A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've dating a girl for the past 3 month and seen her occasionally. This is the 3rd time in a 4 year period we've attempted to date. I'll stick to the details of this 3rd attempt. Sorry if it's too long but I need to blow some steam.So after 5 dates we had started kissing, holding hands, etc., which by the way, is very hard for me since I'm not the affectionate type. Well I thought everything was going very well, I even had the impression from her social network statuses and comments that she was quite excited. Almost all my friends know about her and actually met her, my mom knows I'm dating her and I even got her some flowers which I delivered personally to surprise her like two weeks ago. Now that I think about it, she never introduced me to anyone in her circles. *sigh*Last time we dated and kissed was two Fridays ago, we went to the theater. She is going on vacation for two weeks and I even told her that she shouldn't be leaving me alone as a joke and she replied that she would never do.Anyway, she changed her attitude all of a sudden. No more cute status in social networks. Two Wednesdays ago we were chatting and I finally texted her that I really liked her and that I wanted to get to know her better. I wrote this since I think we never spoke about deep personal stuff so we never knew each other that deeply.She never replied.The next day, while she was texting me I asked her out so we could have lunch. I rushed out from work to meet her and we certainly had lunch. We had our typical conversations were we talk about everything except US. After we finished eating, I couldn't stand it any more and brought out the subject about us (and this was very difficult since I am very shy).I asked her what she thought about the message I sent her. She blushed, couldn't look me in the eyes and couldn't answer me clearly. I said again how much I liked her and how I would like to really get to know her. She didn't reply any concrete answer. I finally revealed I never had a girlfriend (I'm 27 by the way) and that I wanted to try it out with her. (Now I think it was a mistake to tell her that.) She only babbled/stuttered that she wanted to try it too but couldn't look me in the eyes to tell me that!!!I think I pushed her a bit for an answer. First she told me she was in a complicated emotional state, also that she had tough relationships (2 or 3 serious ones). She also said that she really liked me but wasn't sure about us, that we didn't know each other that well. Anyway, I perceived she didn't gave me a straight answer.I continued to ask her, I needed a YES or NO answer. She agreed and said that she cared and didn't want to play games with me but couldn't tell me YES or NO!!! I really wanted to know since this is the 3rd time we try something out.Anyway, she ended up saying that she still had feelings for her Ex. I told her that she should be clear on what she wants, that she should think about it, and when she knows that she tells me YES or NO. We said our goodbyes and went on our way.She texted me that night. I replied a little curt since I was angry and disappointed. She has texted a couple of days me asking for my day and sending hugs and kisses. I really don't know what to think about all this. Does she like me or not? What is she doing? Why the sudden change in attitude?I'm really sick of playing games. I wish I could read her mind and get done with it. Would I be an idiot if I waited for her answer or should I just bail out? Should I give it a chance if she wanted to try it out with me?Please help me with some advice!!! Please!! and thanks!!
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flowers, her ex, kissing, never had a girlfriend, period, shy, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, I never expected that answer but thinking about it you´re totally right @WiseOwlE. Shyness hasn´t got me anywhere. You are right that I´m quite old to be excusing myself with shyness but it hasn´t been that simple to put it aside.
I really appreciate your clearness and straightforwardness. I am aware that I should start working on confidence and pratice dating other women.
I guess I just didn´t want to lose another chance since I don´t get those very often. If you had any further advice I would deeply appreciate it.
Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to read and answer my question.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2013): I am going to give it to you plain and simple. She is holding out for her ex-boyfriend to come back. She isn't over him; and you are just a willing stand-in to keep her company.You move too slow. Four years is too long to be hanging on to someone, and not really having a definitive relationship. Your lack of confidence and inability to express your intentions, until you're angry, is your downfall.She has played you along, because you hung on "waiting" for yes or no. There is no yes or no. There is her ex. She is waiting for his decision to take her back. You are wasting your time on this needy clingy female; who can't let go and get over her ex-boyfriend. You have to over-come shyness and stop being timid around women. They will play you along; and use your weaknesses against you. They will manipulate you to their own advantage. You will only be a stand-in boyfriend until they find the one they really want; or until they reconcile with an ex-boyfriend. Often, women use gay men for this function.He will not be taking her back; and if he did, it will not last. Look how clingy she is. She has held out for four years!!! Life with her would be totally miserable for you. All that time will be used for getting over her ex. She is refusing to accept a past breakup. Therefore; her recovery from it is delayed. Move on and work on building a more assertive personality.Women are more attracted to men with confidence. Shy people are frustrating, and it's a lot of work pulling them out of their shell. No one can read your mind. You're too old to be a shy little boy. Look where it's gotten you so far. Avoiding other eligible women; because it's too hard to suppress your shyness.You ask for advice, how willing will you be to put it into practice? Yielding to the fear of being shot-down by women will keep you in a holding pattern. You will never get a girlfriend that way. It's easy chasing a rabbit that isn't running away. She isn't running; but she isn't committing herself to you as a girlfriend either. You are frustrated; because you are giving her all the power. If she can't decide, take the answer as NO.Most guys would have moved on four years ago. You cling to her, while she clings to him. Her ex is the only happy one in the triangle. Get out and get some practice with other women who show interest in being with YOU. If you get rejected, you learn to be man enough to pick yourself up, move on, and continue dating. Then keep dating; until you find the compatible woman right who's for you. Shyness is only an excuse for a fear of rejection. Rejection doesn't mean you're not worthy or cute; it only means they're not interested. The embarrassment fades away.It's their loss, if they don't give it a chance. Keep using shyness as a excuse. You'll remain lonely and frustrated. Waiting for yes or no. No decision, means NO. I don't mean to be harsh. Just straight forward for your benefit.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (2 July 2013):
 Dear OP,You know what 'you' want from her,and now your adamant to get it from her as well!that's just being selfish..When such things happen either just to keep the partner happy the person would give in and say things that the other wants to hear OR just wouldn't say anything at all and disappoint them..you dint have to put her in a spot quite yet,give it time and then you could have the 'talk' as to what you want from this..Right now it would be too much pressure both on you and her..why don't you just send her a text and ease the tension..just tell her hey I am sorry about our last date I don't think I should have put you in a spot like that,may be I just wanted to know where we are going,anywys let's just take our time,get to know each other and figure things out as we do..So OP if you like this girl and are compatible just don't let go off it so soon!
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