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female
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anonymous
writes: I really need some opinion on this case. My husband is impotent with me at the last fews years. He has no desire, and finally when we try to have sex he stays soft. But not because he is MEDICALLY SICK... He had all the medical check ups, he is not sick. And he has these enormous erections when he sleeps. Nobody knows apparently what is wrong with him.Now, he says he really doesn't know.. What am I supposed to think, what is wrong? How am I supposed react to this? He says he loves me and I should be patient, but it's several years now that he's been like this and I'm so puzzled. What can be the reason, and how am I supposed to react to this? Sometimes I just really can't see how it will resolve. It is a 26 years long marriage, it would be terrible, to blow it up. What can I DO to save this marriage? And what can he do? Any suggestion would be great. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): The other suggestion I forgot to mention - since he's having reliably strong erections in his sleep, and you're aware of them, take advantage of them! Get going while he's hard, and you can wake him up to a wonderful revived intimacy with you. He won't have to worry about getting hard - he'll already be there ;-). Your job at that point will be to convince him that you're VERY happy with what he's giving you, and that will help reinforce the idea that there's still PLENTY of life in your mutual sexings.
Good luck, and try this on that suggested vacation!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2008): If he has strong, persistent erections when he's sleeping (which all physically health men do; it's a kind of self-check), then his issues are all mental. For whatever reason, he's lost his desire for you, and it shows in his (lack) of response. Is he under stress of any kind? Consistent stress and anxiety will rob a man of the desire to be sexual - he feels he's got more important/worrisome matters to think about.If you all haven't had a relaxing long weekend away from the house and all its 'real world' cares, now's more than past time. Spend the first couple of days just unwinding and getting in touch with each other again, then try some MILDLY sexual flirting and playing on the last day. That, and some real conversations on that last, relaxed day on what's up with the state of your union. He may think he's shielding you from troubles, as a good husband should - why burden you with his problems? Up to you to convince him otherwise.Best of luck, and plan that vacation SOON!
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (21 December 2008):
 First of all, has he been taking prescription medications? Particularly for hypertension? Although I would not want to jump to any conclusions, I must also wonder whether you have seen any evidence that your husband watches pornography, or if you have any indication that he masturbates.
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