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female
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anonymous
writes:Iv been seeing this man a few times and we get on really well,he told me that he found me very attractive and intelligent.Now my problem is this,a couple of times he has said that i would look better without my fringe and to cut my hair shorter and eat a better diet so that my hair will look more healthy,i thought my hair was ok? No one else has commented on it so im a bit baffled on his remarks.I would of thought he liked me the way i was, do i need to change for him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, {*HyPa~AzN~hUnNiE~*} +, writes (10 February 2007):
 you should tell him how u feel, and u dont like him critising u, if it carrys on tell him straight..."im not gonna change the way i look, if you dont like it find someone else"
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice everyone and iv decided not to change my hair because when i asked my friends for their opinion they said that i had nice hair,i did feel that it was a critisim on my boyfriend's part because it wasn't just the hair,he also said that i should lose the eye makeup as well,although my eyes are my best feature and i dont wear that much mascara he liked me natural.I think it might be a control thing im not sure.Come to think of it the last time i saw him i dont remember him complimenting me just to change my appearence,should i dump him? i get the feeling that he's going to say it again and its making my self esteem hit an all time low...i shouldn't feel like that even though im very attracted to my boyfriend.
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female
reader, Darlene  +, writes (6 January 2007):
 it's only been a couple of dates.don't do anything too hasty.if he didn't like what he saw there wouldn't have been a first date.be careful hair will grow back but if
he's a control freak.honey you might want to stand back
and take a good look at him.you might find a few things
about him you don't like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2007): This is a strange one, it seems odd that if you have only seen him a few times and he is commenting about your hair, he is kind of blowing it with you by criticizing you?
To be fair though, I have seen some pretty bad hair cuts on people that did nothing to bring out their best features, is this guy in the fashion industry or work with hair and makeup? Maybe he just thinks he knows hair and what would look best on you and is tryingn to be helpful, a lot of young girls wear their hair in some pretty dramatic styles that are attention getting but not always in the right way, so I don't know if this applies to you, but if you have an extreme hair style you may want to ask yourself if you are making the kind of impression YOU want to make and if you are then fine, keep the hair, but if you are not too sure about it, then try a change if YOU want to do so....if he does not make a habit of re-making you all of the time then maybe he is just particular about hair....he obviously thinks you are pretty and smart and he likes you in spite of the hair, so maybe I would not make a big deal about it....but if it bothers you, tell him that it does....and then he will no better next time to try and pick at you over your hair....
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc +, writes (6 January 2007):
 THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS: Sweetie, you are fine just the way you are. What the heck attracted him to you in the first place? EXACTLY! Some men tend to appear to be secure with themselves when they are really not. Maybe, just maybe, he wants to change you....so he (and only he) can keep you. He liked your hair just fine and also your "diet"....geeze. Honey, maybe just maybe, he wants to change to to something that is not so appealing to the opposite sex. You caught his eye. Why screw with perfection? Just be you. Don't second guess yourself. You got him didn't you?... Uh huh.
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (6 January 2007):
 My bf said the same thing about me....not my hair style, but my hair color. I had all of those wild hair colors...like blue and purple. But when I put natural hair die on, I liked it alot better.
Sounds like he knows something about hair..and diet! Maybe he might be a hair stylist, you never know
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): dont ever ever ever change for anyone but yourself! if you are happy the way you are now then stay that way.If this man doesnt like you for who you are then you are betta of without him sister :)
be you and someone will fall for the natural you.
always chnage for youself never anyone else
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A
female
reader, sweetiegirl  +, writes (5 January 2007):
 ok this is odd but see how this sounds to you next time he says anything about your hair ask him why he thinks you should do it, give him time to answer then say to him that your happy with the way you look and you don't want to change it. if he understands then that's cool but if he doesn't then just tell him that you don't like the idea of him telling you how you should look, you've only dated him a few times and if he seems like alright guy then hear him out and see what he has to say, just don't come down to hard on him, now i know that seems odd but if you like him then it could be just a simple thanks but no thanks on your part.
hope that helps
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A
female
reader, CarrieMagdelene +, writes (5 January 2007):
 Dear writer, Hm...That's indeed mind boggling. But my advice is to deal with your hair as you please. Inform him that you really like your hair and that you'd rather leave it be. Trust me on this. After seeing my current boyfriend for a few weeks, the topic of hair came up and he said I'd look really hot with my hair short. I came to him the next day with my hair up to my shoulders and layered slightly, and his jaw hit the floor. You must understand that my hair was to my hips before I cut it. 'You cut your hair!?' I felt very hurt and confronted him about it, and here's his reply 'I said you'd look hot with short hair, but I didn't say you weren't already hot!' And since, my hair has been to my shoulders, and I'm planning on growing it out again.
Plus, if this relationship doesn't work out...You just hacked off your locks for nothing. Enjoy life! -Carrie
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007):
Alright, I am going to say it- Jimmy Stewart in "Vertigo"
On the plus side he seems very attentive. I'd wait until he start dressing you in his dead wifes clothes before I paniced.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (5 January 2007):
 What a bizarre man you're dating. Why is he so focused in on your hair? That's a little creepy. If you don't want to change your hair, you don't have to. It's YOUR hair. You can have it done however you'd like. I'll bet it looks great right now.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (5 January 2007):
 You dont have to change for anybody. Since you dont want to change yourself, just tell him thanks for the suggestions but you disagree.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2007): He sounds a bit controlling and I hear the alarm bells. You should just do with your hair what you want and as long as you are happy with your body, so should he! I would run a mile if I was you!
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A
female
reader, {*HyPa~AzN~hUnNiE~*} +, writes (5 January 2007):
hes only concerned about you and wants you to perfect. but if you dont want to change then you dont have to because its up to you if you want to change the way you look or not. if he keeps saying it tell him you like the way you are and you dont want to change, im sure he'll understand
:)
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