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female
,
anonymous
writes: This is going to sound really weird. But last week i split up with my boyfriend of 6 months. It was my first relationship, but we never had sex (he was very patient with me). I am a virgin (i am in my mid 20's) and although the thought of having sex scares me, i feel the virginity label hanging over me. Anyway, we agreed to stay good friends but the other day out talk got a little intimate and i have been invited around to his place next week. We were both flirting outrageously and alluded to having sex on this night. I'm so confused, i really want to lose my virginity to him, but we are not together and i don't know whether i could compromise my self respect to sleep with someone who didn't love me enough to be in a relationship with me. I'm so confused, but no other man has ever looked twice at me (i know i'm not ugly any more, but what if this is my only chance) and i had never done anything with a man before him. Would it make me an awful person to sleep with him out of a relationship? Would i be able to cope with possible rejection afterwards and move on?
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flirt, move on, split up, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): Dear, it is nothing but paranoia to lose virginity. how unfortunate, virginity which can be envy for a husband and wife at the time of marriage is considered as HANGING LABEL. please dont lose it. protect it and your man will be happiest. men seldom admit but no man will prefer a partener who is not virgin in the face of a virgin blessing. take my advice........protect it.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (22 October 2006):
 Never. Ever. Compromise your self respect. No one else's respect for you will ever matter as nearly as much as your own. You have to live with your choices for the rest of your life.
So when you think back to your first time, do you really want to be thinking about all this doubt you had? It sounds like you are just desperate to be losing your virginity.
Why is losing it so important? You're attractive, there will be PLENTY of options for you. I swear. (you're still going to be a hot mama when you're in your mid thirties). Wait until you know the sex you have will be an entirely happy memory. Wait for someone who you know will be good and respectful and committed to you.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (21 October 2006):
 Hi There,
First of all, "...but what if this is my only chance..." You are going to have PLENTY of chances again for sex.
Next, I can tell you that I have been where your bf is now. I have had more than one woman lose her virginity to me. They were all over 20 (one was over 30) and all of them were under the friends with benefits model.
Only ONE woman regretted it. Becuase after we had been together having sex for a year, she met the man that she is still with today. He was also a virgin, so she regretted it becuase she met him, the year after she lost it to me.
For all the others, I am still good friends with them. They have all moved on, some into great relationships, some still looking. But they were all happy about finally losing it with a guy, that although they were not Inlove with me, we did have a love together. They trusted me, and we were good to each other.
You should also know that I dated an adult female virgin for almost a year but she was still a virgin when we broke up, because of her religious beleifs.
Only you can know for yourself what your values are. This is a personal decision. Be sure you can live with it either way.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
male
reader, childof1981 +, writes (21 October 2006):
 The issue seems to be that you want your first time to be special. You want to feel like you are giving a special emotional gift to a person so it carries significance to both you and them. Without a relationship with this guy, you just don't feel right about it.
The first time you ride a bike is also special, and you feel great and on top of the world. However, I would not put off riding a bike for years just because my first ride might not be perfect(It never is).
What's so wrong with finding a guy attractive, wanting to have sex with him, and doing so?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2006): im 21 and i still havnt lost my virgnity..my boyf respects my decision..its not dat i dont wanna..but id ratha do it wid sum1 that i kno im gna be wid for a long time...and sum1 hus gonna respect me..therefor..im w8in till i get married..as for ur lil situation..girlie..i think that if u aint ready u shudnt..so what if ur still a virgin..ur one of the sensible rare types which are hard to find these days..ur not one to sleep around..u shud be proud of ur virgin label..at leaste u dont have a slag label! but if u do feeel that this guy is the one...then speak to him abt ur situation..tell him u want to have sex with him..but u dont like the situation that u are both in. if he sez no..n stil doesnt wanna be with u...then i think that this guy wants the best of both worlds...n u shud wait a tiny bit longer:)...good luck freind x
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