice In Wonderland
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