A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone. Your help is needed - again! My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years of being together. I have a son (12) from my previous marriage and he has two lads (13 and 17). We didn't live together so the split wasn't messy. My feelings for him changed last summer and when he was on holiday, I really didn't miss him. I told him how I felt and the relationship somehow continued until just before Christmas when we split up. He really wanted to make another go of it and we got back together in January - only to split again mid-February. I don't know what changed within me - I felt like we were just a relationship of habit and plodding along. I have always been the organiser in the relationship and suppose I felt taken for granted.Anyway, we split up in February which was my decision. Since then, he's contacted me a few times and wanted to sort things out between us.We have seen each other a few times over the last few weeks due to a mutual friend's death which was terrible and somehow made me question whether I'd done the right thing in ending the relationship. He's an honest and genuine guy and we get along great -there just seemed to be something missing - the spark, feeling special - I don't know.We have met up today and he has said that his feelings for me have now changed and that at this moment, he has now got over our split and doesn't love me anymore - which means now we are both in the same situation.He does, however, still care for me greatly and still wants us to try and get back what we once had. And, to be honest - there still seems to be something left with me but I'm not sure it's enough to make the relationship a success.Has anyone else felt the same? Could it work out if we started right at the very beginning again or now that something is lost, is it lost forever?Help - as I don't know what to do for the best - there are kids involved overall and I don't want to be in this mess again in six months time if we try and make a go of things and it doesn't work out. Any help, much appreciated.Many thanks.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 July 2007):
 I don't see how two people who don't love each other anymore might still want to restart a relationship, particularly if we consider that you found it to be a habit. So, I think there's more than just "caring" here; maybe you did have a good thing going and being apart seems worse than being together.
I think that some things are lost forever. You'd be starting anew, in a way, but you would not be writing on a blank page.
I believe that, when you love someone, you don't have to think about it. So, your taking the time to make a decision makes me think there isn't that much of love after all.
If you do want to try, think hard, and consider this to be an opportunity to build something new. Yes, you know each other well, but you can make it interesting this time; you can play by other rules. Otherwise, it will be boring to death again.
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): Really, what's the point of trying again? You tell us you split just before Christmas and then got back together for about a month and a half.
You say he is a good person and you get on well together, but you feel there is no longer any spark. Not only that, but you feel you were just plodding along.
Its probably better not to try again, and take it that whatever you once had has now faded. This is not to pass judgment on either of you: it just happens sometimes that in the long run a relationship doesn't work; runs out of steam, etc., and there comes a parting of the ways.
Overall, it sounds as though you yourself think it best, given your doubts, to just let it go.
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A
male
reader, Alexander  +, writes (6 July 2007):
This is a comment and not an advise.
"Create sparkles in this relationship by your own!"
I get that I'm taken for granted many times. But I don't really care about that. I feel that loving others is a beautiful thing. And I just love and contribute to other every moment. Will this make a relationship beautiful and touching?
I think you have the answer. A relationship that waiting someone to do something is so tiring, boring and even lots of upset. If you turn "waiting" to "giving", relationships became beautiful.
Do you think "2 couples giving love to each other everyday" inspiring or "2 couples waiting for each other to love" is more inspiring? You continuing giving your love will move him to give his love as well.
Whether you want the relationship, you know the answer. No one knows better than you.
Thanks for contributing your story. I feel that you are a great woman for others. Start giving and don't wait. You can cause one beautiful relationship.
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