A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I recently met a man on holiday. We became friends and had some good fun but no sex although he kept giving out clear remarks thats what he wanted.He gave me his home address and e mail, and we emailed a few times. He came to the city where I live on a training day then suggested we met for a quick bite to eat before he went back to where he lived. During this meal he said he loved flirting with the women on the course. I didnt know why he bothered to meet up with me just to talk about that-he hardly mentioned the holiday!!!When he returned to his home he e amiled me and said it was nice having a chin wag and seeing me again how much he had enjoyed his training day flirting. We e- mailed a few times then he said he didnt want a relationship and he said "there would be no further meetings between us becasue I wanted more than he did".he said "when I got offended by his talks on flirting he realised I wanted more." Now he has stopped e mailing me completely and it seems as if whatever little we had - is all over!!!I feel upset becasue he tried to have sex on holiday and got cross becasue I didnt-then wants to meet me after his course although he said he couldnt stop long as he had a ferry to catch. (true) I could understand it if he had sex with me then decided he had got what he wanted THEN dumped me (like some men do) but he hasnt - so why has he dumped me before even ever having sex? I have been dumped after sex before but never before a man hasnt had sex even when he wanted it all holiday!!! we have so much in common several things we are similar and by coincidence i own a holiday flat just two miles from where he lives which I have had years (but dont go over very often and havent since holiday as I didnt want to look as if I was pestering him)- he is single because his wife died two years ago and I have his home address and number. I am not after his property. I own three of my own so its not as if I am scaring him that way or with marriage - I lost my property when I got divorced before and have built my own "empire" up which he knows about so I am hardly going to marry someone just to maybe lose it all again - so why is he so scared???? Why doesnt he want to try sex with me now and THEN dump me if that is what he normally does? as he said he doesnt want a relationship???? Does this mean he wants several one night stands??? If that is the case then why am I not part of his scenario??? If he has met someone and wants me out then why not e mail and say so or if he wants me out cant he pretend he has emt someone and say so???On holiday he said he wished he was better looking (becasue he thought I had rejected him (it wasnt that i am NOT easy meat) I have since told him this and said - I do find him attractive etc etc-so he knows that.WHAT did I do or go wrong???? I am upset because I am so confused over it all. Please spell it out and what I did????
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divorce, flirt, on holiday, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Oh gosh, I agree with wonderful advice below. You have been given amazing insight. Now here are my thoughts. First, a question for you. Why are you blaming yourself?? I don't understand you smart, wonderful, independent women who do this!? They agonize over crap like this. This is a liofe learning experience, hun and I want to say...The man was a cad!! Don't you get that? I will clearly spell this out. "He only wanted to boink you, have sex, he wanted to to use you as his little personal temporary sperm depository!!" There I said it. And it all was there,, right in front of you. At least you walked away from this with your self-respect intact, hun.
I read an awesome quote about your secenario. so take note. "Water and self-esteem seek their own level" which means, you were with a ass who treated you horribly, all because you said NO to sex. What amazes me is that your statement, "WHAT did I do or go wrong???? I am upset because I am so confused over it all" is clearly telling me that you don't think much of yourself and the awesome possibilities in your life. You need to find a way to build your self-love--it's far too low. Give all this crap back to him and do the right thing. Muster up your pride, shake him off, stop being weak...move on, grow, change take on better challenges but look in the mirror and truely learn to love yourself for the gorgeous lady you are. In a few months, (hopefully sooner) when your sensibilities come back and you think with your head, you will be thanking your lucky stars, you didn't allow this guy to do what he planned to do with you. Keep on the right path,' hun, and always insist that when you date, you deserved to be treated with respect. Accept nothing else and remember, choose wisely in the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): Hello
I went through something similar once. What I did, although it is up to you of course, I wrote to him and ended it officially, just to keep some pride. This man does not sound very nice to be honest, and I feel you could do a lot better. I think if you had had sex with him, then he would have been off looking for his next conquest, my guess is he probably hasnt been turned down before and probably not met anyone as nice as you and he is dumbfounded. Look at this wsay if you write and end your friendship officially, if he lets you go so easily then you know the answer, he didnt even want you as a friend, however I am NOT promising but it might just might make him sit up and realise what a good thing he has lost. Worth a try, you have nothing to lose!
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for this yes I have just read several with similar problems. It seems these holiday "romances" are just nonsence in most cases.
It seems a pity these men cannot be more upfront with their questions and answers at the time and more truthful.
I feel sad this guy did want to stay friends with me but when he knew I had feelings that was it. I didnt say he had to return them though
thanks
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 July 2008):
You are the third person to ask this question. It's always the same.
1. Meet him on holiday and he wants sex
2. Come home and email
3. He doesn't want a relationship when he realises there is no easy sex.
You asked me to spell it out so I will.
He's an idiot. He got turned down on holiday, so he tries it again when he comes home. Failing to get sex from you he then just wants to be mates.
The fact that you have developed feelings for him is (in his mind) entirely your problem. So he ends it.
Be glad that he's cut contact. He's an absolute moron who's just out for what he can get.
Good Luck!! xx
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