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We're together, but he's not ready to be serious. Should I stick with him?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 July 2008) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Which do you go by, actions or words. I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. His actions towards me shows he cares, and does like me. He even says "we have a great time together" "loves what we have" and "loves the way I treat him." Well, everyone says that to me because I am a very giving person and willing to help anyone out not matter what the cost is. We go out with other couples, who are his friends and they all think I am his girlfriend. He holds my hand, kisses me and we have a lot of fun teasing and playing around. BUT, he says he is not ready anything serious. He also said that he is not dating anyone else, and isn't looking to, and knows that I am not either. So, really what we have is a boyfriend girlfriend relationship without the titles. Furthermore, he wanted to meet my family and I finally gave it, which of couse they all got along great. Now, do I stick with this, or realize it will never go anywhere???????

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008):

I think his actions shows that he likes you and it's a big deal for someone to want to meet the family!! Three months is still a young relationship, I reckon just go along for the ride and see what happens, he sounds lovely and sounds like he treats you well, I would trust your instincts, it will let you know when enough's enough.

Gook Luck.

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A female reader, hollydawn United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2008):

well i think that he must care alot about you genuraly because of how he treats you and wanting to me your family. maybe he's just trying you out like you would try on a pair of shoes. i recon if the shoe fits right for him then he will but into you in the end. i think just give it a matter of time and wile he's doing that you should just carry on being yourself because he obviously like what he sees and what he is getting. from what i have read about relationship advice it's best nether to puch men into trying to be with you because that would just scare him off and push him away.

yeh so give it time...

i hope it all works out, plus you should feel lucky that he is not seeing anyone else.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

Well first off, you both are still fairly new to each other..as .it's just been 3 months. And you are jumping the gun here. Slow it down a notch because you are feeling the feelings that happen when you open your heart to someone and become emotionally close, too soon. . Give this time and you need to be patient. Dating and going out are, in my opinion, a sensible, good way of shopping around for a lot of people. And this is apparent for your bf. You need to get on the same page as him. You both are still building a solid base of trust and respect...only after that..the love will build and take root. Nothing is written in stone at this early stage of the game, hun. Relationships and love are big risks. I know couples that date a year before they fully commit. Some couples can take just 3 weeks! It all depends on the two people involved. I suggest you find enjoyment in his friendship and continue to date this guy and relax-- just have a blast. He sounds like he is someone, you can see a future with. If it works out--great! If it doesn't...chalk it up to a life experience and learn from it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008):

Hun, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. You have only been together for 3 months, some people have trust issues, commitment issues etc which makes it hard for them to settle and truly let themselves be vulnerable with the person they are with until they are sure they won't get hurt. Has he had any particularly troublesome relationships in the past? This could be why he wants to take a relaxed route for a while. What I suggest is that you relax with him, don't worry about your future together just yet, enjoy being with him and give it some time. He obviously cares a great deal about you, you just need to wait for him to feel comfortable enough to commit. If it goes on for a while, say 6 months or so and he still shows no signs of commitment then you can always have 'the talk' and ask him how he feels about you two as a couple. Good luck hun! xxx

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (28 July 2008):

kenny agony auntTo be honest its quite early days, its still only been three months. It sounds like he really likes you, the way he treats you, wanting to meet your family etc. I think if he did not want anything serious out of this he would not really have been bothered about meeting your family. Give it time and see how things progress, relax and enjoy each others company and just let things materialise of their own accord. I don't know anything about his previous relationships, it could be he was hurt in the past and wants to take things slow. Either way its good to take things slow and not to rush things. So stick with it this and see what happens after 6 or 7 months, from what you wrote you sound good together.

All the best x

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