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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My gf sent me this text and idk what she's getting at I'm a bit afraid to ask her because I get a bad vibe from reading it here's the text "Tummy, I don't want you to feel obligated to tolerate me ok? We aren't bound to eachother... Ok? o.o" oh she calls me tummy btw
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (20 December 2012):
 I'm inclined to agree with Red591 in that she is trying to break up as gently as she can.
A
female
reader, Red591  +, writes (20 December 2012):
 that sounds like she wants out but is doing the "you are so much better off without me" as it removes some guilt from her. It is better than her just disappearing as a lot of other people do. You cannot control what she does but you can control your reaction. Here is what you do:when she calls to break up or text to break up or whatever, this is your response:"You know I am so glad you said this because i have been feeling like we are not good for each other either. You mean the world to me and I wish you the very best"This will cause one of two things to happen.1- she stops the sympathy confusion talk and begs you not to go as you have displayed a backbone and confidence which is very desirable.2-she leaves and you keep something more valuable than gold YOUR DIGNITY. she may even think back after you are gone and think she made a mistake because you took it so well. (BTW if she does break it off and you respond how i told you, NO attempts to contact her at all unless to retrieve personal items. This is the only way this will work to keep your dignity or possibly make her want you back....if you even want her by the time she comes back lol)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): It looks as though she's aiming to dump you but is looking to excuse herself in the gentlest way possible. Its like she's implying she's a burden on you, and finishing things would be the best thing for you, rather than her.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 A message such as you've described is the beginning of a dumping.... (her, of YOU!!!!).... Brace yourself for the second shoe!!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): Geeze. I'm a Mother of 20 year old and 18 year old daughters. My youngest, the extraverted one, tends to lean more towards the 'drama' side of things. This is one of those even though she says don't pity me and we aren't in a committed relationship- its emotionaly manipulation aka games. *sighs*
Your GF must be feeling low on herself and her life for her to play the PITY ME card. She also wants reassurance that you love her.
But instead of honest and direct communication, she uses this tatic of poor and confusing communication.
I'm more of a straight shooter so I would rather say I'm not having a good day today, I'm feeling bleak and lowly and I could need a hug and some loving to my finace. But 40 years and wisdom allows for me to be HONEST, FAIR, and SPEAK WHAT I MEAN AND ASK FOR WHAT I NEED. It requires a humble and sincere heart that hopefully, your GF will learn in time.
Shoot back to her, that when she texts you such texts, you feel cornered and it makes you feel unhappy to hear she may be unhappy. Does she need a hug? Or does she need to talk out her feelings until she feels better. THEN, listen to her rant, she may sound like she's not making sense but this is a process us Females go through to discover what is bothering us. At this point in the moment of our life- we do tend to get, life is overwhelming EMOTIONALLY so we will worry, anger, hurt over anything we can think of. Once this 20 minute to 40 minute venting is over (all you have to do at this point is listen and ask questions repeating something she said, or even say that would make me feel mad too) and she will feel better and back in control of her life.
If you can acheive this at a younger age, to be this for a young woman- you will be WAY AHEAD of the men in my age grouping.
;)
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 I agree with Honeypie... She probably thinks that you pity her...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 December 2012):
 My guess? She thinks you are with her out of pity or because there is no one "better" at the moment. Or' it's a passive-aggressive dig because you don't pay enough attention to her perhaps? Hard to say, I don't know her, you or how your relationship works.
YOU need to have a good SIT down FACE-TO-FACE and talk with her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): The only way to know is to ask her. We can't tell you what she means. You're the one who's in a relationship with her, not us, so it's your job to ask her.
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