A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So this may sound like a familiar topic but I am a male who struggles with women. I have struggled my whole life but it seems like women just have absaloute zero interest in me. I can talk to them, I joke with them usually in a sarcastic form (not anything insulting) and make them all laugh but at the end of the night I am not the guy they end up kissing it ends up being someone who in 5 mins of talking to them is making out with them. And this is just depressing me now, I actually cant go on a night out anymore without feeling like shit at the end of the night (I know people are going to throw confidence here but I dont moap around near girls) and this has gotten to the point where I havent even kissed a girl in 2 years. This is further annoyed with people I hang around with always getting lucky here and they dont seem to be doing anything drastically different from me. Ive thought it may be my appearance but my female friends say I am not ugly so I just dont know what it is.It doesnt seem to be confidence, I dont seem to be clingy or desperate looking, I dont distance myself from people and I dont appear to be that unnatractive so what in the world is it? And also when exactly do I kiss a girl? If I've been making her laugh all night and have been dancing with her and such when do I go in for a kiss? Please dont say "their eyes will show you" or other characteristics because that's just far too cliche. It's just getting to the point where I dont want to go out at all anymore because I know by the end of the night I'll be unhappy.And if you are going to the answer I'd appreciate it greatly if you didnt say "oh dont worry" or "there's always someone around the corner." and other cliches because I will still worry and Im not that optimistic to believe tommorow the women of my dreams will appear from nowhere. I apologise if I sound rude for saying that but Im just at a point beyond the cliches and I would really appreciate an answer.
View related questions:
confidence, kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): If you say a compliment like it's a joke, of course it won't work!
A proper compliment only comes across as desperate if you feel/sound desperate. If you feel weak inside, it won't work. If you are the man, it will work (on girls with high self esteem).
It is the same thing with giving flowers. It depends on who gives them. Flowers from a nervous guy makes her feel uncomfortable. Flowers from a confident guy makes her day.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Illithid I dont know what the rating is for attractiveness but as an example last night a girl I was talking with all night (making them laugh, dancing with them etc) ended up making out with some other guy who apparently is not as attractive as me so I dont know if it's the rating system.
And I dont know what a preppy is? I dress in usually a T-shirt and Jeans.
@anon
Im sure that's far too desperate. It's also hard to joke about. I may say they're cute or something similar in joking fashion but to say "I like you." seems a bit desperate.
...............................
A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 All I can tell you is that I'm in the same boat. But I did get pretty far with a girl that started off as friends and morphed naturally into a three year relationship. It didn't work out, and the next one might not either, but one will one day. It's a numbers game and even if we fail twenty times for every one girl that kisses us, our only shot is to keep trying.
You're out there, you're trying, you've already got all the answers (appear confident, make them laugh, don't be clingy, keep going out, etc). We both just have to keep trying.
All I can think of is: what type of girls are you chasing? It's possible that either you're going after girls that are out of your league (even if you're an 8, a 10 might not be interested) or are the wrong personality (if you look like a preppy, you won't get goth girls, etc) or are maybe just hanging out in the wrong sort of night spot. Mix it up a little. If what you're going (clothes, opening lines, conversation topics, parties you go to, which girls you hit on) isn't working, try something else.
But just keep trying. My fiancée dumped me and couldn't even tell me why, but I'm picking myself up and dusting myself off and getting back out there.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Have you tried coming straight out and saying 'I like you' (or some other compliment), like you are the chooser? If you say it non-nervously, she will respond well if she has decent self esteem. If she doesn't, she is not so good.
...............................
A
male
reader, MB_88 +, writes (29 October 2009):
 I am just like you.
I find that if you be yourself (I know this sounds cliché but it's the truth) there is someone out there who will see you for who you are. I used to use this website and others all the time. If it makes your feel any better, most women our age (i.e. 18-21) see guys the same age as being immature, it's true.
You just wait, you will find someone who likes you for who you are, that you can make laugh all the time and who appreciates you for your intellect and your overall personality - looks aren't everything!!!!
...............................
|
