A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi all, ok so i was going to write a long post about the issues between me and my partner but instead first i would like to hear some view points on sex and i would like if possible equal input from men and women, women... how important is it to feel emotionally stable within your relationship, to feel appreciated, loved, taken care of, to have the little things done within a relationship(nights out, dinners, cinema, movie at home, massage, walks on the beach, candle lit bath made for you after long day etc) and if you dont feel these things does it affect your sex drive???? if ye only manage time for quickies do ye get bored frustrated that instead of long lengthy touchy sex, that its just quick before the kids wake up?? does that leave you less inclined to have sex, is stress an issue does it affect your sex drive if so how, men... sex is priority and so it should be but what is a good sex life to ye, what within the sex life is important to you what do ye want love what makes it soo good in your eyes??.. views on blowjobs guys how many a week is a good number, is your partner not swallowing a huge deal, do ye like the more romantic sex as much as the quickies, do ye need sex everyday? once a week? four times a week? do you get upset if your partner is having an off week sex once instead of four times, what do you need from us women to be sexually content.. i know everyone is different but i guess what im trying to do here is figure out roughly what is the norm wishes needs wants for both men and women who are in a long term relationship..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (10 March 2013):
 Sex to me is like a creative outlet. I like role playing, outdoors, different locations, even a little bit of S&M. I even went to a swingers club a couple of times, but just as a voyeur. Swinging is not my thing, but I don't mind watching other people and have other people observe me. I do it with the lights on and the curtains open...lol...very exciting for me. I'm a bit strange for my gender (I may be wrong about this)...I actually prefer quickies to the long drawn out act, but I'm open to all types of sex. The reason for this is that first of all I really enjoy sex, and secondly I've had different types of lovers who taught me or introduced me new and exciting ways of experiencing pleasure.
The lovers I liked the most were the ones who were willing to experiement with different ways of experiencing pleasure, but not stuck on a certain type of fetish. For example, there was one guy I dated who could only get excited with the master slave type scenario. While this is exciting, I got bored and frustrated when this was the only way he could do it. Variety is what is important to me.
With regards to romance, it depends on how you define it. I'm not a flowers kind of woman. When my man calls me after a long, hard day at work and tells me he can't wait to get home and **** me, I get totally excited. When he still desires me like that after being together a long time, it makes me feel good.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (9 March 2013):
 This submittal ALMOST got me to submit one of my protracted diatribes (boring reading.... I assure you) .... HOWEVER, I came to my senses (before I composed it).... and decided that THIS is plenty to say about the matter:
IF/when two people are choosing to have a "relationship".. it's CRITICAL that sexual compatability be one of those (compatabilities) which is a match.... Failing that, all bets are off....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (9 March 2013):
 I think it depends whats going on in the rest of your life sometimes. sometimes life gets in the way of long sex and all you have time for is a quickie. better than nothing! I like all the romantic stuff but I also enjoy having a good sex life. men are definitely more attractive when they are being romantic so I suppose that increases sex drive...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2013): Good sex life to me is regular sex, varied sex (slow, loving steady + rapid fire quickie + role play etc.), keeping my partner satisfied is exceptionally important to me (huge ego boost and I feel like a "real" man having a partner that is sexually fulfilled).
Blow jobs are non-negotiable but so is giving her head, without those there is no relationship. 2+ times a week is how much I get and I give almost every time we have sex and other times too so about 5-7 a week.
How often we have sex varies a lot. It's been over 7 years now since we got together, sometimes we may go a fortnight without intercourse or even longer, other times we want sex 2-3 times a day. it depends on mood, illness, stress, etc. But I've never felt sexually frustrated in my relationship, both of us are willing to give pleasure even if we're not in the mood, we both feel a duty to each other in that respect.
Swallowing means nothing, what she chooses to do after I cum is her business, she's giving me pleasure and she loves to do it, but I only care that she does. How she does, how she cleans up is all up to her, whatever's easiest for her to do.
"do you get upset if your partner is having an off week sex once instead of four times"
Not at all. I'll just go have a wank. She's not my warm fuck toy, she's my love and she gives me sex as a gift if she's not in the mood but she only does so because she knows I'll respect no, and often won't even try it on when I know she's not the mood, I'll just be very affectionate instead, I just don't get guys who are only affectionate as a means to get sex. I can't remember the last time I initiated when she was in a non-sexual phase. I don't really feel the need to as she will still give me head and is so good at it that it takes only 2-3 minutes. She actually doesn't get why women who aren't feeling sexy won't just go down on him, almost all guys would be okay with a dry spell if they were getting some head and done right it only takes a couple of minutes. She thinks women like that just want him to share how they feel instead of making a minimum effort to keep him happy.
Look she knows I want her even if I don't initiate, we may not have sex fro a fortnight and I may not initiate but I'll still need her held close to me, I still want to cuddle and smell/play with her hair and kiss her on the forehead etc.
I make sure that she knows she's desired and sexy, and I know that initiating sex and getting pissed off that she doesn't respond is not the only way to show that.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (9 March 2013):
 It sounds like you are making a check list. I get 3 romantic gestures a week in exchange for which, you will get 3 blows. This is the reason that accounting is not considered a sexy profession. You are approaching this question all wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I do think that couples should have an understanding, and agreement about sexual needs and expectations. I just don't think that a statistical norm has any bearing on that understanding. The biggest reason to leave normal out of the discussion is because normal doesn't exist. And even if it did exist it wouldn't apply.
So to answer your question the number you are looking for is "enough". Enough romantic dates to make you feel secure and loved. Enough sex of enough kinds to make him feel desired and appreciated.
One other thing, That number is going to change. much more frequently than many will believe.
FA
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