A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'd like to share my problem and I need your help. I'm not going to tell the 8 years worth of story so I'll try to keep this very short. Okay so me and my ex got back together after 6 years. I broke it off due to unavoidable circumstances. We've been back together for about 2+ months fyi. It's been that long and we still love each other a lot. On the first date night after we got back together, i had a really amazing dinner with her and we really kicked it off and when we were on our way back, we kissed. That kiss was so incredibly and beautifully intense I grabbed her bottom and we just continued on. I mean come on it's been 6 years what did you expect anyways? Later when I was sending her home, she got mad at me for grabbing her and said that I made her feel cheap. She even said she didn't want to be with me anymore and that she hated me but she still loves me, she said so herself. I was caught by surprise with that statement and I told her my intentions and why I came back. I've made it clear to her during our first 2+ months that I want to marry her because it is what we both want and now she's saying she has doubts on what I say and do (because she thinks that my only intention was to get in her pants) for fear that I would leave her again. She even said she wanted it but she's afraid that I would leave her again. I have been secretly doing something to prepare for the future for the both of us and I have the best of intentions to take care, love her and provide for her. I do feel that I was a bit wrong in doing that but I don't think it's justifiable to say that I will be leaving her again and I only wanted to get in her pants because I know for sure I won't as I really want to build a life with her and I've been working on it for the past few years.And now we haven't talked for a day and I am very distraught. I love her and she loves me as well and I don't want to ruin this beautiful relationship I have with her and I will do anything in my power to regain her trust again. Please everyone, tell me what I did wrong and tell me what I should do, doesn't matter if I was wrong or right. I just want her back. Please guide me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): Were you together 2 and separate 6 or together 8 and separate 6?And you can't be faithful to a relationship you aren't in, stop counting the 6 years as part of your relationship, you need to get to know who you are now, how you've both changed, and don't talk marriage until it's been a sensible amount of time.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2015): Hi YouWish,
I'm the OP.
Thank you so much for the reply. That was very very very insightful. However, i'd like to point out that she and i both want to marry each other so badly. And no, i didn't cheat on her when we were together and we didn't break up because of that. I've stayed faithful to her for 6 years we weren't together and she did the same as well.
Yes i do feel it's wrong to do that. It's been so long and she did admit missing doing all those stuff with me too. I felt so bad of doing that to her, i was just so caught up in the moment and i just hope that she understands that. I do feel disgusted by myself and i was dreading over it so much.
Again, thank you for your insights. That is very helpful. From now on i'll treat this like a new relationship. And do keep posting if you have anything to add. I am ready to make things right. Wish us luck
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (14 February 2015):
 Like YouWish said, you've both changed in 6 years (hopefully) and need to treat the relationship as such, as in, start from the beginning.
You need to resolve any issues from the past relationship and agree to begin again (from scratch) with this one. Stop rushing things; you don't want to marry her, you want to marry your fantasy version of her, just like she loves the fantasy version of you.
Get to know each other *slowly* again.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (14 February 2015):
 What you did was assume you could pick up where you left off. You came on much too strong and got too sexual on the first date. She got dramatic with the "I hate you but I love you" crap, but you blew it there.
You can NOT think in terms of "We've been together for 8 years, or we got back together after 6 years". You must think in terms of starting all over again. That was Date 1. You don't go getting all grabby on Date 1 or she WILL think you got into her pants. It also sounded like you left her to begin with, so there's that to deal with before getting all handsy.
Not only that, but since you should treat this like Date 1, why are you pulling out the Marriage talk now? That sounds flaky and manipulative in light of the fact that yo left to begin with as well as you got grabby on Date 1. People start talking love and marriage too soon, and it DOES sound like a cheap line.
If you want her, you must treat this as a NEW relationship, which in fact, it is.
If you want to show her that you don't think she is cheap, then SLOW DOWN, Romeo. Date her. Don't get handsy until SHE invites you to. No breasts, privates, buttocks, none of that.
That being said, she also needs to treat this like a new relationship instead of all the old hurts from 6 years ago, UNLESS you cheated on her 6 years ago.
Have a date where you can talk out the past and the end of the OLD relationship, and both of you need to resolve that what you have is something NEW, not old. This means that the old stuff is from the old relationship, and that you both will take the time to build a NEW relationship.
You both were teenagers the first time around, meaning immaturity on both parts was the order of the day. If she is bent on not being sure if she wants to be with her, then walk away now. However, even if you feel like she's the one and you want to marry her, don't START with that talk, or it sounds suspicious. You wouldn't do that with someone you didn't have a history with, and you shouldn't do it now.
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