A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been friends with a guy for about 5 years, we don't see each other all the time, probably once or twice a month, but he's almost always the one I call when I get in trouble or need someone to talk to etc.It's quite clear he would like more than friendship but respects our friendship enough to have never pushed it.I am attracted to him, not like that "wow huge spark" feeling of someone you first meet and are attracted to, more a comfortable way.He is pretty much everything I would want in a guy, tall, strong, reliable, fun, talkative, knows how to treat a girl etc.I have had a fair few relationships in the past few years that haven't come to more than lasting a few months, because they've been immature, or unreliable, or basically a loser...I've been considering taking my friend up on taking things to more than friendship, but I'm really scared that because we've been friends so long, things will be hard to move from friends to more, and if things don't go right, losing a really good friend...What would you guys do in my shoes??
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 All you need to ask yourself is this:
When you're 40 years old or whatever later age...how would you feel if 1) you never did anything about this, or 2) you went for it and it didn't work out?
If you can't stand the thought of always wondering what if...then go for it. It might not work, you might lose a friend but I think that taking action now is better than living a life wondering what if.
You also need to ask yourself if you have true, genuine feelings for him or if you're simply doing this because he's so reliable and so different from all the other guys you've dated. Ask yourself if you do have that romantic attraction to him. The last thing you want is to take him up on his offer and within two months realize that you don't really have feelings for him...you will just hurt him this way.
People always say that things like this are not worth doing because it will ruin a friendship. I think that if a friendship goes deep it can definitely withstand this. I don't think we should live with regrets and wondering what if. Life is to be lived, you only get one chance.
A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (6 February 2010):
Hmmm. Well this is a tough one. I have been in your shoes. I got really sick of dating and started to look at one of my best guy friends in a more appreciative way. We tried dating, but it never really got off the ground. The "wow huge spark" was missing... and that's kind of important. However, the good news is that we were quite honest with each other through the process... and it didn't damage our friendship. We are still friends.
I say give it a try. If the spark ignites... then you have a wonderful relationship. If it doesn't but you stay honest throughout the process and respect each other, well then you still stay friends.
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A
female
reader, Anon202020 +, writes (6 February 2010):
It is so impossible these days to find a person who you feel comfortable with... who you can call to share a laugh or share a tear.
Now, if you have that person AND also have an attraction to them (even if it's not a huge spark) then you have something great to start with!
Yes, there is always the risk that it might not work etc etc.... BUT! What about the more positive... what if it does work! and you land up having a beautiful relationship together.... no matter how long it lasts. Is that not enough of a reason? Life is too short for all the 'what ifs". Yes, friendship is a beautiful thing, but friendship with someone you may someday love.... priceless!
Good luck!!!!
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